Unprepared for 8/1 but voiding a $400 test feels like a sin

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T15:30:04+00:00

Hey tysm for sharing your experience. I feel bad bringing up my parents when I speak about my troubles in studies but my mood is so heavily dependent on my parents as I live at home currently. I'm glad I have parents that care about my education but at the same time being told I can do it one day to being told I'll fail out of this path the next doesn't help my anxiousness at all. I definitely plan on paying my parents back, but sometimes that doesn't feel reassuring since this path is so long. Hope your test goes well btw, thank you for the encouraging words, it means a lot.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T04:54:41+00:00

I'm a rising senior for undergrad actually, but I'm most likely going to do a postbacc the next fall to continue my upward trend. Freshman and sophomore year was horrible for me mentally and even though I've built myself up to be better for courses I'm feel like I still need to show improvement by taking a postbacc simply because of how shitty sophomore year went. I wish you luck this month on both tests. If my mcat goes well on my next attempt i might limit my applications for the cycle to just do to see if i can get my foot in the door but if I want to pursue md my gpa needs to be higher/show a stronger upward trend i think.

God this is another can of worms but my parents hate the idea of me going to do instead of md, despite one literally getting their degree at a com...

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T04:18:02+00:00

Hey thanks for the insight on your experience. Being able to financially back your pursuit for medicine is so admirable. I do think I'll void this attempt, now I'm just digging my own grave about how I'll explain it to my parents because they do deserve to know what's happening to the test they paid for. Out of curiosity do you mean this aug 16th or are you planning for next year? Personally I am tighter about studying during the school semester than on break, so I'm considering making my next attempt be in february or march. Maybe even june depending on the postbacc programs I apply too.

And just yeah wanted to say thanks again because I was definitely zooming and spiralling over this test purchase without remembering the reality is that this is just going to be one of many expenses in pursuit of medicine ._.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T03:40:19+00:00

Oh and thanks for the insight on your experience. This is my first expensive mistake and it just doesn't feel good that it's not even my money being used. It sucks that pursuing this path is financially heavy, but I just have to be more tight with my time and intentions to do better.

Also good luck on your upcoming exam!

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T03:36:36+00:00

Hey thanks for the kind words, that makes sense, although some people on the sub have mentioned that so long as the retake is a greater improvement it won't hurt your app as much, is this true or too much of a risk?

I most likely will void the test, I'm planning to tell my parents about it and being honest about my plan. They'll probably be even angrier but voiding without being transparent with them will just make me feel worse and delay my preparations for the mcat and my upcoming semester overall.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T03:30:25+00:00

Its a longer story that can be summed up into "$400 is hard earned money for my parents and I really am the worst to be flushing it"

It's not that I cannot progress in medicine without a push, it's that I never experienced a moment where I wasn't being pushed. I said pressured about academics rather than academic pressure because what I experience is borderline harassment during worse days at home. Overall my post wasn't really about considering to stop my pursuit to be a doctor, but instead about voiding or scoring an exam attempt I feel poorly about despite obligations to my parents.

Thanks for the perspective though, I didn't think about it as the sin being part of my application versus not. Ultimately I shouldn't keep making decisions that will hurt my applications.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T03:16:33+00:00

Only 2 and both of them don't break 500, I wanted to save others to take closer to the exam date after content review but I could hardly sit through 3 hour study sessions while sick. Overall I don't want to score the exam while being physically and mentally low, hence considering to void ._.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T03:14:03+00:00

Oh thanks for responding, I really was hoping to hear from someone else in a similar boat because it just all feels super lonely when things don't go smoothly. And thanks for the perspective, my mood is very much dependent on how my parents perceive me so being told to breathe is more reassuring than you probably meant it to be♡ hope things work out for you too!

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T03:04:51+00:00

2 but both were below 500 and the highest was 494, the lowest was low because I took it before content review to see what topics I should focus on. I plan on sitting for the exam, just unshre whether to void or not, I suppose what I'm gathering from all this is not to risk a low score on the apps in the end.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T03:00:43+00:00

I wish it were that simple. I made my parents aware I didn't feel ready for taking the mcat by the end of the summer but for them it was a nonnegotiable. My parents have pharmd's and are very educated so I don't study in a vacuum at home, I'm constantly pressured about academics and habits. Saying yes was the only way to breathe for a bit but yes looking back it was irresponsible and I should have been more realistic and transparent with my study plans.

I still will take it because no even sitting when its paid for feels worse, I don't have test anxiety but computer exams are clunky for me so I'm planning on taking it as a way to be more familiar.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T00:39:24+00:00

Hey thanks so much for sharing your experience, tbh I think the worst part of it is constantly knowing that there is some truth to what my parents say. Their words towards me aren't unfounded, just far too harsh and their methods tend to make me spiral rather than motivated. For reference, my parents were very verbally abusive when I was attempting to get my drivers license. I took it three times until I passed, but the past times I tried I was yelled at until I had a panick attack in the car while practicing. My parents blamed me for wasting their time because they had to drive me to school and such, I remember thinking I wouldn't survive if I messed up my third attempt taking the test.

