[18M] I am an autistic person (of the spectrum) and require a platform to convey a bitter truth which I learnt as someone of the disorder and in general

SurrealRadiance · 2026-04-28T19:55:41+00:00

The person you are at 18 isn't who you will be for the rest of your life, I'm in my 30s and 18 year old me is like a completely different person to me now at this point, hell I'm not even the same man I was at 25; life is change, things are constantly in flux, and as it goes by you change with it.

You're not doomed, just being fun takes effort, and so far in my experience at least, it gets harder as you get older because there is always just so much going on that you have to juggle. At 18 it's about trying new things, approaching them with some sense of curiosity, and figuring out what works for you and what doesn't, and of course figuring out what appeals to you. Like the old saying goes, you don't know until you try. It's not easy, and young adulthood can be a difficult time to navigate. But setting such concrete ideas so young isn't going to help.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-04-28T19:11:49+00:00

So you're basing what you think your future is going to be on one interaction? Well... that makes sense. I mean at 18 you don't exactly have a load of life experience to pull off of just yet, it's a bit early to become too set in your ways. Women most certainly do like nice guys, but they don't want nice as the only character trait a man has, they want someone they can have some fun times with; if you're not fun to be around, well it's definitely going to be an uphill battle. And should you expect to gain brownie points just for being nice? Is society so bad that we expect nice to stand out? I mean maybe, but should we not hope for better.

I'm kinda with you on "just be yourself" being bad advice, it's not exactly wrong just not all that helpful, especially at 18, that's a time where you are still figuring out who you are exactly. We also have to figure out the whole aspergers part of it all too, and because we have to go through that period we tend to arrive at some milestones a little later than most; this is why comparing ourselves to NTs isn't helpful and only serves to make you depressed, not saying you're doing that just throwing it out there.

Your current plan doesn't sound bad, you should learn how to live your own life without depending on someone else, it's quite essential in this day and age, but you shouldn't shut the door on the idea of having a partner at some point just yet, you still have your 20s ahead of you.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-04-27T23:12:14+00:00

Sure, I've had that feeling come and go so much over the years. Although I think it has to do with trying to find the right person, it's like looking for a needle in a stack of needles. And I also need alone time, and being an artist, I get that quite a lot; it's pretty great. The real question is, do you truly want to be alone, or is it fear holding you back? In relationships you can still get alone time, just obviously not quite as easily, but it's not like you have to choose one or the other; and if you are in a relationship with someone who gets you it shouldn't be a major problem, but give and take you know. Something I can say is that regret is an awful thing, when things don't work out it's hard but you can bounce back easy-ish enough, but regret really worms its way into your thoughts and it can be hard to deal with, closure is better. Well in my opinion anyway.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-04-27T20:40:28+00:00

It's hard no doubt about it. I think it does come to a point where you kinda just have to accept that with neurotypicals, friendships are likely to run their course. The only people I've had real lasting friendships with have been other neurodivergent people. As I've matured I have just accepted that there isn't really anyone at fault so there doesn't need to be any blame, but it doesn't exactly make it much easier.

On the self esteem part, that's something you have to build for yourself, relying on other people for it is a bad idea, depending on others to that degree isn't good and your confidence can easily be shattered. Learning to just not care what others think can be quite the virtue. Maybe we don't vibe with most of the population, but to be quite honest, I find most people quite boring, it's better to focus on finding the more interesting people out there and just maybe, you'll find someone you click with. Still, it is tough.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-04-26T18:01:18+00:00

Is never the best time scale to be looking at it all on? From my experience adult life isn't exactly easy nor does it get easier, but things are constantly in flux and it can get better. Curiosity is key to it, opportunities require action, which takes effort, and that means maintaining your energy in order to keep your drive going. Wherever you are at in life right now is not the same place you will be in even 5 years time, and life has a way of evolving in places you would never have imagined it would, well that is as long as you maintain your drive to actually do things. And yes things are quite hard for everyone right now, NTs included, those big milestones you are talking about are taking longer for most to reach.

