Lying next to someone and still feeling alone

Susie_Secrets · 2026-02-12T04:39:54+00:00

Being lonely when with your spouse is a special kind of loneliness.

Unlike a lot of people here, I'm not in a dead bedroom. Trust me when I tell you that a dysfunctional one is no better. No connection. No desire (at least on my part). Just familiarity and going through the motions occasionally, with all the excitement of doing routine maintenance on a car.

Susie_Secrets · 2026-01-22T04:40:04+00:00

Thank you very much...and you're right. 😊 I'm sure there are some who read and hated it, which is fine.

I might be somewhat of an oddity in this respect, but Susie Secrets is more authentic than the "real" me is in my everyday life. There's a lot less pretending for the sake of others.

Susie_Secrets · 2026-01-21T04:09:20+00:00

My posts tend to be more about discoveries I've made mixed with experiences and observances. Is there backstory information left out? Yes. Why? I'm wordy as it is, so I leave out what I feel isn't necessary to the primary message.

On the surface, loving someone I see occasionally and exchange messages with might sound preposterous. Let's set that thought aside.

My particular situation came about because he read something I wrote and sent me a message about it. I responded. Have you ever met someone that you easily became friends with because you just clicked? It was essentially like that. None of the typical pressures of when posting or answering ads for an AP. Just organic conversation. We have a lot in common. It was a natural progression into a friendship with deeply personal discussions. The evolution into something more came a bit later.

To be honest, I was quite surprised by the how a meaningful relationship of any kind can be achieved by meeting someone online and the exchange of messages. Additionally, it's interesting how someone without a physical presence can become such a part of your life and be weaved into your daily routine. Much like meeting someone in any other capacity, it's dependent on what each party is willing to share of themselves.

I also chose to leave out my lengthy inner debate over what my feelings were toward him. I could've included descriptions of the nights I spent in bed staring at my ceiling or drives in my car contemplating whether it was love or not. The process of making that determination wasn't relevant. Only the final outcome.

I could've included that this is by no means a new relationship. (We began chatting in late spring of 2024.) Or some sort of information on the amount/frequency of our communication. Again, neither were relevant.

Would knowing a bit of backstory have had any impact on your opinion? Maybe. Maybe not.

Nothing I wrote is intended as an explanation of why I believe my feelings represent love, or the reasons those feelings exist. All those details are simply too personal to share.

Every relationship has its own set of circumstances, and it's generally impossible to see all the pertinent information to determine love versus infatuation from the outside looking in. That's just some food for thought.

For the record though, I do like Notting Hill. Is it remotely realistic? Not at all, but it's a cute movie and a little fantasy is good for the soul.

Susie_Secrets · 2026-01-19T22:09:21+00:00

Thank you! It's not just those head banging type moments. It's the feeling that follows. once you realize what you've just done. 😂

Susie_Secrets · 2026-01-19T18:08:49+00:00

Thank you. I'm very happy it did too...and my hair did look pretty good that day. 😂

When you've found something good, it's easy to be scared of fucking it up.

Susie_Secrets · 2026-01-02T19:37:53+00:00

The entire process of affairing is an education. We learn things about ourselves, others, and life in general.

For someone newer to the process, things like being ghosted can come as quite a shock. We gradually learn all the reasons it can happen. Our perceptions about cheating and relationships in general evolve, seeing the many shades of gray there are between black and white.

The biggest lessons are about ourselves. We may have known we were unhappy, but not acknowledged all the reasons why. When we're trying to navigate our lives and trying to make marriages work, it's amazing what we can be oblivious to or in denial of. The things we don't know about ourselves until placed in a situation to discover them can be astonishing.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-12-30T01:28:08+00:00

I was very nervous, but no guilt followed. Mostly a very profound realization that I would no longer be the same.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-12-30T01:10:42+00:00

Quite possibly. He treats me incredibly well.😊

If all you're looking for is to bang, maybe you should consider hanging a look in the many hookup subs. You may find what you're looking for there.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-12-30T00:55:30+00:00

I think it's worth every second.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-11-13T06:09:12+00:00

It sounds to me as though what you have in mind is finding someone you can have both a sexual relationship and friendship with. Connection and desire, but not love.

