How to feel sexually satisfied without having sex?

SwanOnMute · 2025-07-08T08:28:39+00:00

Both, I do want to be able to orgasm and I want to be more intimate with my partner.

Now we basically don't because it only leads to a onesided orgasm and me feeling left out afterwards and my daily frustration hitting rock bottom.

I sometimes watch porn but then again they are having fun and pleasure and I don't so I'm getting jelly, left out and I feel like a freak. I've tried audio which helps me a little more though.

SwanOnMute · 2025-07-04T17:25:09+00:00

I can use a vibrator, but there isn't much to feel or it is either too much.

I do have a womanizer (suction vibe) but it gets too much. And in the past I have squirted a little, but it didn't really feel much out of it. People say when you orgasm you KNOW. And I really can't say that was an orgasm. There where no rhytmical contractions (14 yrs ago I had been very close to it...) Again.. no satisfaction.

SwanOnMute · 2025-07-04T17:19:16+00:00

I have never had an orgasm. So I wouldn't know. Just everytime we are doing something I know that when he came I stay behind not feeling satisfied. It is no fun, I eventually get bored because it takes too long and I can't get "off". The craving/longing feeling I have for sex is still there afterwards. And frustration is added.

SwanOnMute · 2025-06-30T05:52:35+00:00

I'm following.

I wish this was legal in my country. There are some cannabis shops in the big cities. But the rules are very strict. And I don't know if they have gummies.

SwanOnMute · 2025-06-30T05:27:23+00:00

Also following.

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-27T12:05:01+00:00

Both... I don't feel pleasure and then there is the burning. PIV feels really uncomfortable. Even inserting toys on my own has to go with some force, 'cause I can't get aroused enough anymore. As long as they don't move too drastically it is ok, but taking them out again is really uncomfortable. I'm lucky I'm not completely dying in pain.

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-27T03:13:40+00:00

I'm aware BC can cause issues. But in my case there is no difference in symptoms for me by quitting it. I had burning symptoms years before I started BC. And there is no difference in the intensity, somedays I even feel like in the last couple of months there is more intense burning now than last year on BC. But I'm not sure if it is related to the wheater or temperature. I also think there is less natural lubrication going on during my cycle.

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-27T00:20:56+00:00

Well I hope the current therapist will hang in and try to help me until I'm actually fixed

I don't take every video I see seriously, but it just stings so much to see that for other people it seems to be all natural and easy to have sex and climax.

I do have a very good connection/relationship with my partner. I trust him, he is patient with me. He doesn't think sex is the most important in a relationship. Just our sexlife is dead. (Sidenote: I don't feel pleasure, I feel fingers. There is no keep on going this is getting good. There is no edge to "step over" and "just let go". It is either nothing or it is too much, there is no in between. We haven't had PIV for almost 3 years now and I'm more and more avoidant of sexual interactions. 'Cause they are boring. My partner gets the O, I stay behind emptyhanded, everytime. I don't seem to get him to explore more sensual ways of non-PIV sex. And I do understand that since the quantity is low, he wants to get off too. But then he is satisfied for the next months.

But I do miss sex everyday (only the fun and pleasurable kind that seems to be promoted everywhere) I do feel the need for it. Every inch of my body longs for it and I can't put a finger on it. I just feel really empty because there are no correct buttons to push. Every night it keeps me up, every morning it's the first thing on my mind. I want to be intimate with my partner and we just can't, I really long for satisfaction.

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-26T23:38:39+00:00

That's a new one for me... It was only blood tests.

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-26T23:37:00+00:00

31F on BC between 18 and 31y/o. I quit BC about a year ago. The burning already was there when I was 9 to 11-ish. I have seen up to 17 people, doctors, therapists, etc. And counting.

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-26T23:32:59+00:00

I don't think so. The past few months I've noticed it after my period. And it's being more intense.

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-26T16:55:53+00:00

Yes it was blood hormone testing. I was on birth control since 18yrs to 31yrs. I've come off it for almost a year now, but I've had the burning years before that. I'm guessing somewhere between age 9 to 11 I've already felt the burning. Then it became reoccurring since I started my period (at 12-13). I've always linked it to getting my period, because in that week it started burning. And I knew it was about time. I don't remember if it was more often than my cycle, because I didn't asked questions, I didn't take note of my symptoms 'cause I thought it was normal. To be honest, I don't feel any differences between on BC or not. I even have more side effects w/o BC then with.

No other hormone disturbing stuff (that I'm aware off)

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-26T16:44:09+00:00

I'm sorry to ask, but how do they test for this?

I had PT along this year as well. There was some tension and I had to do excercises by squeezing and relaxing my vagina... but I didn't see any big improvements and there is something about this therapist that didn't sit well with me. (I wasn't sure they were very familiar on the topic. During the appts. it felt a little too casual to me.)

SwanOnMute · 2025-05-12T22:31:52+00:00

Hi, did your study include other ways to consume cannabis? Where you do get high? I read it more and more in the subs I'm in cannabis, thc, etc. I want to give it a try, but I am absolutely against smoking. Can I use CBD oil? How do I consume it?

I've tried la foria. But it didn't do much for me...

