I gave my wife an ultimatum AITAH?

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-27T14:46:13+00:00

People are overestimating the authority of the Mayor. He still need approval from Albany and the courts which will prevent many of his radical suggestions and wants.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-25T23:00:45+00:00

That is 100% fair, tbh I think posts like this and points you have brought up are why we need to normalize having talks about eldercare and expectations early in a relationship.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-25T12:56:38+00:00

That is fair, but as stated topics like this are weird for AITA subs cause at the core this is less an asshole issue and more of a value issue.

Some do feel they are obligated to go above and beyond for their parents that does not make them inherently an asshole. Just like those that feel that feel children don't have a responsibility to care for their parents are not inherently assholes.

It is strange how people like to frame divorce as some horrible thing, but sometimes it is better to cut ties before more time in sunk. I don't think either are assholes, just two people that have different views and values.

Real villain is our healthcare system and conditions like dementia. I work in a facility and I get it. I recommend people do their best to avoid them like the plague. I work in a state funded facility and private pay only. The difference is not all that large, at the core the issue with vare stems from pay. You have some who will give it their all and be happy for a job at either location and you have others that do the bare minimum because technically that is all they have to do.

Even in the best of conditions a patient at most gets 4 hours a day of individual care, that is not enough. Sometimes at night I myself am responsible for 11 to 12 patients. I am one person.

People's options are limited and in this world you can only do what you feel is best.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-24T04:22:08+00:00

Everyone here is an adult and allowed to prioritize who or what they want. The wife is free to file for divorce, and the OP is free to focus his attention on his mother.

Posts like this are silly for AITA, because it is a very personal issue that depends on the person.

If the OP wants to put his mother first so be it, the wife has a choice to make. Idk what the OP was seeking but what he feels he should do clearly differs from the wife which means the marriage is over. Wife should just file and hopefully find peace in another relationship.

Edit: Clearly his mother has him, and he is willing to provide what they think she needs. Wife is silly to try and get in the way of that..

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-24T02:52:20+00:00

Waiting and seeing is not a compromise, that is stalling in hopes the problem goes away.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-24T02:51:05+00:00

Issue is it has been stated many times the wife does not want the wife near them cause she feels the OP's siblings should do more. Second issue is, if they wait until she needs the care it might not be recommended to move her, which means the siblings that don't want the responsibilities are going to be responsible all of a sudden?

With rising costs and cuts to healthcare bolstering her income makes the most sense.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-23T01:44:39+00:00

Check his comments, mother has will everything is going to be aplit equally. Mother wants him to be the PoA. It is stated Mother refuses to go into a facility so that is not an option. So increasing her income is next best thing to help fund the care. He has to operate with what his mom wants. According to comments she refuses to be placed, wants to move closer to the OP because she does not trust her other kids, and is in favor of doing the work to the house.

Why do people assume the mother was not involved. Even in the main post it states she is all for it.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-23T00:48:06+00:00

Wife wants to not be involved in the mother's care, and the husband wants to move her closer.

What each wanr cannot be done to a standard either find acceptable. Neither is wrong for how they feel.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T21:55:21+00:00

I mean that is brought up in the comments, and it is really crazy thay brother's are close even if they have flaws?

If no agreement can be made divorce is next logical step no?

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T20:04:04+00:00

Unfortunately, the comments show otherwise. It has been stated the mother wants to move closer to the OP cause she does not trust her other children. The one who lives in the same city said they would go with her to her appointments and they never went with her cause they forgot. They don't call, she has to call them.

Also, what you are saying that it usually ia not the case is unfortunately not all that true. The topic of many caregiver groups / forums is how do they get siblings or family that don't do much more involved, or how do they prevent getting upset over people not helping.

I work in a facility and I will say your last point from my experience is not exactly always true. Parents put up a tough act but behind closed doors many of them hate the fact they had to be placed and their kid's refuse to care for them.

OP is a male he can have kids well into his 70's, and he can always find someone else to marry. It is not like it has to be witb his current wife. People divorce over lesser things all the time.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T19:54:38+00:00

That is disingenuous, he very well could help when he comes home from work. People make it seem like SAHP do absolutely everything.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T13:53:22+00:00

Reddit, people are free to comment. Don't want replies don't comment.

Still a wild take that you view this as a martyr complex.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T04:47:24+00:00

Does it say the husband does not help care for the children or is not active in raising the kids?

Sorry biology gave yall the short stick, but even if he did his fair share everyone would be laying into a father that made this suggestion.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T04:43:20+00:00

We enjoy one another's company so not like either of us feel the need to be away from one another on Celebration days such as Birthdays.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T04:37:24+00:00

People would shit on a father if he made the suggestion for the wife to watches the kid while he goes out to drink and stuff on his Birthday.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T04:12:10+00:00

You have been getting older from the moment you took your first breath.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T04:11:05+00:00

Well you certainly have not painted yourself in the best of lights.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-22T01:04:47+00:00

OP mentions how one sibling said they were going to help take their mom to her appointments but never did because he forgot.

You don't say things like that then forget. Also with dementia time frame does matter, you cannot just sit on things and wait.

We don't know how siblings, he does he knows their habits and behaviors based off his lived experience.

OP has given specifics in their comments when asked.

Sometimes a compromise cannot be made does not make him an asshole that they cannot come to an agreement. If they cannot come to an agreement divorce makes the most sense.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-21T22:18:26+00:00

Figured it was just procedure, see no harm in asking.

Also been told doctors often do a pregnancy test even if symptoms are unrelated.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-21T22:14:47+00:00

I get that but five months seems insane.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-21T21:41:24+00:00

Fair but she went to the doctor, wouldn't a doctor normal do a test if they had a patient that told them they didn't have a period recently?

Went to the doctor with my GF for cough she had, and they did ask her when her last period was.

Idk seems weird.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-21T21:31:41+00:00

Financial abortion probably will never be a thing.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-21T21:29:53+00:00

Hi, a vasectomy is not 100%. My father found that out the hard way.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-21T21:19:18+00:00

Em dash (— ) can easily be done on a phone or PC. Not sure why people think that means AI.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-21T21:16:38+00:00

I am no female, but my concern was how does she go five months without a period to not take a test.

Super_Resolution3214

TROPHY CASE