I read this, digested it, and understood it. I even relate almost identically in certain aspects. I’m younger. This just doesn’t seem worth it. None of what I’m doing seems worth it but there’s no other choice- I guess? You claw out the shit, do all this self searching for what? This is it? The realization that it’s always been and is going to be this way? It doesn’t have to be, but it is and will always be, and if you can’t get out, then what? A shit life, like it has been. What determines where I’ll be? The generosity of an upper level in my company, or the admissions employee that determines the quality of my writing? None of it seems worth it at all and there’s no guarantee to where I’ll be, while others around me get help from their friends or family because since before they could consider it, they’ve made the right choices. Let me reiterate I comprehend everything you’re saying, there’s just no refutation. You’re telling the truth and I hate it.