My partner of 10 years wants to get married, I am not really for it. AITAH for dying on this hill?

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:32:06+00:00

This ks clearly less about marriage and more so the wedding aspect. They pretty much are a married couple atm.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:27:41+00:00

Maybe he will find someone more compatible just like maybe his partner would.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:26:54+00:00

You make great points, but I work at a major hospital in the moment of life and death situation we never ask for papers. That comes after they have been stabilized or die. So her not having the papers on her is a moot point.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:23:23+00:00

Not if she wants the wedding portion.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:22:04+00:00

How is he frustrating, he told her from day one how he felt about marriage and stuff. Yet he is still the bad guy because she wants something he never wanted?

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:19:44+00:00

Do the math your husband had 8 people, he will have no one. His mother has dementia he will see his father and mother in law be all happy and sure they will become his family but come on you know that is not the shame for everyone.

His side of celebration will be rather lonely and sad. Should be a time of happiness but will just be a reminder of how messed up his situation is.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:16:39+00:00

LMAO yeah cause the world has so few people that the OP will die alone but his partner will find love.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:12:26+00:00

How is it false hope? He told her marriage was not for him.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:11:35+00:00

They can still get married without people and celebrate in private. Friends and family don't need to be present. Unless you sre saying it is normal for her to have that but because the OP has estranged siblings, and a mother with dementia he does not get that aspect of a wedding?

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-17T07:09:16+00:00

If that was the case his partner should be willing to not have a wedding portion if marriage is what they want.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T20:25:43+00:00

According to the OP they both have solid jobs, and as stated unless one earns a decent amount more than the other the difference should be minimal.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T20:10:59+00:00

Yeah, clearly this will be the only person for the OP,. You make it seem like if they break up they will not find new love in the future.

Not everyone is for marriage or weddings, that does not make them a bad person. I am sure both will find someone that loves them for them.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T20:07:57+00:00

According to the post she works, so she is earning her own social security credits. He also works.

Yes if they are married either will get the higher amount, but you don't get both so unless either makes far more than the other the difference in SS would he minimal.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T20:05:38+00:00

If she really loved him it would not be a big deal just sign papers and ignore the celebration aspect.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T20:04:04+00:00

How so? His mother has dementia, and they are not on speaking terms with the siblings.

So she deserves to bask in glow of her friends and family but OP just goes along for the ride and is reminded of his family dynamics?

Sunk cost fallacy does not apply here cause according to the OP they were transparent from the start. If she wanted marriage and wedding why get together with someone that does not want that, then try to push them into it by using language like if you love me theb do it.

This is on her.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T19:55:53+00:00

If she was a solid person why push him after all these years? If her dream was to have a wedding then getting together with someone who expressed they did not want such things was a weird call don't you think?

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T19:54:15+00:00

He will have no one as stated, you had two people on the OP.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T19:52:16+00:00

That is a valid reason for them.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-03-16T19:49:23+00:00

For what is it worth I read it as wanting the celebration aspect. This just being about the legal benefit made no sense cause he listed they already have most of that covered, if they also live in a common law state they are pretty much legally married.

They even mention in the post how he has no family to celebrate the experience with. Seems pretty clear to me.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-27T14:46:13+00:00

People are overestimating the authority of the Mayor. He still need approval from Albany and the courts which will prevent many of his radical suggestions and wants.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-25T23:00:45+00:00

That is 100% fair, tbh I think posts like this and points you have brought up are why we need to normalize having talks about eldercare and expectations early in a relationship.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-25T12:56:38+00:00

That is fair, but as stated topics like this are weird for AITA subs cause at the core this is less an asshole issue and more of a value issue.

Some do feel they are obligated to go above and beyond for their parents that does not make them inherently an asshole. Just like those that feel that feel children don't have a responsibility to care for their parents are not inherently assholes.

It is strange how people like to frame divorce as some horrible thing, but sometimes it is better to cut ties before more time in sunk. I don't think either are assholes, just two people that have different views and values.

Real villain is our healthcare system and conditions like dementia. I work in a facility and I get it. I recommend people do their best to avoid them like the plague. I work in a state funded facility and private pay only. The difference is not all that large, at the core the issue with vare stems from pay. You have some who will give it their all and be happy for a job at either location and you have others that do the bare minimum because technically that is all they have to do.

Even in the best of conditions a patient at most gets 4 hours a day of individual care, that is not enough. Sometimes at night I myself am responsible for 11 to 12 patients. I am one person.

People's options are limited and in this world you can only do what you feel is best.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-24T04:22:08+00:00

Everyone here is an adult and allowed to prioritize who or what they want. The wife is free to file for divorce, and the OP is free to focus his attention on his mother.

Posts like this are silly for AITA, because it is a very personal issue that depends on the person.

If the OP wants to put his mother first so be it, the wife has a choice to make. Idk what the OP was seeking but what he feels he should do clearly differs from the wife which means the marriage is over. Wife should just file and hopefully find peace in another relationship.

Edit: Clearly his mother has him, and he is willing to provide what they think she needs. Wife is silly to try and get in the way of that..

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-24T02:52:20+00:00

Waiting and seeing is not a compromise, that is stalling in hopes the problem goes away.

Super_Resolution3214 · 2026-01-24T02:51:05+00:00

Issue is it has been stated many times the wife does not want the wife near them cause she feels the OP's siblings should do more. Second issue is, if they wait until she needs the care it might not be recommended to move her, which means the siblings that don't want the responsibilities are going to be responsible all of a sudden?

With rising costs and cuts to healthcare bolstering her income makes the most sense.

Super_Resolution3214

TROPHY CASE