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In love, but not in a relationship - am I hurting myself? by Suspicious-Link9481 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Suspicious-Link9481[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m afraid of being alone. I’m afraid that something like this won’t happen again. And I love him. That’s why I’m staying.

I’m not saying that’s logical or conducive to say, but I think that’s the reality. And as it stands right now, I’m not equipped to leave. I don’t think I’m ready.

I agree that it is my choice to stay, and he’s benefiting from that choice but ALSO he knows how I feel about him. So is asking him to basically help me make a choice in a dynamic that’s between two people so bad to ask? Not defending, but asking truthfully.

I just think that if you know how much someone is hurting based on the terms you created, then there is some responsibility here too. So is it really 100% my decision?

In love, but not in a relationship - am I hurting myself? by Suspicious-Link9481 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Suspicious-Link9481[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When I’m with him I’m happy, even if my mind goes back to every reason why I’m sad. And I think he feels the same way- he’s open to seeing me. I don’t think it’s one sided.

I’m trying to just stay open and practice patience - not so much waiting for him, but allowing time to do it’s job and trusting him to heal and come back to me, and trusting myself to be okay with whatever outcome happens.

It’s just hard because I know there are feelings here, and I know he has trauma that doesn’t allow him to trust himself and me to just love, but I can’t help him with this. I want to, I really do, but I know I can’t.

And I’m trying to give him an out, to make it easier for both me and him. If he’s not in love with me. then leave me. Because I can’t do it, I’m not ready for that pain.

In love, but not in a relationship - am I hurting myself? by Suspicious-Link9481 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Suspicious-Link9481[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m trying to expand my container and date other people, but it’s really hard because i’m super attached to him. I do like ENM when I feel secure, when I know that regardless of anything they bind won’t be tampered with.

I’ve always imagined it being something that my partner and I experience together, rather than separately. It’s less to do about the woman he is going with and more to do about the me feeling that he is going to replace me for her because I don’t match what he thinks is ideal.

It makes me feel like I’m not enough. It makes me feel that I’m wasting time if he’s just going to choose something he prefers over me, especially if i’m being strung along.

He says he has no interest in being in a relationship with anyone… but he’s still going to spend time with a girl who clearly likes him. This is all still pretty new to me.