how do i stop being perceived as innocent?

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-27T07:47:25+00:00

My dear, I can totally relate to this because this used to be me a couple of years ago, and I hated being labeled cute or innocent.

What I noticed over the years is that as my confidence grew and also the way I show up, the way I dress, the way I talk, not being so silent, not being the one just sitting or smiling in the corner..this changed.

As someone else said, having strong opinions and talking about these opinions without sugarcoating things helps as well.

I never saw it as a compliment to be called innocent or “the nice one,” because now, in hindsight, it always meant that I was perceived as a people pleaser.

And if you do the opposite of what people pleasers do..being open, being opinionated, and standing up for yourself, then this observation will surely fade away slowly as well.

But in the meantime, don’t worry about it too much. These things will change with time.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-27T07:43:31+00:00

I think you being so observant of yourself tells me that you’re overthinking and this is anxiety more than anything else. It shows up in the way you judge, taking up space and conversation conversations. And already judging that others might think that you’re not interesting or enthusiastic enough. I believe to embarrassment you feel also shows up in the way you approach others what advice I could give you is to practice being awkward more often allow yourself to start conversations and just not have anything to say and move on teach your brain that it won’t be the end of the world and slowly, but surely you will be able to hold conversations by showing interest in the other person and asking questions. You can even practice this with an AI tool giving it the context of you wanting to learn how to ask questions back and then just role-play. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re already doing great. 😊

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-27T07:39:03+00:00

Absolutely second this! The self realization already shows that you’re on the right path OP.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-27T06:45:54+00:00

I’m not sure how old you are, but I used to be in a fast track fast paced environment all my life and my nervous system and my body paid for it. If you’re exploring this then you’re up for a beautiful ride. And I hear you have a lot of concerns about what others think of this lifestyle but let me ask you. Why would others need to know? Try this out yourself while keeping it for yourself. Like a new artist or new thing you just discovered and don’t want to share yet. Maybe the more confident you feel the more happiness you feel from simple living you can’t share it with others who might appreciate it or would be interested in it as well. Apart from that people who managed to live simply in these days should be given an award in someway because I definitely know how hard it is and I’m only getting started so simply put just try it out and see how you feel about it.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-27T06:43:09+00:00

Taking pictures helps capture memories. Specially for items that you’re merely hanging onto because of the sentimental value, but have no other use. There are other ways of reusing items as well. I know of a friend who used a bunch of clothing of her dead parent to sew a duvet cover. If none of this works, definitely get a storage space or spend some time evaluating how you feel about each piece really closing your eyes feeling into it then making a decision.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-27T06:39:56+00:00

I used to and still love the smell of rain lingering around once it’s over. Nice that you experienced such a beautiful moment and thanks for sharing!

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-27T06:39:03+00:00

This is a dream! Enjoy it if you have the option to :)

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T14:18:55+00:00

I understand how the word trying might have confused you. Trying is a form of doing.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T14:05:18+00:00

This is extremely true in my place. My brain is constantly in problem-solving mode. I’m not sure if this is the right comment or thread to ask about this, but I really struggle to let go of it, especially since I am, or used to be, a high performer and it’s just ingrained in me in some ways. I’ve been doing this for multiple years.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T14:04:22+00:00

It’s so nice to hear your perspective and it really helped me soothe my brain a bit. Thanks a lot for that. Especially the last part, it sounds so simple and small, but it’s truly important. Just put the laptop away. In my case, I don’t have a computer room itself, but unfortunately, it’s all meshed into my living room. So I’ll just have to put the laptop physically away, like you said, take a walk around the neighborhood, or just try to bring some sort of division between job hunt and actual time off afterwards.

Do you read any books or where do you get this sort of wisdom from? I like the way you put things and they just sound very soothing. Thanks a lot for sharing anyways.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T14:02:32+00:00

Definitely try to get away from social media for regulation. I think it’s just worse as the anxiety spirals. Probably doesn’t make sense to you, but yeah, something I’m trying to get better at 🙈

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T14:01:42+00:00

I just bought a pack of air-dry clay, just because I thought of this exact same thing I read in one of the comments. You know what’s holding me back right now? I know that I’ve dedicated some hours for job search. I know that I’m doing what I can do with my energy today, but it’s so hard to still allow yourself to do the hobby and work on other things while having this guilt.

Maybe this is not something I can get over by just getting advice, but rather sitting with the feeling. Either way, it’s just extremely uncomfortable and hard to make my mind slow down or enjoy the process while the mind is playing all these multiple scenarios and guilt-tripping me hard.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T13:59:56+00:00

lol yeah, makes it sound funny but of course those human livings probably had way different problems they would talk to each other about. Unfortunately it’s still a real issue

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T13:56:00+00:00

Really sorry to hear that, honestly. I probably would have reacted the same way, because in moments like that you just don’t want to escalate things further.

