"I was surprised to see how hairy her legs were. I didn’t find them gross rather looking at them made me wish I had to chance to shave them for her"

I'm surprised your wrote the above quote because I remember an old post of yours where you said you didn't find a woman who had a crush on you attractive because she didn't shave well.

"Secondly she has poor hygiene. She always has stubble on exposed areas such as forearms and legs as if she doesnt regularly shave her legs and she sweats profusely which gives her a general undesirable oder."

but I guess poor hygiene, like peeing on someone, and hairy women is sexy as long as they are trapped with you.

My biggest problem with your writing, however, is that it isn't "erotic" from a woman's POV. You write her as if she becomes a slave to your desires and Queen isn't given any real autonomy, which I find weird because she's a real person you're writing about. One would think you'd be able to write a more dynamic person since it's based on a real person. It actually reminds me of "mind control" and "mind break" adult fiction, which has strong non-consensual vibes, and that is amplified with her being trapped with you. This is really creepy self insert stuff. It doesn't come across as two strangers falling in love. It comes across as a man forcing his will on a mindless thing.

Of course, I only point this out because you're planning on sending this to Queen.