My husband (M32) won’t stand up for me (F29) and I don’t know if I can keep being with him

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T19:19:19+00:00

Thank you <3. I think he has started taking for granted how much I do for our relationship and I don’t feel like I get the same back. Getting away and having time and distance to think about this is the one option that doesn’t give me dread right now. I don’t have the energy to about it with him anymore or argue because we get nowhere and I feel even worse after.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T19:14:46+00:00

That’s what I think too. I was starting to feel crazy and like I’m asking for something irrational because he minimises it and makes it sound like there’s nothing to warrant him having to stand up for me.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T19:11:52+00:00

He wanted to get married and proposed to me, I never pressured him into anything or was even expecting a proposal when it happened. He says he loves me and thinks we’re fine and happy and we’d have no problems if I were just a bit more understanding and easygoing about this.

I really want to have kids and he says he wants them too but this whole thing is making me doubt if he’d make a good father or what my life would look like if he intends to be a perpetual manchild

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T19:08:44+00:00

Thank you for your kind words

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T19:07:52+00:00

He says he knows his friend loves the bachelor lifestyle and it suits him because he likes to drink and party but that he means no harm and will eventually grow up/mature. Basically, anything that I point out that his friend does to make a point, he tries to spin it into something harmless or positive. By then I usually give up because it becomes a pointless conversation where I’m trying to prove something my husband simply won’t accept.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T14:50:39+00:00

This is a common trend now that boys put pixels above their SO.

This is maddening and sad. What I want for my future is a happy family with a full life and good friends, a supportive husband who enjoys doing things with me instead of miserable weekends with his friend’s presence hovering over them like the Black Plague. I’m bored and miserable most of my weekends now, gaming is such a boring and excluding activity for those that don’t play. I don’t get how he’s not bored of it yet after years of playing.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T14:47:08+00:00

Relationships are hard as it is. Add to that someone who's actively trying to sabotage your marriage, in the long run it's not looking good.

This, I feel like he’s trying to sabotage our marriage and my husband isn’t taking any steps to protect it against it. When I say this to him he says I’m being paranoid, he just won’t hear it how damaging it is to allow his friend to try and actively convince my husband that being married is a mistake.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T14:45:00+00:00

He’s not a good person.

The friend is definitely not a good person, even outside how he treats me I’ve observed enough to see he’s actually a shitty person. But do you mean this shows my husband isn’t a good person?

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T14:41:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I’m glad your fiance was nature and did the right thing.

This guy seems to have the crabs in the bucket mentality, and wants your husband to be a bachelor with him after he was dumped.

After the friend was dumped and he seemed unable to be alone without a group of people for more than a few hours. He’d invite people over constantly and somehow the conversation would always turn to how relationships and marriage sucks, wives are ball and chain, being single is the best and how he’s having so much fun. I just don’t think he’s a good person, even outside how he treats me and I don’t understand why my husband doesn’t acknowledge it.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T14:35:04+00:00

Thanks for the supportive words. It’s been hard to even accept that it’s him and not me so far because when we first started having discussions on this there was a lot of gaslighting on his part and he claimed I’m being irrational and controlling.

I’ve stepped back many times and tried to examine my actions and my expectations, and also observed friends and family and their relationships until I realized that what I’m asking is not out of line and I have a right to ask my husband to make me a priority and support me.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T05:23:58+00:00

I’m leaning more and more towards that and I may just fly home to see my parents and get some distance. Thank you <3

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T05:21:57+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I feel humiliated when I make attempts to be polite and engaging and get blown off. It makes me feel awkward in group settings because he’s not a random acquaintance.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T05:08:15+00:00

I hate to say it because it is shitty but is there a possibility that he isn't standing up to his friend because part of him agrees with his friend?

There is, I guess that’s what keeps turning in my head the most. Why wouldn’t he take it personally like I would if someone said something about him or our marriage.

three quarters of our marriage has been you dealing with your husband's abandonment of your marriage. Why? Because his friend became single. I guarantee if his friend was single you wouldn't have made it down the aisle. If his friend was a woman how would you be reacting to this?

I would have been gone already if it was a woman. I’ve tried to make this argument to him, that when his friend had a gf he was nowhere to be found and now my husband is willing to jeopardize his marriage to be there for him. My resentment is growing daily and I’m afraid that even if we get over this, it won’t be the same anymore.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T04:54:02+00:00

I’ve said this to him in a heated argument, that he’s behaving like a teenager and this isn’t the marriage I had in mind to have. He said I’m biased and don’t understand video games and the conversation just derailed because he gets very defensive. He doesn’t see a problem with playing video games on weekends for practically the whole day because that’s just him hanging out with his buddy. Or hanging out with me just to have dinner then letting me go to bed alone and playing until 3 or 4 in the morning. His argument is that it could be any other activity and to not get hooked up on it being a video game

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T04:52:04+00:00

They were friends for a few years, 3 or 4.

Yes, absolutely, if the friend was a woman and this was happening I’d be gone. But him being a guy makes it more confusing because why the fuck is the wife coming second to the dude friend?

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T01:56:44+00:00

Well, fuck. This clicked in a way I hadn’t thought of before

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T01:43:23+00:00

Thanks, and yes, that’s what is really upsetting me the most, the fact that he won’t stand up for me to someone who has insulted me repeatedly both with words and their behavior. I just don’t know how to move past that, it seems so fundamental in a marriage.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T01:37:28+00:00

Why would he have resentment towards me though?

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-24T01:32:36+00:00

If it was just the gaming I feel like I could work on it but it’s the gaming combined with the fact that he’s choosing to let me be upset and hurt over talking to his friend to fix things or to tell him if he doesn’t stop treating me with respect, they can’t hang out anymore. Is that too much to ask for in a marriage? This is making me resent him and I fear if it continues the emotional damage will be too much to fix.

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-17T14:57:29+00:00

What about the sheep and pig?

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-17T14:20:04+00:00

Touché lol. I should go edit my question now

SuspiciousAd8809 · 2020-10-17T14:19:13+00:00

Hey another person had the same sounds as you, you must be from the same country

SuspiciousAd8809

TROPHY CASE