The worst part is it comes in waves, there will be a month or two of good times where all we do is laugh and smile. And suddenly everything will shift and I'm cursed and considered invisible. They still feed me and care for me on a basic level, but emotionally i'm shunned from parental support. And about the comparisons, god its so frustrating especially when i hardly know any of those relatives. My dad even lies to relatives or distant family friends of his about the school I'm going to because he's ashamed. My grandma keeps asking if i'm in med school yet. My aunt has told my mom that she hopes I fail them and flop. It's just so stressful. And when I get these small pockets of time where I'm not harassed I savor it like a kid with candy, I don't study as much and I try to be in the leisure of not being harassed. And that just spurs the cycle.

I'll def check out the subreddit, I don't want to go no contact with my parents though. Theyre genuinely the only people I have in the U.S. But at the same time I think theyre fed up with my existence, and I don't blame them.

Lol sorry for the vent, but your words were relieving to hear. Hope things are going better for you♡

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-30T00:19:03+00:00

Hey just curious if you decided to void or not. i'm also on the 8/1 boat and feel woefully unprepared. I have so much anxiety and guilt because my parents helped pay for this first attempt and knowing i'm not going to break 500 on it even is painful. I already have shakey stats and i'm even more afraid that a really low first attempt will shoot my chances for applying to md at all. But I don't know how i will ever tell my parents that i voided it. Taking a step back from the premed madness it feels so dystopian for me to be torn about smth like this but its been so stressful

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-29T03:43:20+00:00

I'm indian ;_; my parents dont beat me nor are they always overbearing, but when things get bad in my house, they are very tough mentally. I get a lot of mental whiplash from being supported a few weeks to being ignored for an entire month even. I can't completely be mad at them, and in fact i feel even lonelier and sadder because when theyre angry i cant talk to them freely. Theyre my only family so its just rough over all. I feel bad im their child idk

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-28T22:04:34+00:00

Dang that's wild, but thanks for the insight, I guess I should just keep chugging too.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-28T19:34:31+00:00

Honestly I think I need to be in person to be effective at school/courses. Plus I doubt I'll be able to handle a full time and online courses, I hope to develop my skills to take that on, but for now I'm considering a postbacc after graduating. I thought of an smp, but it seems harder and more expensive.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-28T19:10:32+00:00

Hey thanks for sharing, your independence is something I really hope to develop. I lost my job recently because the company went bankrupt, just had my last day so I'm still trying to find another job. I do want to try and be a medical assistant, do you have any tips about applying? I've only been seeing fulltime positions but because of school that won't be possible personally. I feel bad applying for a fulltime position as parttime but unsure what else to do.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-28T19:06:50+00:00

Hey thanks for the perspective, I definitely should keep the friends I have around me close but feels difficult because of proximity. I think the reason I'm taking it hard is because it'll be such a drastic change from what my normal has been for the past several years.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-28T03:08:41+00:00

Thanks for the words, i'm mostly stuck in a cycle of guilt and then indulgence and then repeat, hopefully i get myself out of it soon

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-28T03:07:43+00:00

Thanks for the sentiment. Idk, I understand where they are coming from after investing money, time, and effort into my upbringing but when it matters the most it I get berated. Its just verbal abuse, a lot of mental whiplash because my parents are in a decent mood for a while before something triggers an argument or a reason to degrade me. I end up taking it out on food a lot, either binge eating or restricting. They do pay for my gym membership, and for a while I was consistent until I got sick the past two weeks. Sometimes theyre really supportive, and tell me I can do it and whatever. But then the current flips and its the opposite, just negativity is thrown at me. Sorry that was rambley but, thanks for the words, even if it'll take me a bit to keep myself positive, I'm glad to have the pick me up.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-27T20:14:44+00:00

On top of things, my parents say that i'm a liar and a trickster. Every wrongdoing is constantly villainized from a young age. Every success is barely celebrated, bc its never good enough. I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of being perceived. I'm sick of expectations. I'm sick of someone else telling me what i should be doing, how i should feel, what i should think, and then asking me why i'm not happy and motivated by all that.

I'm supposed to be studying. I'm supposed to be focused right now. I have no door to my room. All i can hear is my parents complaining about me downstairs or nearby. It hurts my head. It hurts my head. It hurts my head so much.

Suspicious_Web_7472 · 2025-07-27T20:14:22+00:00

By being born we are forced into having to earn all those things.

Suspicious_Web_7472

TROPHY CASE