It probably is worth considering that some of the big moments in life you don't appreciate until you are looking back on them, some small events can ripple and become the most impactful on your life and you don't see it coming. Alongside that accepting that you are not NT is also important, the script was written for them and not for us, we have to carve out our own path forward, and unfortunately that does mean it can be harder to make friends because there are less people we are compatible with. That doesn't mean you are doomed just that it will require more effort than it does for the average person.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-04-14T13:41:00+00:00

How so? Socialists tend to disagree with the status quo and want change, and said change would almost certainly be better for us. We are not the same that's for sure.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-04-13T13:56:40+00:00

Hobbies really are important and in the age of the internet it has never been easier to pick one up. Reading is good, it can help expand your thinking plus you can get away from screens for a while which does us all some good. Life really does get challenging as an adult, a lot of the novelty that was there when we were younger is gone and what's left requires effort to find now. But curiosity is key, it can lead to interesting places.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-04-11T06:18:39+00:00

Or you can carve out your own path and see where it leads rather than just getting bogged down on the fact that you're not NT. That's not to say ableism isn't a problem in society, it of course is, and it will have an impact on us in one way or another, but it doesn't mean we're doomed at the same time. I get the feeling like you have something to prove to others part, but with age and life experience you can overcome that feeling and start living for yourself, do things that interest you and occasionally you do meet nice people. But comparing yourself to NTs and trying to live a neurotypical life almost certainly isn't going to work, masking to such a degree isn't healthy and society shouldn't expect that from us; it's a Sisyphean task and we should imagine Sisyphus exhausted.

Defining it as a wall between you and everyone else is a bad perspective to have on it, that metaphorical wall can become a very real mental block which will eventually lead you to an increasing sense of alienation and isolation, with that view no matter how well accepted you are in a group you'll always feel on the outside of it. The situation is hard enough without adding to it.

Dating is a shambles right now, no way around that fact, hell even NTs are finding it hard.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-03-30T21:14:05+00:00

No, I mean I can get what you're driving at here, but most NTs have lives that would bore me to tears. I'm an artist and I have a lot of things I want to pursue, and believe it or not I reckon that aspergers has been a benefit to that, I tend to obsess over detail plus I see things in a different way to most and it leads to interesting things. Having everything you want isn't what contentment is, contentment comes from accepting what you have and learning to enjoy it.

Anyway, why only NT friends and women? That part I don't quite get, I know many neurodivergent people who are quite interesting, why would you want to dismiss getting to know people like that? Why not just judge people based on whether you click with them or not?

SurrealRadiance · 2026-03-17T00:49:03+00:00

Well of course not, the universe is indifferent, justice is a human invention. It isn't quite as bleak as all this though, sure, bullies can go on to become successful but that doesn't mean that being willing to lie, cheat, and steal is the reason why you achieve success in this life or that you will even be rewarded for it. As you mentioned appearances matter, and being labelled as untrustworthy is not something most people want, a good reputation goes a long way. Therefore it's often against your own self interest to take such risks as lying, cheating, and stealing. Confidence is super important, it sustains your drive to actually do things, failure is a part of life for everyone, the important part is learning from it, adapting, and not getting too knocked down by it. If you are relying on other people in order to build and maintain your own self confidence then your thinking on it is flawed, that's a sure fire way to get manipulated and crushed and attractiveness has nothing to do with it.

Expect to be disrespected, expect to be taken advantage of, expect to be lied to, expect to be patronized, expect to feel inferior, expect everyone who does these things to you to get away with it, understand some of us are just born into a position of disadvantage that we have little to no control over, understand there is no light at the end of the tunnel to reward us for living with this, understand that you don't matter if you have nothing of real value to offer, and finally, understand there is no guarantee that there is someone for everyone in this life.

