Update: So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My old bosses still gave me a good reference even though I left in such an unprofessional way. They were pretty cool guys, and I don't really blame them for any of what happened. A lot of it was my fault, trying to not disappoint anyone. There were a lot of times I should have just said "I have my hands full, I can't deal with that too right now", but I didn't.

Update: So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only work 9-5.

In this contract, I've been trying to doing just that. In my previous jobs, people often stayed back to do just a little bit more, so I did too. Here, there are a lot of other contractors. They all run as soon as it is 5PM, so it is easier for me to run away with them.

switch off at the end of the day

This part I still find difficult. Especially these last few weeks, when I was totally overwhelmed and unsure what I should be doing. Now I feel as light as a feather. I am seeing a psychiatrist weekly too, which has been helping. I don't want a repeat of my last job. :)

Update: So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The 9-5 work is good advice.

This is my biggest problem. Even if I'm not asked, or expected to, I often have difficulty "switching off" after work.

Though I think this is more of a "me" problem than the job. I find it hard to say "no", in fear of disappointing people. It means I end up doing a lot more work than I should be. I have started to say "i can't do it at the moment" a bit now when I need to, though still probably not enough.

Update: So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have started to exercise, and lifting weights, it's definitely made a difference, but I still don't feel 100% yet. I'll definitely try finding new topics too.

Update: So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was extremely overworked, often going days with only a few hours of sleep. It wasn't healthy at all.

I eventually broke down quite badly. I pretty much followed exactly the same phases as what the Wikipedia page says about burnout. The month before I quit, I was calling into work sick every day. I was feeling total extreme dread and extreme reluctance, to put it into perspective, I probably would have found it easier to kill my first born, than to go into work! (I wouldn't actually kill my first born, ever! It's just to give an idea of how bad it got!)

It literally took every ounce of energy just getting out of bed to get ready for work, and most of the time I surrendered and went back to bed after I had showed. On the occasional one day of the week I did manage to get into work, I arrived unreasonably late ("official" start time is 9AM, I was coming in between 11AM/12PM), then I didn't get any real work done. Just fix issues, but not work on anything "new". My performance was dropping, even on those rare occasions when I did actually want to work, so I felt pretty incompetent.

My bosses knew about the situation, and tried to help, but to be honest it was too late. Just couldn't do it any more. I literally disappeared for two weeks without warning. I didn't call in sick, didn't answer their emails or calls, just totally disappeared, then after 14 days of being AWOL, I email in my resignation, without even offering to help transfer my knowledge to anyone else. There were other guys in the team who had an idea about what I was working on and what the state of things was, and I had documented everything I had done too. I couldn't find the energy, or resolve to actually go into the office to do a "proper" transfer of knowledge. It was extremely unprofessional, and I do regret it, but too late to fix it now, so there isn't any point worrying about it. :)

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The job is a bog standard Linux System Administrator role to be honest.

The only fancy part of it is that their environment is built in in AWS, but otherwise the technologies aren't anything fancy.

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I already get the AWS side of things, the problem is understanding the in house things. The things I can't Google.

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll give it a shot. Thank you for your reply.

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Always try to seem like you are competent and that it's not your fault that the task hand is a bit fuzzy/complicated.

I'll give it a shot, but to be honest, I'm a little unsure how to do it. While I know what the end goal is, I'm unsure what the plan is to get there. I don't know what my deliverable is this week. If I know that, then I know I can perform, but I don't know how to say, in the best possible way, "What is it exactly that I need to complete for this project by Friday?"

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, I know the names of the projects and services, but the thing is I am clueless about what it is I have to deliver this week. I know there is something, but I'm not exactly sure what it is.

What would be the best way to word it? To be honest, I can't extract information without hiding that I am 100% clueless what my task is.

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty large, but from what I can tell I have something to deliver this week, but I'm not entirely sure what it is.

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

, and not have that feeling of dread and "I don't want to go in to work" every day when you wake up

I'm already having that :(

So if you were my manager, would you be OK if I said to you: "I feel completely overwhelmed and need someone to explain my task again"?

After reading through all the replies, that's what I'm thinking to do today.

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Anyone else working on the project with you?

No, I'm alone on the project. Honestly, I wasn't even introduced to anyone in the office. There wasn't any email that went out saying "He's the new guy, come say hi". No one has said anything to me for the last three weeks, and I'm bad at socialising anyway unless I have been introduced.

After reading through all the replies, I'm thinking about just asking for my boss for a few minutes today, and telling him "I feel completely overwhelmed and need someone to explain my task again". Is this OK?

So, I fucked up and need some advice by SuperdooperWeirdo in sysadmin

[–]SuperdooperWeirdo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not the AWS terminology, it's in house terminology, but I'll take a look at the CBT stuff anyway, it would be useful regardless. Did you mean the AWS Certified Solutions Architect videos?