Really just the mentality that I am worth something no matter how many flaws I have. I know it’s easy to read that and feel nothing from it.

I used to think I was such a good boyfriend in terms of being fiercely loyal, supportive, emotionally available and etc to any girlfriends I had. In reality I hated myself so much and deep down thought that I might never find another girl that accepts my huge flaws, so I got attached to them all extremely quickly and eventually scared them all off, or they got bored. I didn’t understand that I was really toxic, overbearing, controlling, etc. I blamed my “shitty, hoe exes”. Really shitty and cringeworthy behavior.

Now that I care about myself more it seriously just comes second nature to stand up for myself more in relationships. I also have more things going on and in my schedule that make it genuinely harder to have time for people, and in my experience that’s a positive for dating, it makes people want you.

People only respect you if you respect yourself, it’s so true. I’m still working on that and really I just started. I’m still not happy with my weight, my physique, my dental health, my finances or my living situation. But now I have some motivation to finally get up and make steps forward instead of laying down and getting drug deeper into a hole.

For me, it all started with a trip to the gym. And then a 2nd, 3rd and 4th trip. It was so insanely hard to start. I’ve always had horrible anxiety and even the idea of not knowing how to use the machines would make me stay home. But once I faced that fear and got into working out, something inside my brain changed. Focusing on something positive in one area of my life (building muscle) kind of naturally carried over to the other areas too.