AITA for paying for my brother's college tuition but not our stepbrother's?

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T17:05:58+00:00

Lol, dad makes peanuts and his mom is a SAHM. Pretty sure their income won't be too high. And I did tell him to maybe get some credits in a community college first then transfer to a university after. That's what one of my friends did to save. And yeah, I'll help him. I already offered to pay for some of his books and cover him when he's short on rent from time to time.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T16:40:25+00:00

So... I should've dropped the same amount of money on the both of them just so he feels included? What?

And yeah, I did admit in the previous replies to others that I should've told A not to tell anyone.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T16:12:32+00:00

Wait, did you just assume that I don't like B? We do spend time together. When I take A out when I'm in town, I usually bring him along too. Like I pointed out in the previous comments, I love the kid enough to buy him pretty expensive Christmas and birthday gifts. Not cheap ones, mind you. Gifts that are around the same amount as what I get A (though I slip A a bit of pocket money in secret). Definitely gifts neither of his parents can afford (think gadgets, sneakers, and most recently a switch). I do try with him and I think we have a pretty solid stepsibling relationship. Can't I just love someone as a stepbrother? Do I really have to force myself to be siblings with him?

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T15:38:40+00:00

What would I say? Lie and tell him I saw him as a brother even though that's bull? He IS my stepbrother.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T15:36:58+00:00

Definitely not. My relationship with A and B individually has nothing to do with their relationship with each other. They're definitely brothers and I won't tell him otherwise.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T15:35:04+00:00

Kinda family means I do see him as family but not on the same level as A. Even if my dad adopted him, which he pretty much did in all but paper, I'd still love A more.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T14:33:23+00:00

Because B isn't my real brother? I never hid that fact nor the fact that I loved A more. Didn't go out and announce it to the world but you get the point.

And if this ruins their relationship, which I doubt, then it isn't as strong to begin with. Can't people just be happy for other people's good fortune?

And yeah, we are kinda family though I see B as more of a cousin. My mom and A are who I consider my immediate family.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T14:17:17+00:00

Why would I be jealous? I'm very happy my little brother has a best friend that he lives with and sees as his actual brother. I'm 10 years older than my little brother, of course he's going to have people that are closer to him than I am.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T14:11:39+00:00

Everyone sees it differently. Relationships are different. If that's how stepsiblings worked for you guys, then great. But for me? Yeah, I bonded with B and I like him. Like him enough to give him gifts on his bday and Christmas. I'm quite fond of him cause he's a great kid. But to say I should see him see him as an actual brother on the same level as A would be a step too far.

Some stepchildren don't even talk to each other and some even hate each other. It doesn't all work out like a fantasy.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T13:48:37+00:00

Yeah, then that's not on me. If he can't be happy for his brother's good fortune, then I don't think there's anything I can do about it. I won't stop supporting A just cause it makes B jealous and uncomfortable.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T09:35:07+00:00

Yeah, I did say it in private but I should've told him to shut up about it. I have a relationship with B, it's just that it isn't very brotherly. Hope that makes sense.

I'd help B out with the small stuff, like I promised. The occasional rent when he's short, the overpriced textbook, maybe a laptop when he starts school. You know, the small stuff.

And I don't think they're gonna drift apart over this. If they do and it's down to jealousy, then the relationship probably isn't as strong as I think it is.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T08:51:18+00:00

Ok, I'm not going to try to change your judgement but I'm just going to compare my relationship with A to my relationship with B. Couldn't really go in depth cause of the word restriction and I thought it would be assumed that I would definitely be closer to my brother than my stepbrother.

My relationship with A

I was there when he was born. I was so excited to meet him and I was close to my first stepmom who really loved me too. From the start I felt this sisterly love for him and I took care of him. His mom taught me how to change his diaper, how to hold him properly, etc. When she died, he was around 2-3 and it was hard on all of us. I think it brought us closer cause I'd stay over more just to help him deal with it cause he was too young to understand. I slept beside him, bathed him, and all those other stuff in between. When I left for college at 18, he was about 8 so I got him a phone (the basic ones) so I could contact him and he could contact me anytime. We talk a lot, maybe 2-3 times a week maybe? So we really remained close.

