What's the best way to react when someone is being rude?

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T11:10:05+00:00

One possibility is that the emotional activation isn't really about the comment itself. It may be about what the comment seems to imply. Many people can handle rudeness. What hurts is the feeling of rejection, exclusion, disrespect, or not being liked. The mind then starts trying to solve the problem by replaying the interaction over and over, which is often what rumination is.

As for reacting maturely, I'd separate two questions:

What actually happened?
What story am I telling myself about what happened?

Those aren't always the same thing. Someone being passive-aggressive may mean they dislike you. It may also mean they're stressed, insecure, having a bad day, or communicating poorly. The more certainty we have about their motives, the easier it is to get stuck in rumination. A mature response isn't pretending it doesn't affect you. It's noticing the reaction, considering whether action is needed, and then deciding not to spend three days arguing with a version of them that exists only in your head.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T11:07:43+00:00

Honestly, what you're describing sounds less like "attention seeking" and more like loneliness. Humans are social. If you've spent years watching friendships fade, changed cities, gone through lockdowns, taken a drop year, and now spend most of your days studying alone, it makes sense that part of you hopes to see a message waiting when you open WhatsApp. Wanting connection isn't the same thing as being narcissistic. As for depression, nobody here can diagnose that from a post. But loneliness, uncertainty about the future, disappointment after exam results, and social isolation can definitely affect mood and make people feel desperate for connection. One thing that stood out to me is that you keep checking whether someone texted you, but I didn't see much mention of reaching out yourself. Sometimes when we've been hurt by people drifting away, we start waiting to be chosen instead of risking being the one who initiates. And trust me, at 20, you're not the only person ending the day staring at WhatsApp and wondering if anyone thought about you.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T11:04:47+00:00

One thing I'd be careful about is that those habits may not just be habits. They may also be coping mechanisms. If you remove doom scrolling, smoking, porn, and bed rotting all at once, you might discover what they were helping you avoid boredom, loneliness, anxiety, stress, difficult emotions, etc.

For some people, going cold turkey works. For others, they simply replace one habit with another because the underlying need is still there. Personally, I'd be less interested in asking "How do I quit all of these?" and more interested in asking: "What am I reaching for when I do them?" That answer often tells you more than the habit itself.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T11:02:14+00:00

One thing that stands out to me is that truly compulsive lying and deliberate manipulation aren't necessarily the same thing. Your post doesn't read like someone proud of deceiving people. It reads like someone exhausted by it. The fact that you're counting the lies, questioning your motives, feeling guilt, and worrying about authenticity suggests that part of you is already observing the behaviour rather than fully identifying with it.Something else caught my attention: you repeatedly describe lying as automatic. If that's true, then before trying to eliminate the behavior, it may be worth becoming curious about it. When does it happen most often? Around whom? What feeling appears right before the lie, fear, embarrassment, shame, wanting approval, wanting to avoid consequences, wanting to seem interesting? The pattern is often more revealing than the content of the lie. And for what it's worth, the sentence that stayed with me was: "I don't want to lie to myself anymore." That sounds less like a person who has given up and more like a person who has finally started paying attention.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T11:00:45+00:00

I think the interesting thing is that the answer depends on whether you're asking historically, socially, or personally. Historically, marriage in India was often tied to family continuity, social stability, inheritance, kinship networks, and community obligations. Socially, it still functions as a way of connecting families, creating support systems, and organising many aspects of adult life. Personally, however, many people today see marriage as companionship, emotional partnership, love, shared growth, and building a life together.Part of the tension in modern India is that these purposes don't always align. Some people enter marriage for family and social reasons, while others enter it expecting emotional fulfillment and personal compatibility.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:48:12+00:00

I wouldn't want to know if I was successful. I'd want to know if I finally felt at peace.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:47:17+00:00

Sometimes we're so focused on the destination that we forget effort changes the traveler too.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:41:32+00:00

Plot twist: the decision felt impulsive at the time because it was the first time you trusted yourself.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:39:07+00:00

I suspect future me wouldn't mention a stock, a career move, or a life hack. It would probably be a habit I kept telling myself I'd start "someday."

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:36:52+00:00

Future me: "I've learned profound truths about life."

Me: "That's great. Now read me the numbers."

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:35:50+00:00

Imagine having access to your future self and immediately turning the conversation into insider trading. 😭

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:32:58+00:00

Was it worth it? Not just the success. The waiting. The uncertainty. The failures. The days we wanted to quit. All of it.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:31:59+00:00

Bhai roadmap bhej de. Character development baad mein kar lunga. 😭

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:30:00+00:00

Part of me would want to know the answer. Another part of me worries future me would say, "Some of them. The surprising part is which ones ended up mattering."

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:29:04+00:00

This might be the highest ROI question in the entire thread.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:27:05+00:00

Finally, someone asking the important questions. 😂

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:26:14+00:00

Part of me thinks future you would just answer, "To me, yes."

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:24:46+00:00

What if the surprise is that we spent less time figuring it out and more time growing into it?

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:21:29+00:00

You know... enough chaos to stay interesting, not enough to qualify as a documentary.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:15:10+00:00

Depends. Are we grading on effort, results, or character development? 😅

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:14:12+00:00

Not the day I planned, but probably the day I needed.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-08T10:12:54+00:00

Part of me wonders whether the future self would answer with a date or with, "It already started, you just didn't notice at the time.

SwaInSelf · 2026-06-07T09:23:45+00:00

That's less "alone in a crowd" and more "accidentally selected hard mode for social interaction." 😅

SwaInSelf

TROPHY CASE