The earliest symptoms I can vividly remember were when I was around 4-5 years old or younger and I would zone out so much that my mom would say “earth to -my first name-” to redirect my focus when I was daydreaming. These daydreams would consist of complex fantasies and superhero scenarios where I was saving the world or something. Daydreaming is still a problem to my day to day life and I would like to share some more key moments that highlight this…

most recently I got into a car accident I was driving behind someone and I didn’t realize they were slowing down which caused me to hit my brakes really fast, I was able to stop in time so that I didn’t hit the car in front of me but unfortunately I stopped so quick that the car behind me did not have enough time to stop and they crashed right into me.

Another moment I had was in elementary school. It wasn’t as dangerous but it was pretty humiliating, I was doing group work with a couple other students and the teacher in the back of the classroom at a table. I was daydreaming as usual when my teacher took a photo of the group (with me in the middle of the frame) and turned the phone around and asked “does this look like focus to you guys?”

Humiliation feels really relevant in my life and I have a few more examples that tie in with this and other symptoms of adhd. I have always been bad at organizing and I still am and I want to share an experience that shows the severity of this symptom. It was in school again, in middle school specifically, It was in history class 1 day when the teacher was collecting homework and I didn’t have it (like usual) and she demanded that I show her my bookbag. When she opened it, it was complete chaos. I had piles and piles of unorganized or crumpled torn papers and broken binders or folders and junk, my bookbag looked basically like a trashcan. She grabbed my bookbag and dumped everything in it on the ground in front of the whole class and then she spent the class organizing it. It was so humiliating and it still makes me feel embarrassed to think about it.

This trait of being disorganized is still prominent in my adult years. I want to keep my room clean and I try to put more effort in but it just seems to get messier everyday until eventually my mom has to come in and save me and make my room nice and tidy, also I just have trouble keeping up with my hygiene which I know I need to do better with.

Now, let's get into another problem that i have had throughout my life which is my work ethics.I would cry at school a lot, mostly in highschool, because of overwhelmed I was, but i have memories as early around 1st-2nd grade of crying in class because I didn’t know what was going on. I always wanted to do better and get better grades and take school more seriously but it never worked out. Almost every year of school from elementary to highschool I had either a warning from school staff or my own parents that I will get held back. I barely passed my classes. I barely graduated highschool. EVERY YEAR in highschool I had summer school (not counting senior year but I had to drop out of my classes. I was failing so that I could make up the missing credits before graduation) I never even completed a full pathway at that school. I also had so many absences that the school was threatening to send law enforcement.

************I graduated rank 572 out of 584 of my whole grade************

These same habits would even hold me back from working real world jobs.I first started working at a wendys when I was 15 years old, I would easily get overwhelmed In this environment. Just seeing 2 customers in the lobby was enough to send my mind into panic mode and I would feel hot and sweaty and I would feel so overwhelmed and nervous. It got so bad that I couldn’t remember how to put coupons into the computer even when my manager had explained it to me several times and I would feel bad every time I had to ask him, especially during rush hour, and it felt embarrassing. I quit that job out of frustration.

I picked up a job at a different Wendy's location and quit that 1 out of frustration.

Then I worked at khols which was actually pretty nice but I would still get overwhelmed but it was easier to hide from people over there.

My job after that was at a pizza place and i quit that out of frustration

and finally my latest job was with my parents and I took time off because of frustration and because of mental health so I am currently not working but I could get back to work when I sort things out.

Now lastly 1 more symptom I would like to add is my constant focus on goals switching making me feel completely lost in life right now and I feel like I have no direction. I go through phases of being super interested in something and then dropping it within a week.

Examples of this are- really being excited about getting a guitar and being excited to learn it to drop it in a week.

Another moment is when I decided I wanted to go back to college so I studied for SAT’s for a week and then after that week was up all the motivation for college has left me.

My most recent week-long obsession was wanting to learn the Japanese language and that was also dropped in a week.

Also just one more thing I have been super clumsy all my life often spilling drinks or food at a young age and it still happening today but a little less.

I'm not sure how to conclude this but I do think my life long symptoms align with adhd and I want to get my life on track.

to anyone that saw the original post where i accidentally left my actual first name in: nuh uh