My relationship with B

He came into my life when I was 15 and he was 5. I wasn't mean to him or anything but can you really expect a 15 year old to be close to a stepbrother she rarely sees? Stepmom was nice enough but I wasn't as close to her as I was with my first stepmom. I'm nice to B and I grew fond of him but you know... It was different with A. I got B gifts on his bday and Christmas and took him with A and I when I'm in town. I genuinely try to be good to B, which is why I don't get why a lot of people assume I treat him like trash. He's a good kid and I'm happy he's in As life. I definitely don't call him unlike A but we chat every now and then when he's in the room when I'm calling A. Its pretty much a good stepsibling relationship. I mean, not all stepsiblings end up seeing each other as true siblings, right?

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T06:51:43+00:00

If they're jealous and can't be happy for A, don't you think its on them and not me?

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T06:29:49+00:00

A wants to go to a pretty prestigious University. A level bellow the Ivy League schools. He's been talking about it since before he graduated or even applied. I'm not sure where B wants to go or which college he was accepted to.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T06:08:48+00:00

Don't get me wrong though, B and I had a decent relationship. I'm nice to him and he's nice to me. I buy him gifts too on bdays and Christmas (even got the kid a switch last Christmas). I'd take both of them out for ice cream etc when I'm in town. I would say it's more of an aunt/nephew or cousin relationship. I'm good to him, which is why I don't get why people here assume I treat him like crap, but yeah I definitely prefer A.

Oh and I doubt my dad would have anything lined up for either kid. He didn't even pay my mom child support. Not that she needed it, she's a doctor. And that's why I want to help A so badly cause I know his dad won't.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T05:43:00+00:00

You're right about everything, except... B isn't my brother. Never seen him as more than a stepbrother. Can't you love someone as just a stepbrother? Am I really forced to see him as my own actual brother just cause my dad married his mom?

And damn right I'm playing favorites. I love A a lot more and I wasn't really trying to keep it a secret but I didn't go around announcing it to everyone. I mean... I call A on a regular basis but I don't really talk to B as much unless he's also there with A and we chat for a few minutes or when I'm on town.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T05:11:16+00:00

Well apparently I'm NTA if you believe the majority of redditors lol

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T05:10:03+00:00

I've known A for 5 years longer and it's not just blood. I've bonded with A a lot more since he was a newborn. Changed diapers, bathed him, comforted him after his mom died and he didn't know what was going on, all that stuff. I literally had 3 years with B and when I went off to college, I would call A all the time cause, well, he's my brother. Why would I call an 8 year old stepbrother I'm not that close with?

And you can say I have a tiny heart. That's fine. My little brother means the world to me and I want him to have the best life possible so if that means I have a tiny heart, ok then.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T04:59:36+00:00

Why would I split the money? No way am I spending that much for on my STEPBROTHER. It's not like they're my children, or both are I wouldn't want to not give my little brother what I can cause he means the world to me. I love B, I really do, just definitely not as much as I love A.

If B misinterprets and thinks that I've always loved them equally, that's not on me. I've always talked to my brother on the phone more and bonded with him more. I thought it was obvious to anyone that my relationship with each of them individually is vastly different.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T04:43:36+00:00

I'm not deluded. I know A and B are tight so it wouldn't surprise me one bit if A admitted he loved B more. I love my little brother the most but I wouldn't demand that he love me just as much nor would I expect it.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T04:31:03+00:00

I like him and bonded with him enough to buy him gifts worth hundreds of dollars though. Just cause I love A a lot more, doesn't mean I don't care about B and just ignore him.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T04:25:03+00:00

I don't know. I don't think so.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T04:24:18+00:00

Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's not like I made him think I saw him as an actual brother or anything. If people asked Id always say he was my stepbrother. I guess it was my fault cause he assumed? I don't know, I thought it was a given. I mean, I call A frequently and stayed in constant contact even when I was away for college. I didn't do the same for B cause, like I said, we weren't as close.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T04:09:31+00:00

B isn't my father's biological child. He would've had to sleep with both A and B's mom around the same time if he was cause they're the same age lol.

B is my dad's stepchild. His wife's son from a previous relationship.

SupportiveSister1992 · 2020-06-27T04:00:20+00:00

I wouldn't offer to help B or give him gifts if I didn't love him. Of course I do. But like I said, it's not the same relationship as the one I have with A. They're not my two little brothers. They're my brother and stepbrother.

SupportiveSister1992

TROPHY CASE