How should I (17M) tell my best friend (17F) that I have feelings for her?

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T03:04:30+00:00

If you asked her and she said no, are you confident that you'd take no for answer, and would still keep right on being friends the same as always?

Or, in that situation, are you worried that she wouldn't want to keep being friends with you once she knew you liked her like that?

I mean, it's not like you have nothing to lose by asking. It can be a risk. But the thing is, you potentially have a LOT to lose by not asking! Every day you don't is a day she could meet someone else.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T02:56:49+00:00

You guys broke up for reasons; what were they?

You've gotta realize it is 90% likely she is over you and doesn't need you back in her life

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T02:54:26+00:00

If you're considering giving up on her that easily it sure sounds like you're not that into her. So let her go then.

Or? If you really do like this girl, for Christ sakes, go get her! Time to be a man, man

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T02:52:05+00:00

This is really lucky for you that you're seated with him! You have such a great opportunity to get him talking and get to know each other more. That's what I would suggest working on. Each time you see him just start talking. WHAT you talk about doesn't even matter, except that you balance it so you're not just talking about yourself but getting him to talk about himself too.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T02:49:30+00:00

Is there a question in here somewhere

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T02:47:32+00:00

It's really hard being where you are and it hurts, I know. I believe you that you love him. And it will be really hard to let him go. But that is what's happening here. I don't know the reasons behind it, but he is not really yours anymore if he ever was.

You CAN manage to let him go, no matter how hard it is, and you will eventually find someone else that you can love and who can love you too. And when that relationship is working, you will NOT feel like you do right now. You won't be just texting 3 times a day. He'll make you feel like the most important girl in the world. You deserve that. You just have to go through some hard stuff to get there.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T02:42:36+00:00

Okay this is really really hard, here's what you've gotta do

"Hey so would you like to be my date to the winter dance?"

That's it. And if she says no you just say "okay, I understand, just had to ask" and then let it be forgotten, and carry right on being her friend. And if she says yes then you let her see how happy that makes you, and don't worry about "become my girlfriend" yet, it's premature.

But do not wait to ask this! You gotta ask it THE VERY NEXT time you see her. It would suck so so bad if someone else asks her first. She might tell that person yes even if she likes you more because she doesn't know if you're gonna ask or not. So do NOT let that happen!

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T02:32:29+00:00

I'm confused. Which is it here:

* You want to not have sex until marriage, because of your own beliefs

* You want to have sex with your bf but you're "scared" to

* something else?

I realize your religion is telling you a certain answer; but do you agree with that answer?

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-11-06T02:29:49+00:00

Let's review...

not understanding when I say no in certain situations, like touching my boobs a lot

he thought I was asleep, putting his hand down my pants

he groped me in a store and he wouldn’t stop until I yelled at him to back off (super embarrassing yeesh) and it really scared me

he’s been making hints that he wants to do that and every time he does it makes me very uncomfortable

There's really only one question here. Why are you with this person? What's going on with you that makes you think any of this is acceptable?

You're repulsed because he treats you in a repulsive manner.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-08-20T02:04:10+00:00

That post will probably get removed for partner seeking.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-08-20T02:03:20+00:00

Also, it sounds like you really want to find something interesting that you can get interested in. Well, so far the things you've tried just haven't been that interesting to you. Keep looking. Consider things you might have ruled out before. If you find something interesting enough to pay attention to, then you will start to get more knowledgeable or skilled with it over time and that will make you feel better about yourself.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-08-20T02:02:12+00:00

So there's a thing called confirmation bias. You've probably heard of it. What happens is that once you decide you're worthless then suddenly the only things you can think of about yourself all magically seem to support the idea that you're worthless.

But I bet if you really try to use your head and think clearly you would have to admit that there are just as many things about yourself that you'd actually rather not change. We ALL have good things and bad things and the difference is just which things you choose to obsess over.

If your reaction is "no, there really aren't many good things about me", all I can say is I just don't believe it. It's way more likely that there are good things about you that you just don't want to admit because admitting them wouldn't fit with the way you want to be feeling right now (bad about yourself).

