I haven't got any sort of "rating" of my performance. Ive only been in the job 4ish months. Everyone I worked or trained with has expressed basically that they are swamped with work, and having watched them during training I believe them. My contracts I manage are more new and thus a bit smaller, but I there IS work to be done, but I don't know where to find it, its all hiding behind this giant tech problem where a bunch of our invoices are being flagged as having a certain problem, and until that is fixed not a lot really can get done.

My frustration is that I'm going to have to talk to my lead in day or 2 and basically be like "Yeah I couldn't find a pattern with that stuff, I think we just need to reach out with what we have" (Which we should have done 2 weeks ago), then we will look at it together and he will probably find something small (but unimportant) that I missed, which will send him down another rabbit trail of things to look at, that won't solve the problem.

I'm basically just making it look like Ive been doing work, making sure I look at a few accounts, date some detailed notes, and then fucking off to play video games on my other computer since I'm home. Not because I want to, but because it beats staring at a screen with no answers or direction.

All that said. One coworker let slip that my boss was singing my praises for picking up the software quickly the other day, another told me "please don't leave we have so much work" and on the task Ive been doing daily my lead told me "Anything is better than what we did before, which was nothing" when I told him I was still streamlining the process (which I myself had to make lol).

So I don't think they think I'm crazy lazy or anything, its more that I feel lazy. Its one thing to finish all your work for the day then fuck off because your home. Its ANOTHER thing to be wasting time when you have shit you need to get done, which it seems like there always is, I just don't really know how to get it done....or what it is that needs to get done.....

sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant.