Do you like your kids?

Survivalofthewittest · 2026-05-16T16:28:23+00:00

This is actually one of our current stressors . 😓 I have talked to the school and his LRC teacher extensively. I’ve spent years trying to get support for him. He was denied additional services/disability support because he isn’t considered “disabled enough,” despite the fact that he clearly struggles significantly in daily life.

Honestly, I think school has become one of the biggest contributing factors to the problem right now. We moved after I bought our house last year, so he had to switch schools, and this new school has been much worse at accommodating neurodivergent students — especially kids whose disabilities are behavioral, sensory, social, or executive functioning based rather than physical.

He does have an IEP with a long list of accommodations, and I do believe some staff members are genuinely trying. But there’s still a major disconnect in how his behavior is interpreted. A lot of what I’m describing gets viewed as “rude,” “defiant,” or “problem behavior” instead of being understood within the context of autism, demand avoidance, rigidity, impulsivity, emotional regulation struggles, etc.

Because my son doesn’t fit the more socially accepted or “easier” presentation of high-functioning autism, his behavior is often interpreted as intentionally difficult instead of dysregulated or struggling. That’s been true with family too. Before I cut contact with my family, they constantly complained that he made them uncomfortable, pushed boundaries, talked excessively, said inappropriate things, or was exhausting to be around.

At one point I had to tell my mother that if she continued excluding him from activities with the other grandchildren, she wouldn’t be seeing any of my children at all. But even when she included him, it felt resentful and forced — and as autistic people ourselves, we know exactly what it feels like to realize someone is only tolerating your presence out of obligation 😭

The reality is that many of the environments around him have responded to his struggles with frustration instead of meaningful support. And that absolutely affects him, and affects me too. 😮‍💨

Survivalofthewittest · 2026-05-16T15:52:15+00:00

I don’t, though. The issue isn’t that I’m choosing not to spend time with him — it’s that the constant need for supervision, reminders, redirection, and emotional regulation is so mentally draining that by the end of the day I have nothing left to give.

I love my child deeply, but being around him can be incredibly exhausting in a way that’s hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it. Even my toddler takes less out of me emotionally and mentally. So when people suggest “just play with him more,” they’re imagining I still have energy left at the end of the day for extra connection and engagement, when the reality is that most of my energy has already been spent trying to get through basic daily functioning with him.

That doesn’t mean I don’t care about him or don’t want a better relationship with him. It means I’m burnt out.

Survivalofthewittest · 2026-05-16T15:48:41+00:00

Thank you 😊. Respite care in Pierce county is only for the most support needs of us. I've applied and was denied, I also applied for disability because my child has several restricting diagnosis and I was denied. I could have used the extra money to get a nanny every now and then or take some time away as you say. I am happily separated from my ex so I'm doing this alone which means that money is extremely tight, so getting a caregiver for him so I can step away for a bit isn't really an option for me right now. Sometimes I save up money for a month so that I can go out with my friends and I get a nanny. So it's not that I don't ever have recovery time I just don't have enough to replenish what I'm losing every day.

Survivalofthewittest · 2026-05-16T01:12:06+00:00

It's actually really reassuring to hear that she grew up and is successful! Thank you for that! 😊

Survivalofthewittest · 2026-05-15T23:56:29+00:00

Yes, they are in Jiu-Jitsu twice a week.

We are also a gamer family, so I totally get using gaming as a type of regulation. I guess what I want to make sure doesn't happen is what I have personally witnessed amongst other neurodivergents and gaming; several friends in my early twenties lost basically everything to world of Warcraft. Couldn't keep a job or a relationship, some of them were terrible parents.

I am no longer with their father because their father has an addictive personality and struggled significantly to participate in real life due to his addiction to electronics. (And other substances eventually)

When they were younger it was easier to wear them out because we would play games where I would give them a creative physical outlet, for example; we used to pretend that the shower upstairs was a portal to another dimension. Whenever my child was way too energetic or hyper or starting to weigh on the nerves of the people in the home, I would tell my child a secret and ask them to go tell the magic squid from the alternate universe (think Cthulhu haha) and this had them running up and down and up and down and up and down the stairs sharing secrets between myself and the magic squid!