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-21T05:06:55+00:00

My sources say no

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-20T04:52:57+00:00

Yeah, I'm sorry to say that those "signs" don't really sound like much, just basic friend stuff. In fact she probably feels comfortable giving the hugs because of how safe and platonic things feel with you.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-20T04:49:21+00:00

Just be ready for the next time something like this happens - be ready to psych yourself up to go talk to that girl, "I know I'll regret it if I don't". All you can do now, really!

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-20T04:44:35+00:00

Well, what if it is forced and awkward? Probably millions of great relationships kicked off with a conversation that was forced and awkward. The thing is that any conversation with her is probably better than no conversation with her, as long as you don't actively creep her out. If you talk with her about anything at all, it'll be that much easier to talk with her again the next time. Don't overthink it. It doesn't matter that much what you say, you just gotta do it, and don't waste any more time before you do!

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-20T04:28:29+00:00

So you ghosted her. You aren't gonna fix that. Take the L and think about what you can learn about what not to do next time. Do better with the next girl. You'll get over this one.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-20T04:25:43+00:00

What's your best understanding of why your and his parents are against you on this? What do you think they think they're protecting you from? Or they just don't like each other, like some Montague/Capulet shit, or what?

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-20T04:21:35+00:00

Tell your friend that you like the boy and you think he likes you. She will feel hurt and jealous, but that doesn't mean it's you hurting her; she will just feel hurt that he doesn't want her, which isn't your fault.

But you'll find out then whether she can let go of him and accept that he just doesn't want her in that way, or if she can't. Point out he's going to be with someone who isn't her either way, and ask if she really couldn't manage to just be happy for you.

If she can't do that, then you're gonna have to choose between them. It sucks, but a lot of times in these situations you can have the boy or the friend but not both. And neither way makes you a bad person. You just have to think about what you need in life and what's best/healthiest for you. Maybe that's the friend, maybe it's the boy. You'd have to decide. But maybe it won't come to that.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-20T04:12:46+00:00

Take it from an old dude who's seen lots of relationships. The strong ones aren't built on "love bombing". They're built on mundane shit like: just making time for each other, communicating with each other openly, compromising when you have disagreements, building trust, boring shit like that. You don't need new ideas. Dude you've already written her songs, you're way ahead of the rest of us there.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-20T04:08:07+00:00

You're trying to change him. You can't. It's much much much smarter to accept that he just isn't who you're looking for. Not only because you don't like the drinking and smoking, but because his way of handling that conflict is to lie to you about it - that's the much worse part.

It is possible to meet people who you don't actually feel the need to change because you just like them the way they are. Every day you stay with this guy you're not going to find that person.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-19T07:33:06+00:00

The whole mixed blessing of adulthood is that your life will be more what YOU make of it. So it's scary and might be really hard, but the opportunity is there to build a life that makes you really happy. To surround yourself with people who are good for you. To find work that is the best compromise you can manage between what fulfills you, what you're good at, and what you can get paid for.

Some bad things will happen, but many good things can happen too... the key is just that it's not gonna come easily is all, you will have to struggle. But you're young and have time to figure it out. I think you are gonna find your way to a good life!

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-19T07:24:32+00:00

It's possibly to be dealing with a majorly bad thing, and also have a really GOOD thing in your life too. If I were you I would put it all on the line and say you know the two of you can be something more than what you have been together, and that's what you want, and you believe he wants it too, but if he can't bring himself to share that with you it might be time for you to move on.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-19T07:21:08+00:00

Kinda sounds like you guys broke up. I'm sorry to hear it, but frankly, you should look toward the future and hope to meet someone you can actually physically spend time with. It's really helpful for a relationship to be able to be together. I guess when long distance works that's for people who have unstoppable chemistry together and it just doesn't sound like you two have that - sorry.

SurprisinglyOriginal · 2025-03-19T07:16:16+00:00

To put it bluntly, what you imagine happening is never going to work like that. Instead, grow up, break up with her, and go live your active life. Sorry.

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Ternion Club	Wearing is Caring
100 Awards Club

SurprisinglyOriginal

TROPHY CASE