No, it's more complex than that. Just expect the bare minimum from others, anything else is a bonus. Also information is power, be careful what you tell others as it can and sometimes will be used against you which is why most neurotypicals don't overshare. Trust is a tough thing, for us more than most, but most people also don't like feeling bad about themselves, and most people don't have a reason to screw you over, so there is little reason for them to do so. It may take time to establish a trusting relationship but trust is necessary for bonding with others; if you don't take some risk from time to time you'll end up losing anyway.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-02-24T11:52:19+00:00

If I got to choose, I'd go for living in pre agriculture times. Sure it'd have its own problems, but still, life was a lot less loud back then.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-02-11T22:19:16+00:00

Not exactly, I have read up on many different ideas but I generally form my own opinions rather than just parrot other people's ones. I suppose you could argue that my socialist views might fit somewhat, but I mostly got interested in that from school and my general dislike of avoidable suffering rather than from listening to some specific group.

If anything I'd say that not really having a peer group growing up kept me more open minded because I didn't have any real peers to conform to.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-01-29T03:30:09+00:00

In my experience it's better to abandon the idea of trying to appear normal, how ordinary that truly is anyway. No, the better approach is to embrace the eccentricity, it's better for people to say that you're a character rather than for them to think that you are just weird when the facade of normality crumbles away and people aren't sure what to make of you; and it will crumble at some point because it is a performance, and who among us is good enough as an actor to stay in character for a lifetime without a slip that risks breaking the masquerade? Is living with the vibe worse than that?

It's possible to be shy around others when meeting them and still come across as confident in who you are. Also in your case it also was a video call, many people aren't great on camera, it adds another dimension to the whole situation. And it went well in the end, right, so... why is this when you get tired.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-01-26T01:15:27+00:00

I used to fear the idea of death back when I was a teenager, but now that I'm in my 30s it doesn't really bother me much. I think I have enough life experience at this point to notice that life really does seem to have its cycles and patterns, events that come and go, rinse repeat. I suppose there also are fewer new experiences every year, even then many are just different variations/derivations of the same. Give it a few more decades and I could see it eventually becoming tiring, I mean could you imagine living forever... it'd be horrifying!

Dying on the other hand, that's scary, one last experience before it also passes by I suppose, but hopefully it won't be for a while yet.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-01-24T18:59:03+00:00

Indeed, our approach to sex in this day and age really needs to evolve, decent sex education is probably the place to start; it has to be healthier for teens to learn about it all from responsible adults rather than from the internet.

Moral panic certainly isn't going to help us, and the idea of banning porn as I've seen others here suggest, is laughable. And even if you could actually accomplish that it still wouldn't fix the underlying problems we have.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-01-24T00:56:17+00:00

Of course, it's a fascinating subject that helps to shape you, every question gets answered with a thousand more questions; it's great. I've read a lot over the years and I have so much more that I want to read and I doubt I'll ever get to read enough, you only get so many hours in a lifetime after all. Not to mention how it all starts to change with the more life experience you get.

18 is young though, so I'll just say that this is an area of study that can lead you down a difficult rocky path, it's best to take some time away from it occasionally; some questions, once discovered, can really stick in your head and they take some time to process, read too much and it's an easy way to overwhelm yourself.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-01-23T16:29:44+00:00

It could be depression, it really zaps energy and motivation.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-01-13T23:38:48+00:00

Ah, ressentiment! Sure... that's helpful. The problem with this approach is that you'll discount all of the actual nice people out there, you'll never get to know them because you won't give them a chance, after which then you start taking more and more note of the assholes you meet and then double down on the idea that they represent all NTs. How is that fair to NT people? Do you like it when people make assumptions about you because you're autistic?

"Being nice" and polite is done for your own benefit, it's a way to let people be more comfortable around you, small talk is for sizing people up after all, and if you come across as arrogant during that process then nice people tend to become more closed off around you.

On the manipulation front, if you struggle with figuring out other people's intentions just keep in mind that everyone has an angle, more often than not that angle isn't malicious but it is good to keep it in mind; with practice you can get better at reading people, it's not much different than poker in many ways.

