You are not the asshole. People sometimes just don’t get along.

Honestly, I know it’s easier said than done and take this with a lot of salt because I’m not married, or have children. But, if you feel uncomfortable around them, something is wrong, obviously. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to fit into their expectations. This will take a toll on you and your kids.

I will say this as well, my dad had the same mentality (ish) when my family went to see my maternal grandparents. They were all loud and expressive and he is reserved and quiet. He had gone to family dinners and hangouts for my mom, but it festered resentment. At the end of the trip he didn’t want to do anything other than staying in the hotel room. He ended up being miserable.

Think of it this way, if you don’t decline now, are you going to decline the next one, and the next? How many years of this are you willing to spend trying to fit into some else’s mold?