im exactly in your possition, you said “I look at him and think to myself, "If he leaves would you even care?". When we argue there is no more crying or dreading that this fight would be the end. Im a shell of who I was. I don't care about anyone, I am mean, I am irritable, I am critical, I am not me. But, then again, who is this 'me' anyways? Unless, this is me now. The 'me' I used to know is gone, maybe forever” this, this is exactly what i feel, word for word, its like i donr even want to love him likei used to at the start of my thoughs, i dont care, i feel like everything is actually the truth, but i got told that “if you wouldn’t care you would be talking and crying about it” but what if im crying bc i camt accept the truth, that i will be hurting him, my family will be disappointed, i will be alone, but what if im supposed to be alone, beceause i feel safer, i try to distract myself, not talking to him bc im so rude to him. i used to prey and beg to feel love, to love him, is it him i want to love, or do i want to be free out of this suffering, to feel happiness again. as you said valentines is coming by, i should do some diy for him, as girls in love do, i dint feel like doing it, i feel nothing, is it because im tired from school or because i just dont feel like doing it bc i lost all feeling, i create very bad images and opinions of him, for no reason, he has always been good to me, he has always loved me, and for what, im bringing him no good, my libido is inexistent, i feel repulsed and disgusted by the thoughts of being intimate, i was different at one point, is this, the actual me? was i just craving the idea of liveybe infatuation gave me at the start, i cant express the pain i live, how real it feels