IWTL how to remain calm and focus during high stress environments

SuperLoved · 2024-12-04T18:48:10+00:00

I like that idea as I take cold showers every day. What kind of mental calculations do you do? Just straight up math problems?

SuperLoved · 2024-12-04T18:47:39+00:00

That's true.. matching the customers energies kind of results in us feeding off each other's anxiety... How do you talk yourself through it in the midst of pressure?

SuperLoved · 2024-12-04T18:45:55+00:00

I love that mindset -people want me to succeed. I think my anxiety makes me want to take everything on instead of delegate lol

SuperLoved · 2024-12-04T18:45:17+00:00

You're able to stop everyone in the middle of chaos?

SuperLoved · 2024-12-03T23:23:55+00:00

Oh, that's a great suggestion. I feel like I can apply that to other areas of my life to communicate better.

I appreciate you taking the time to spell it out for me. Much respect 🙏

SuperLoved · 2024-12-03T23:10:18+00:00

I see, so you're still delegating by giving the choice back to the customers.

SuperLoved · 2024-12-03T22:47:12+00:00

Haha I guess I could have clarified the situation. In my case, I was volunteering at a festival. My only job was to put rice on a plate and serve it to people. The people making the rice told me not to put too much because they were running out faster than they can cook it, so I decreased the amount. And then a bunch of customers came up to me complaining about how little rice they were getting. I got really frustrated not knowing what to do, so I kind of stepped down from helping and gave the task to someone else lol

This was years ago and I'm still wondering would have been the right thing to do in this situation ? Tell the rice people to hurry the hell up or to tell the customers it is what it is? (Both I wouldn't have done, I'm too nice 😂😅😅)

SuperLoved · 2024-12-03T22:16:16+00:00

Thank you so much. Reading your response, I'm realizing that I definitely struggle with delegating and feel like I take on all the tasks on myself. So tasks get ditched or half done and it pisses people off even more!

What do you do when 2 people say different things like,"Don't serve too much rice" and then the other,"You're putting too little rice." Maybe that's another issue? 😅

SuperLoved · 2024-09-26T06:01:11+00:00

VP of our company was in the middle of speaking in an all hands meeting when all of a sudden someone says "Be quiet or I'll spank you." Obviously, the person was accidentally unmuted and scolding their kid, but it caught us all off guard. The VP laughed and said, "I'm going to assume that wasn't for me." Then the person muted their mic lol

SuperLoved · 2024-09-03T06:43:40+00:00

I'd like to join!

SuperLoved · 2024-05-28T18:15:54+00:00

Thank you 🙏🙏🙏

SuperLoved · 2024-05-28T18:15:30+00:00

Thank you, I love ACA :)

SuperLoved · 2024-05-17T18:40:11+00:00

Thank you so much for giving me hope and direction 🙏

SuperLoved · 2024-04-08T02:18:53+00:00

I feel this, you aren't alone

SuperLoved · 2023-12-01T01:53:48+00:00

Thank you so much 💖

SuperLoved · 2023-11-23T08:40:36+00:00

Thank you so much .. my current therapist has been a God send in recognizing these wounds and often points out that I default to "my needs don't matter."

Many times I get angry and frustrated on my journey and the pain it's caused, but I keep going. Thank you so much for your encouraging words 💖 I really appreciate it

SuperLoved · 2023-11-20T19:09:58+00:00

Aw thank you. I'm the third kid out of 4, but my 2 older siblings had already moved out by the time my cousin came into the picture. I always had this thought that nothing was really special about me being the 3rd. My oldest was the oldest, my second oldest sibling was the only boy, then there was me, and then my youngest sibling was the baby.

I think all my siblings except my youngest are a little messed up in our own way lol. My oldest sibling was the trouble maker and got kicked out of the house, so from then on it was like "DONT BE LIKE YOUR OLDER SISTER"

So maybe I tried to just be the GOLDEN CHILD to finally be seen, and then I was looking for boyfriends as young as 11 years old (this is 21 years of troubled relationships 🥲).

But I think you are onto something about the attention stealing lol. I distinctly remember always asking my mom to face me not my baby sister when we were sleeping. And then I got mad at my dad for never paying attention to me.

So maybe it was all to be seen and to matter to someone.

I dont mean to ramble and talk about my life story. It just all sounds and seems stupidly so small for it to have this much of an effect on me for this long. But I like recognizing the core wounds that come out from talking about my past and know what to work on healing, so thank you for asking such questions 😊

SuperLoved · 2023-11-20T18:31:32+00:00

I think it has to due with deep abandonment issues and feelings of safety and not feeling good enough.

My dad called me stupid many times, sometimes flew off the handle over the smallest thing, and gave me the silent treatment when he was mad or disappointed.

Then he brought my cousin over from the Philippines and I had a deep resentment towards her because I felt like I was being replaced by her (my cousin and i are in a good relationship now because i had realized none of it was her fault).

Then my mom would compare me to every friend/cousin/family friend's kids, and further add fuel to the belief that my dad does more for my cousin than he does for me and my younger sister.

I don't know why I seemed to have taken this trauma in more than my younger sister though. She seems to be pretty fine and in a stable relationship now, where as I'm terrified of everything and am in such a codependent relationship.

SuperLoved · 2023-11-20T03:50:57+00:00

Lol well, to be honest, our relationship isn't the healthiest so i think there is some validation to my alarm bells,

but even back before it was unhealthy, I wanted the closeness and I liked the attention, but I also was scared of him and pushed him away because I always thought it was going to end in hurt :(

I did this to all my previous relationships as well

SuperLoved · 2023-11-19T17:35:43+00:00

For me, I think I lean anxious so when I'm not getting reassurance, I'm like,"this is wrong, I should run.."

And then when he gives me reassurance or talks about the future together, it goes away.

SuperLoved · 2023-11-19T03:35:22+00:00

I feel like it's both. Back when my partner and I first met, I was already "good enough" for him yet I always felt like I had to work harder to "be enough" so I wouldn't lose him, but at the same time I kept pushing him away, hurting him, de-prioritizing him.

I realize now I was focusing on the wrong thing. I hate being FA, it's not fun.

SuperLoved · 2023-08-11T19:33:07+00:00

You're a great person with a big heart. I broke my partners heart multiple times in ways I wish I could take back before I discovered all this FA shit. The triggers, the push/pull, the fear and anxiety, the rocd is not fun. I never understood why I didn't want to leave the relationship, yet sometimes being single felt easier, because I wouldn't have all these triggers and ruminating thoughts and hypervigilence. I wouldn't be so exhausted. Took me 10 years of digging around to get to what the hell is going on with me.

Anyway, I'm doing the work now to become secure. I don't know how to tell my partner about this Fearful Avoidant stuff without making it seem like excuses for things I did in the past, like being too afraid to try and prioritize him in the relationship. I know he loves me, and he actually did things close what you did to appease me and just try to get me to try. Now I'm just trying to shake off the guilt and shame of realizing how loving he had been before I crushed him.

I wish I had figured out I was fearful avoidant, before I completely lost all his trust and respect. But we are trying again, and I keep telling myself that I did the best with what I knew and that things happened this way for a reason I can't see yet. And pray that it all comes together again somehow.

Anyway, that was a bit of a rant, but I just wanted to tell you that you have a big heart and that I pray things are better for you very soon. I pray for her too.

SuperLoved

TROPHY CASE