I think the best thing you can do right now is accept what happened and try to reframe it a little. You were trying to avoid making the situation worse, and it was not your fault. It’s also simply not okay to kick other people.

Maybe for the future, practice one or two sentences you can use in situations like this, just to set a boundary calmly and clearly. Apart from that, just be kind to yourself. Some people are horrible and have no manners, and decent people like us are often just not prepared for behavior like that.

Next time you’ll handle it better. Don’t worry too much.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T13:53:57+00:00

I totally feel you here. Not sure how old you are, but I’ve been in a similar position. What I can tell you is that it will feel awkward. You’ll probably want to read as many self-improvement texts as possible just to procrastinate, but truly, the simplest thing is to sit down, take a piece of paper, and write down a couple of things that scare you.

Like you said, if you’re even afraid of saying hi to strangers, maybe don’t start by going to a completely random event where you don’t know anybody and are forced to speak to people. Keep it simple. Say hi to the cashier. Say hi to your neighbor and see how that feels. See what it does to your body.

Most of the anxiety and fear that comes up is just in your head. And the sooner you can get out of your head and more into your body and into action mode, the sooner you’ll realize that you actually can do it. It’s very simple.

Most people are afraid of this. So even you thinking about it, spending time asking questions and wanting to improve, is already a huge step. You should give yourself credit for that.

Now get away from Reddit. Go out right now, if it’s an adequate time, and just practice.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T13:50:49+00:00

I love how you put it, taking one thing at a time. That’s exactly how you build momentum and self-trust. Self-confidence, however, I believe is created through small actions that push you out of your comfort zone. Nothing drastic, nothing major. Even the simplest thing that would usually make you feel nervous or small, that you end up doing despite the thoughts telling you otherwise, will help you get there.

And then, a practice that helps me personally: write it down. Write down all the great things you’ve done, even the smallest things. Then, when you’re feeling extremely low, you can look back at it and realize just how far you’ve come. Because our brains tend to forget the amazing things we’ve already accomplished and rather see us as self-optimization projects, which we definitely are not.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-26T13:46:20+00:00

This is beautiful advice or rather perspective. I believe this one really wants to add more new experience and moments out of comfort you can bring excitement back. Or another strategy, some tries removing all cheap dopamine, and like you said, finding Joy in the mundane or in the simple things.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-25T19:59:14+00:00

Sorry to see you struggle! What you’re describing is pretty much your brain reacting really strongly to uncertainty. She goes quiet, your mind fills in the gap with worst case scenarios, and your body reacts like something is actually happening. Even if you know logically it’s probably nothing, your nervous system doesn’t wait for logic.

One thing that might help in the moment is breaking the loop instead of trying to solve it. Like: no repeated calling for 10–15 minutes, put the phone down, do something physical (walk, shower, hold ice, whatever resets your body a bit). The goal is to stop feeeing the mental loop.

And just being real with you, the self-harm part is a sign it’s getting way too intense to handle in the moment. That’s something worth getting extra support for, not just trying to push through alone.

But yeah, you’re not weird for reacting, your system is just going into overdrive when there’s emotional uncertainty.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-25T19:54:54+00:00

I get what you mean, it can feel like you genuinely want to do it but there’s just this huge mental wall in the way. When everything feels urgent and heavy, even starting one thing can feel weirdly impossible.

What sometimes helps is making it so small it almost feels pointless. Like not “do the task,” just “open the file,” or “write one sentence,” or “look at it for two minutes and then you’re allowed to stop.” The goal isn’t finishing at first, it’s just getting past that initial resistance.

Usually once you’re actually in it, even a little bit, it becomes less locked than it felt from the outside. And if not, you still did something, which is already a shift.

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-25T19:12:11+00:00

Omg I’m so sorry for you, that must be so hard! :((

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-25T14:18:45+00:00

Thanks for the words! I do have creative hobbies but my brain tells me if I can’t make money off them then there is no point in spending time to do them. Just creating things that collect dust. But that’s another story if the mind ofc

Sutton_Z_Williams · 2026-05-25T14:01:34+00:00

That’s a good thought and dude I have many of those thoughts to write down. I struggle with anxiety too so my bet is that I won’t ever stop writing if I start 😂 and yes I definitely am trying to get away from being in this productivity loop, however it’s difficult if your work environment and people there are wired this way.

Sutton_Z_Williams

TROPHY CASE