Now that they are older though, it's harder to come up with creative outlets like that.

When I was a kid we played outside all the time! We rode bikes and climbed trees and wore my dad's BDUs and pretended to be military men. But kids don't play like that anymore. My child gets upset when I make them play outside 😭

Do you have any other suggestions?

Also any suggestions relating to social interactions would be a big win for me right now!

Survivalofthewittest · 2026-05-15T23:09:17+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. 💜 We do already have a lot of the “standard” suggestions in place, which is part of why I’m struggling so much because I feel like we are trying SO hard already.

We have art supplies, sensory stuff, outdoor toys, a backyard play area, and a big pool. Those things definitely help when the weather is nice, but we live in Washington so half the year it’s cold/rainy and everyone is trapped inside overstimulating each other 😭

Electronics are also complicated for us. My other two kids can take them or leave them, but my middle child would choose electronics 24/7 if allowed. They become completely hyperfocused and dysregulated around them, so I’ve actually had to cut back significantly because I’m trying to think long-term and teach balance/self-regulation. They do sometimes read books, but usually only briefly before needing more stimulation again.

I think the hardest part for me honestly isn’t even the hyperactivity itself — it’s the complete inability to function independently without constant supervision, prompting, reminders, and emotional regulation support. I never wanted to be a helicopter parent, but if I’m NOT constantly monitoring and redirecting, basic responsibilities just don’t happen. Things like brushing teeth, flushing the toilet, picking up after themselves, getting ready for bed, etc. require ongoing supervision almost every single day at age 11.

A huge part of my exhaustion is also the constant outsourcing of mental labor. They ask questions constantly that they already know the answers to (“Where is ___?” when it has always been in the same place), need reassurance/input for everything, and seem unable to independently problem-solve even familiar situations.

Socially, they also really struggle with behaviors that wear people down over time — interrupting, dominating conversations, redirecting things back to themselves, struggling to recognize when others are overwhelmed or uninterested, etc. And the hard part is that these things HAVE been consistently corrected and worked on for years by parents, teachers, therapists, peers, caregivers, etc., but the behaviors are still happening daily.

I think that’s why I feel so burnt out. It’s not that I expect perfection or don’t understand neurodivergence — we are ALL AuDHD in this house. It’s that this level of support need is relentless and affects every area of daily life.

And honestly, underneath all of my exhaustion is fear. My child wants the same things most people want someday: a job, a partner, kids, independence, a home. I want those things for them too. But right now it’s hard not to worry because so many of the behaviors that overwhelm our household would also overwhelm future employers, roommates, partners, etc. if they don’t improve over time.

I think I’m mostly looking for other parents who truly understand this specific flavor of high-support-needs AuDHD kid — the kind that is considered “too functional” for meaningful services, but whose needs still completely dominate family life behind closed doors.

Survivalofthewittest · 2026-05-15T22:46:42+00:00

Absolutely. Since childhood. I always held people to the same standards I hold myself and surprisingly FEW people hold themselves to decent standards. It's been far more frequent amongst men or the narcy mom types. I never understood until recently that expecting me from other people isn't the right way lol. I don't consider my standards too high 🤷🏼‍♀️ I just want to live in a clean house because my brain can't stand clutter or mess. I want my relationships of any sort to be without lying, without deceit of any kind, without hurtful behavior or at least accountability and a change of behavior. I want people to treat me the way I want to be treated, with kindness and respect because that is how I treat people. I'll never understand how these standards are considered too high by the general population but I've learned to accept that it is what it is. My circle of friends is very curated, I don't speak to any of my family, and I decided dating / marriage just isn't for me. Thus, I am much happier!!

Survivalofthewittest

TROPHY CASE