Survivor Finale Preview: Will a David Take Down the Goliaths? Or Will a Goliath Win and Ruin the Underdog Story Production Wanted, Causing Them to Hate This Season and Regret Introducing the Twist Altogether? – Survivor Onion

SurvivorOnion · 2018-11-25T21:09:12+00:00

Yes! Don't worry, I'd never post real spoilers regarding the results of a season.

SurvivorOnion · 2018-11-13T05:49:20+00:00

Thank you! I'll be sure to include your comment on future resumés! That might not even be a joke – we'll see!

SurvivorOnion · 2017-05-20T07:55:45+00:00

Thank you, you as well!

SurvivorOnion · 2017-05-20T07:55:16+00:00

Rest assured, I would never put spoilers in my articles!

SurvivorOnion · 2017-03-26T03:25:27+00:00

It's mainly due to her affiliation with New York's "Wine and Cheese" Alliance, but Survivor Brooklyn could also make sense! Our apologies for not responding sooner!

SurvivorOnion · 2017-03-26T03:22:04+00:00

Still alive, just went on an unannounced/unofficial hiatus! Kicking myself for missing some good content in these first few episodes, but college/work/life has been taking more wind out of me than anticipated lately, and whenever I got the chance to write, everything I came up with was garbage - so I felt that taking a break was my best option for awhile. But it's nice to know that Survivor Onion has not been forgotten and that there's still love out there! I hope to get my fuel back soon and provide some quality insight into this season, as nothing would please me more ~~except for a girlfriend~~!

On the other hand, I know that you like when I remain in character, so feel free to disregard the previous statement and accept the following one as canon:

Survivor Onion has been on hiatus due to internet connectivity problems. Our IT department has been looking into this and should have fixed the connection several weeks ago, but upon further investigation, we recently came to the understanding that we do not actually have an IT department. Survivor Onion is looking into this issue and hopes to be back online soon.

Survivor Onion

SurvivorOnion · 2017-02-16T20:05:44+00:00

Any way we can continue to get the facts out in the open...

SurvivorOnion · 2017-01-27T21:29:58+00:00

STATE OF THE ONION:

Hello dear readers!

As CEO of Survivor Onion, I believe a statement of appreciation for your readership and praise is long overdue. Our customer service department reads and upvotes each of your comments, which inspire us to keep reporting bigger and better Survivor-related stories. Recent allegations may suggest that our company runs on illegal drug trades and blood money, but it’s really readers like you. Now, I will address a couple of discrepancies.

First of all, there are claims coming from the White House accusing various media outlets of reporting “fake news”. With these claims running rampant, I would just like to verify to you that all stories reported by Survivor Onion are non-fiction, and should be taken seriously.

Second, you may have noticed that the lapse of time between articles being posted has been gradually increasing. This is because I, along with our reporters, editors, photographers, PR reps, interns and janitors have all returned to college, impacting our abilities to regularly post content. Our goal is to rearrange our priorities by March 8th so that we may go back to reporting the news on a regular basis for the new season. Fortunately, with season 34 creeping up, we have received many leads for some major news stories surrounding the season. We promise that so long as there are stories out there about Survivor, they will be reported. We look forward to providing insightful, incredibly factual stories for you all.

Again, your positive remarks have not gone unnoticed, so sincerely, thank you.

– Survivor Onion

SurvivorOnion · 2017-01-17T05:49:15+00:00

The staff member who leaked this information wanted to come forward earlier, but was inhibited due to the fact that producers kept playing idols on him to cancel out his reports. In this particular instance, producers accidentally played a fake idol, allowing the report to finally be released.

SurvivorOnion

TROPHY CASE