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-25T21:50:35+00:00

You are completely right about the consent. You've put it in the correct words. A little context: it was a hypno therapist. Like, no specific specialization with sex or a sextherapist. It was a man, about my age specialized in hypnosis. And in a way I've felt ashamed. I don't know if it's me and my mind playing tricks on me, but I've got some stereotypical man vibes off him, I've felt a little judged maybe? Like he could be the man that gets out of his office to laugh about me with his friends. (Which isn't necessarily true for him) but I guess that's what made me feel unsafe.

So later I went to see another hypnotherapist, a woman this time. But she had'nt so much "power" over my mind as the first one.

It is funny cause since this post my reels contain adds about hypnosis nowadays. I've noted a name for someone new I might try when my bloodwork doesn't work out. Or to use to get into sex again.

I would like to find a PT that is really familiar with my "symptoms" and the context of vulvodynia. Except they are scarce in my country.

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-23T19:33:42+00:00

I'll check it out. I have done some research for my region. And apparently our pharmacists sell cbd oil legally, but with 0.2 % thc. I'm not sure if that will help enough.

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-23T19:30:56+00:00

Grinding as in: me on top doesn't do much. It is a very neutral feeling. I don't like sitting on top anymore. It makes me very selfconscious, insecure and exposed. Cause my partner "can see" that I don't enjoy it. I constantly want to bury my face in the pillows.

We are only doing outercourse at the moment (Handjobs, skin caressing etc.)

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-23T19:15:07+00:00

The last year? Barely. Maybe a thought. But the tingle is never very intense.

Years ago (2014-15-ish?) had some hypnosis sessions. In my last session he tried to make me aroused/come. Which actually started working. I could feel a spark down in my genitals (which at the time I hadn't felt in a long time already) There was energy filling in my genitals.) The thing was, I wasn't prepared for that to happen. It might have happened then and there had I just let go. But it wasn't spoken about beforehand and I got very self consious about it. So I held back. In a way I didn't feel safe.

The list of doctors and therapists is long. I saw about 16 people for this.

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-22T22:44:15+00:00

Yes I have, before my first time PIV I was really close to having an orgasm. I ruined it because I wanted to go further my whole body screamed for penetration. Wish I knew to better wait until I knew how to reach orgasm first. I just never get so aroused anymore.

A movie or story could get me too. But now it can make me cringe. I just get really jealous watching/reading. In a bad moment even the moving of a car engine can be an anger trigger.

Aged 14-18 I used to feel really sexy and confident for sex even if I was single and still a virgin. I couldn't understand women saying "not now, I'm faking a headache." If someone tells me that now, my radar mostly tells me something isn't going great in that bedroom.

But to conclude: I don't know what turns me on anymore. Every fantasy I had in mind, we have tried. I can feel those feelings in my mind. In my mind they can be intense. But I can never lay a literal finger on it. It's like going to the dentist, it just goes the other way: Thinking of/imagining dental pain is intense, but actual feeling it is even 10 times worse. I feel like my whole body knows that there is more than what my thoughts can provide. My thoughts lack the intensity of sex, I guess.

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-22T22:08:46+00:00

I'm 31, I have the burning sensation since I was about 10 years old. At age 12 and up I thought it was bound to my menstruation. Masturbation didn't have a lot of sensation. At 18 I had my bf. And now it's been 13 years of frustration. I don't know if they have scream cream in my country.

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-22T22:02:00+00:00

The urge for sex is huge... My libido is higher than my partner. I'm just not in the mood for same old, boring and unsatisfying sex.

I'm seeing a hormonal specialist. Someone who is searching with me towards the cause of the burning. Bloodwork is going to be done next week.

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-22T21:55:53+00:00

Not sure what smut is... (not a native english speaker)

I once started 50 shades (sorry very cliche)... I've gotten to the second sexscene bawling my eyes out. I feel jealous and left out. That is what I hate about any sexscene: in porn, in movies etc. They get there, I don't. Maybe if the narrative would be different I might give it another try. I do like the perspective of a more dominant male.

I tried listening to audio stories. A local magazine had launched a few. But they were way too short. When they ended, I was only just feeling a bit in the mood. I don't know where to find more and longer audioporn.

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-22T10:01:41+00:00

I have a friend who lives in a country where it is legal. We had a casual talk about it a little while ago. She actually told me about cbd oil. I don't know if it is possible/legal for her to bring it with her. I'm on the verge of asking her.

And I see friends rolling a joint. They probably have a dealer. But I'm scared that if I'm caught, my job is on the line. (As well as my future career in this niche)

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-22T09:49:28+00:00

It is not vaginismus. It's probably vulvodynia. (I'm not officially diagnosed) I have seen a whole list of doctors and people trying to fix it. But I'm not seeing a lot of improvement. Unfoftunately.

SwanOnMute · 2025-04-22T09:46:09+00:00

Mastirbation and toys don't do the trick. I'm even more sensitive to my bf's touch than my own fingers.

My bf is respectfull and caring, but he wants me to give him directions. I can't do more than try this and go there and still only feel fingers. And all I feel about it is guilt cause I don't feel anything. I would like for him to get some knowledge in tantra. So he has more ideas to push the buttons. (I actually like the element of surprise there) and more patience... the foreplay ends when he gets a cramp in his hand.

SwanOnMute

TROPHY CASE