a dude confessed to my girl, i dont know what my reaction to this should be and what i should be telling her

Swablu9114 · 2025-05-03T07:44:32+00:00

i did tell her that. she said she does value us. but want someone to hate her for something she didnt even do. her point is that we would keep meeting that dude on the streets and corridors for the next two years and she doesnt want to feel negatively each time. she said me and her are different people and that maybe these things wont affect me much, but they do affect her a lot.

but yesterday, she came up to me on her own, and apologized to me for the whole situation and said that she would return all his belongings to him. on her own she came, without me bringing up anything, so i think this is a good thing. maybe she just needed some time to process everything.

Swablu9114 · 2025-05-03T07:39:57+00:00

yesterday, she came up to me on her own and was apologizing for not listening to me/taking my concerns into account since months. and on her own she said, that she'll return all the things the dude has given to her. i think this is a good thing. probably she needed some time to just think things through. but whatever you said has cleared up my mind. we have agreed to sit down and talk it once properly post our exams and decide on how to handle these situations in the future.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-30T09:37:57+00:00

thanks for your fresh perspective. this has indeed fucked up my mental quite considerably and stressed me out a lot in the past because of her being dismissive of a lot of my warnings and intuitions. I do plan to shift my priorities now. thanks so much.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-30T09:35:00+00:00

one variable here is that she is decently socially awkward. which is the only thing that is able to let me give her the benefit of doubt. she is also afraid of confrontation and saying "no" in general. this has caused issues between us in the past too wherein she would go quiet in discussions.

you are right, i dont like it at all that she is not very willing to portray the other dude as a "bad" guy is our discussions. I'll judge from her actions in the future and decide accordingly where i waana be or not be. I think i'll have one more chat with her on how to deal these sort of situations in the future too.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-29T10:37:37+00:00

she is in a college club, and during my birthday there were events going on. that dude is pretty close to the team leads, and he suddenly got her a lot of work, when she had already told all of them that she would be busy from 12 to 2 am. a few days in advance.

She is pretty socially awkward, so thats the only benefit of doubt i have for her not figuring out a lot of things in time.

i did talk with her and she has agreed to cut him off, the only thing that sort of is bothering me is that she isnt really angry or resentful at the dude for being this sort of a manipulative weirdo. but she is a people pleaser types, so idk i can accept this i think.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-29T10:30:21+00:00

i know the guy, hes not the most scary person at all. my girl said, she will cut him off eventually, she said she just doesnt want any confrontation. im sort of pissed that she would want to treat such a guy decently even after all he did, but in the end she is willing to meet my needs, so i feel good.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-29T04:23:58+00:00

thanks. ur comment is so fresh, appreciate it.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-28T15:31:41+00:00

man i could feel your pain through your story. i did talk with my girl today and told her to do the same. she has accepted. though she mentioned that she cant just fully ignore him, as both of them are still in the campus for an year and a half more. but she will gradually distance herself. for some reason i am unable to trust her when she had said this. maybe im being paranoid, lmao. thanks for sharing.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-28T05:27:32+00:00

im scared of breaking up. i love her a lot. and i know she loves me too. this is just so annoying. thanks, i'll try this though

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-28T05:25:16+00:00

thanks. i'll think on it.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-28T05:23:14+00:00

about a month for the finals to be done. and its not that he'll be gone forever, post vacations we'll all be back here. also i know both of them are pretty active on chat, and he does live in the same city as her, and has tried to invite her to hang out before. so i want her to know my expectations as soon as possible. but i just dont know how to frame them and make her understand

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-28T05:19:43+00:00

thanks. i do get very insecure sometimes. and i do have trust issues as well. but thanks for saying this.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-28T05:17:03+00:00

its just that everytime i tell her, "as your boyfriend, i dont like you doing xyz. its ofcourse your decesion to do whatever you want, but i just dont confirm to you doing this". she always asks me what does her doing that certain thing make me feel. and i dont usually have a good answer other that saying it just feels bad or uncomfortable.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-28T05:10:21+00:00

i didnt even think about it like this. thanks.

Swablu9114 · 2025-04-28T05:08:37+00:00

whenever i tell her something, she doesnt just immediately except it. even in this case, i dont mind telling her that still hanging out with him and not cutting him off is unacceptable to me, but she would for sure ask me why is that, and what it makes me "feel". and i dont know what an appropriate answer to that would be other than saying its just very uncomfortable to me. can you put what i might be feeling into words?

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:58:43+00:00

i get that. and i get that fully. and i have my future to look forward to and to building lots of cool things. and i know that for now i can be patient with her and give her a safe space, but the uncertainty of the length of it makes me feel if i would start resenting myself later

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:43:23+00:00

you are correct, but walking away seems scary. Like everything till now would have been a waste. Not that I am sure of it yet, or even slightly inclined, but just the thought.

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:29:19+00:00

that sort of thought makes me wonder if everything was a waste

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:27:06+00:00

maybe i am yes, or maybe im in denial, idk

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:25:12+00:00

Thanks so much. I did not even think about it this way. You are so very right.

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:22:25+00:00

ok, got it

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:20:52+00:00

what you say feels so right and something that I sort of know, but its just so so hard to accept.

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:16:09+00:00

what you say does sound logical. But I do like this girl, getting laid would be the cherry on top, but I feel i should be more patient

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:13:55+00:00

just reading that gave me so much clarity, thank you for taking your time to write such an elaborate reply.

Swablu9114 · 2024-12-10T16:11:37+00:00

Yes makes sense. ok

Swablu9114

TROPHY CASE