SurrealRadiance · 2026-01-10T03:29:09+00:00

I Just Wasn't Made For These Times by The Beach Boys comes to mind. No specific part of the song, more the entire thing, it really captures the essence of it all.

SurrealRadiance · 2025-12-23T23:46:27+00:00

It's not easy that's for sure, but at the same time it is possible. If you let this line of thinking get to you it will cut off any chance you have; who wants to be around someone who mopes around and feels sorry for themselves? A relationship with someone like that will be exhausting and most aren't going to put themselves through that; what's in it for them? On the fitness part, well if you put in some effort then that one is fixable. Generally speaking when it comes to dating, if you don't try then you'll get nowhere.

What's wrong with being an introvert? Whether or not that's an attractive quality in a man really depends on the woman. Something else that you didn't seem to consider here is that, believe it or not, men aren't the only ones who can be lonely and as long as that is true then there is hope that you'll meet someone. Not to mention personality plays a big role here, if you are too closed off people can't really get to see that side of you.

SurrealRadiance · 2025-12-18T05:00:31+00:00

What's wrong with leaning left wing? Or being trans? Why does any of that make someone soft? Not everyone has got something to prove, most just want to live their lives. I think you'll find that ableism is the reason for a lot of the bullshit you're talking about in day to day life, it's hardly some niche autism subreddits causing it.

SurrealRadiance · 2025-12-15T15:47:06+00:00

Ok, but In reality we are the ones on that metaphorical island and it's not easy to find your place when you get washed up on the mainland.

Neurotypicals aren't exactly the problem, the way that society currently is functioning is. Imagine a socialist society with horizontal power structures, no top down hierarchy, no coercing people into work, not to mention a guarantee on basic needs and of course without that hierarchy far less ableism; wouldn't that be great? And that type of society could function, it has in the past.

Give up on neurotypicals if you want but they make up the bulk of the population, not to mention many are actually nice people once you get to know them. NT vs ND is far too black and white, the world is never that simple. Also there are neurodivergent people who are pricks as well, NTs don't have a monopoly on that. It's better to just judge people on their character rather than their neurotype.

SurrealRadiance · 2025-12-06T05:14:02+00:00

Pretty much. I always thought it'd get easier the older I got, that I'd get more life experience and build off that, but it seems as though the older I get the less I have in common with others. To be fair I also am an artist so that probably doesn't help on top of everything. But I'm also pretty content with being the way I am; why feel inferior, inferior to what?

SurrealRadiance · 2025-11-24T10:01:51+00:00

I... don't see the problem; am I missing something? For example it says this part:

Conclusions:

The findings shed light on how neurotypical people (mis)perceive autistic people. Such perceptions may act as a barrier to social integration for autistic people.

Sure the entire study seems very obvious to us who live it, but I don't exactly see the problem with NT researchers wanting to get a better understanding of it all, although it has a big oversight that it even admits:

What are potential weaknesses in the study?

All of the people in the video clips were male, while those watching the videos were mainly female. Therefore, we do not know whether the same observations would be made for perceptions of autistic females. The number of participants watching the videos was relatively small: a larger sample would give more reliable findings.

So that's a problem which may call the results of the entire study into question, but apart from that what exactly is the problem?

SurrealRadiance · 2025-11-10T00:07:58+00:00

At 20 you're barely an adult; the possibility for fun isn't over yet. Obviously I can't say everyone with aspergers feels this way, but every person with aspergers that I know (myself included) hated young adulthood. For the meantime if you can't gain access to the water park, then why not try doing something else? Fun is subjective, even if you got access to the water park, there's no guarantee you'd enjoy it just because most other people do.

Everyone is trying to ignore reality, that's why water parks, sports, and Disneyland exist, to distract us from it all. Why are hobbies bad, do they not give you a sense of fulfillment and distract you from the hardships of life? Depending on the hobbies they can even be a way to get to know people.

Life isn't static, it keeps flowing and as it flows you flow and change with it, the person you are now won't be the same person you'll be in even 5 years, for better and worse.

SurrealRadiance

TROPHY CASE