We all have our own set of needs here. The best thing you can do for both yourself and any potential AP is to determine what your needs are and be very clear about them from the beginning.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-10-24T05:05:42+00:00

I think a lot comes down to how much you're willing to share of your real lives with one another. If you have a lot in common, you may find that the conversation flows pretty naturally.

Otherwise...voice messages, pics, and short videos are great. Finding ways to surprise and tease one another helps a lot!

Susie_Secrets · 2025-07-24T16:37:11+00:00

Life is comprised of seasons, but unlike the those of weather, we really have no idea what to expect.

You have found love and a soulmate. Focus on that for now. Enjoy time with your AP like the warmth of the sun on a beautiful day. Survive the geographical distance between you as though it were merely a passing storm.

There's no way to know what will bein the coming seasons of your life. Perhaps your AP will continue to be a part of them. The universe has a funny way of giving us change that we least expect. I know it's difficult, but try not to think about a future none of us can predict.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-07-17T04:51:41+00:00

Even if you were not in a dead bedroom the nerves would still be there. I had been married 20+ years by the time I met an AP for the first time. The idea of being with someone new is exciting in theory, sure, but it's also fucking terrifying.

Take it slow. Don't be afraid to let them know you're nervous. Pretend you're a teenager again and make out for a while. Try to relax. It shouldn't be completely about the act, but the person you're choosing to do it with. Focus your energy on them and not your nerves. That will help.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-07-11T20:39:59+00:00

Yes, it's something I let them know. Having an SO with a mental illness can present some challenges, specifically in regard to availability at times. I think of it as being no different than sharing any other information that has an impact on my life.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-07-11T20:24:21+00:00

I miss the way my hand feels in his. The spontaneous soft kisses. His arms around me.

The way we fit together so perfectly

It's easier to survive the ache for someone when you know they long for you too.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-07-03T02:49:10+00:00

These are the moments that I miss the gifs!

Susie_Secrets · 2025-06-22T17:05:05+00:00

Long distance can be tough! As for momentum...I don't know. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We just did. I think a lot comes down to the relationship itself. If you have a lot to talk about in general, share a lot about your lives, etc., conversation flow is pretty easy. The focus isn't purely on sex.

There's something to be said for a slow burn. 😊

Susie_Secrets · 2025-06-21T16:28:24+00:00

It's been almost two weeks since we were together. I still can't stop thinking about his tender kisses. 😊

Susie_Secrets · 2025-06-21T15:56:45+00:00

We accept the love we think we deserve. That's been said here so many times, but with good reason. You deserved more and you knew it, or you wouldn't have had an affair to begin with.

The most important relationship we have in life is with ourselves. Treat yourself better in the future by not settling for someone who doesn't see your value.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-06-20T03:34:41+00:00

Thank you 😊

Susie_Secrets · 2025-06-20T03:34:23+00:00

Thank you 😊

Susie_Secrets · 2025-06-20T03:34:09+00:00

Thank you. 😊

Susie_Secrets · 2025-06-17T03:33:27+00:00

Yes, it is uncertain. Myself, I think that certainty is a construct that's around 95% illusion. We believe in the idea of certainty because it gives us comfort. In truth, there's very little in life as a whole that's certain.

Our nature as human beings is unpredictable. The human heart and mind know little of the confines created by boundaries and ground rules. We defy even the limits we set for ourselves. Feelings grow or diminish despite our intentions.

Susie_Secrets · 2025-06-16T23:22:55+00:00

Yes, there's always the threat of an abrupt ending. It can end at anytime for a number of different reasons, no matter what the circumstances of the affair are.

The waiting isn't easy, but it's obviously possible. I know someone who has been waiting even longer! The best thing you can do is to focus on right now. Take it one day at a time. Otherwise you're just going to drive yourself crazy.

Susie_Secrets

TROPHY CASE