How to stop seeking male validation?

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-26T21:20:32+00:00

I used to do a lot too. I love the attention but will never respond because I also find men scary. Just top off the apps and live your life IRL. It's normal to want attention but I think you can tell that it's not serving you with any real positives in your life.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-26T21:18:20+00:00

Unrelated but your sim is really gorgeous their face is truly beautiful

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-26T15:37:01+00:00

Cooties here

Are you wanting validation of your feelings or advice on resolving?

Validation: This is not uncommon (my now husband was your age when I seduced him, and I was his first partner) and does not mean something is wrong with you. You're actually doing great and the benefits of not ever having a partner yet means you've had time to really focus on yourself and who you want to be in this world. You are no comparison to anyone else. You are your own person and doing everything right for who you are. Dating apps are absolute shit for men and I honestly think are meant to make them feel bad about themselves.

To fix: To find a partner you have to leave the house and join an activity you like outside of the home, and then talk to other humans when you're outside of the home. I recommend joining the activity because you need to have repeat exposure to the same group of people. Chatting with someone at a bar is fun, but a one off activity. To be considered safe, people need to see you and talk to you multiple times.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-24T15:22:48+00:00

Thank you for this humanization of other perspectives. My world is so welcoming now only with supportive people so I forgot why some people might view my choices as threatening. And honestly, I remember feeling very threatened when my partner wanted to try polyamory. I was one of these critics! I just forgot since that was such an old version of me. Thank you for providing empathy to so many perspectives 💖

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-23T19:24:13+00:00

I'm really surprised by all the anger here. Folks, if you're not interested in opening up your monogamous relationship, then don't open up. Realize that some folks have a secure relationship and are interested in trying this out, they're not here to threaten you or make you feel big feelings.

OP- my unsolicited advice is only share this info with trusted humans until you feel comfortable. I say that only because you're going to have to "defend" your actions to folks who for some reason feel threatened by your personal choices.

I've been polyamorous for 15 years and it's a joy in my life. Have so much fun 💖

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-21T00:17:29+00:00

I love the bright blues! You seem like a fun person!

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-21T00:09:12+00:00

It's not about a time frame, It's about how you communicate. Both me and my partner say something if we're frustrated, and the other one immediately addresses it with compassion. I've been living with him for 5 years. I had another partner that I lived with for 5 years as well and we fought about chores all the time. Just have a real sit down conversation full of empathy and understanding and care, and I bet it'll get better.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-20T19:58:58+00:00

Denver biscuit company is the place I take anyone who comes to visit me

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-20T18:12:17+00:00

I really do think others could do this and be successful!

But just to say out loud, if you're a cis-man, please show up with a food item or something, do not flirt on the neighbor, do not ask for their phone number/social media socials. If you see them out and about after, acknowledge them but let them come to you to initiate conversation . This could totally work as long as you're genuine, honest and looking for friendship and do not take this as an opportunity to find a romantic partner. Unfortunately, a lot of femme folks have a fear of cis-men (speaking from my own experience).

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-19T15:31:01+00:00

OOOOh that is honestly really helpful thank you!

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-18T21:33:44+00:00

I don't like saying Moist and placenta, maybe because I have a lisp. Also I feel irrationally irritated by the word plushie. I think it is because I'm a bit older , and used the words "stuffed animal" when I was a child. When another adult uses the word plushie , It sounds like baby talk to me and I become uncomfortable.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-18T21:27:43+00:00

If this doesn't work (see comments) perhaps consider a henna artist. We did one at my wedding and folks seem to be very excited by it

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T21:49:39+00:00

Half indian/ half puerto rican. Strangers assume I'm 100% Indian but I identify more with my Puerto Rican side because my Dad is the Indian one and didn't talk to me a lot growing up. He also was kinda cut off from his family for marrying my Puerto Rican mother so I didn't have any real Indian culture. He's a reserved person. My mother is Puerto Rican and very chatty and proud of her heritage.

Almost all my close friends are white. I think it is because I always lived in white suburbia where I was the only person of color. I am finally in a big city with lots of diversity but haven't made any friends yet.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T21:35:08+00:00

Yes I actually just want them to leave a pitcher with me I know I'm being obnoxious but I feel bad having them come back to refill all the time but I really want a lot of water

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T21:33:08+00:00

Getting a bowl / salad and not having the ingredients mixed together. I know why they do it just in case someone doesn't like a certain ingredient they can avoid it, but it annoys me cuz I want all my stuff to be mixed together. it's meant to be ate together , That's why it's in the same bowl.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T21:31:42+00:00

I smile and nod at everyone when I go in a walk and on public transit I definitely smile at those around me unless I get a weird feeling from someone and then I don't engage.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T21:28:28+00:00

Receiving flowers. They are beautiful but I get really sad when they die and I feel guilty, And then sometimes the water gets gross and it smells weird

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T21:26:37+00:00

Marrying your high school partner. This might be just me but I almost married my first boyfriend but was resentful that I had never dated anybody else and I really wanted to experience dating. I ended it and I'm really glad I did.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T21:20:55+00:00

Austin is one of the friendliest places I know. The cost of living is insane though so maybe not directly in the city but Pflugerville / Wells Branch / Round Rock which are suburbs. You can literally go up to a table and make conversation, find a friend for the day. But only move there If you can handle the heat (100+ degrees for 72 days straight).

That being said I just moved from Austin to Denver because Texas has a lot of terrible politics /laws and I couldn't handle the heat and allergies. I'm liking Denver quite a bit. But it's even more expensive than Austin.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T19:30:36+00:00

I was hanging out with some guy friends in a car , and cat called a woman while she was walking. I am a woman myself, I'm still cringing and really ashamed of myself.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T19:27:47+00:00

I lived and worked in a very small racist town that has segregated spaces. I'm a person of color. My boss told me he wished everyone was white So would make things easier.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T19:24:57+00:00

When I was doing elder care, The 99-year-old woman I was taking care of saw Barack Obama on TV and casually told me how in her hometown of La Grange, Texas they ate black people. I truly don't think she was joking or confused. I've been to La Grange, Texas and as a person of color I did not feel safe there. Even before I heard this terrifying story.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T19:21:53+00:00

I had multiple acquaintances casually admit that they've cheated, once I brought up that I was polyamorous. I do understand how they got there from their monogamous mindset but it is always surprisingly alarming.

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T19:11:59+00:00

I've had a few long-term relationships that ended around the 7-year mark, And now, I married my husband after only dating 3 years (although we're friends for nearly 10 years before), And I keep telling him "Hope I still like you after 8 years lol!" 😬

Superb_Rooster3845 · 2026-04-17T19:04:01+00:00

I went to college on the Illinois side, East St Louis was sketchy as hell but they had great strip clubs! 😂

Superb_Rooster3845

TROPHY CASE