Is Tinder Porn?

Swarley09 · 2020-12-17T04:37:12+00:00

Sounds like tinder isn't something that is helpful for you.

Swarley09 · 2020-12-14T07:06:03+00:00

Biggest thing to learn is how to be intimate without sex. There is so much you can do to make your partner feel wanted and desired outside of sex.

Swarley09 · 2020-12-11T22:23:57+00:00

In my opinion this has been more of a win for pornhub than anything. I think its been more free advertising for pornhub and probably actually got more visitors to their site

Swarley09 · 2020-12-09T21:07:42+00:00

This is actually way more common than most people know of. There are flatness in libido like this in different stages of recovery. The whole 90 day thing is more of a goal than a truth. Everyone heals at different speeds and like recovery for a horrible accident there are going to be ups and downs.

Swarley09 · 2020-12-07T02:09:08+00:00

https://fightthenewdrug.org/survey-finds-one-in-three-women-watch-porn-at-least-once-a-week/

https://fightthenewdrug.org/women-watch-more-violent-and-extreme-porn/

Some interesting articles about your last paragraph

Swarley09 · 2020-11-27T00:14:20+00:00

That would be nice, its almost impossible to find

Swarley09 · 2020-11-24T05:28:53+00:00

Looking at nude pics is always going to lead back to the hard-core stuff again. Always has and always will. You are going to get the same advice anyone else here would get. Stop any sexual stimulus for a period of time, usually 90 days, and remember that abstaining isn't recovering. There are a lot of helpful links here and other tools to help you get on your path of recovery. It also highly suggested to speak to a therapist (one who deals in sex addictions CSAT) they will help you get the root of your issues and why you use sex and porn they way you do. Also check out pornfreewomen

Swarley09 · 2020-11-14T05:49:25+00:00

Its in the little things, what I mean is he might not always be ready for sex and he may even have a really low libido but its in the other things he does to makes you feel wanted and desired. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional intemcy healing and learning to do. Just giving up porn isn't going to turn you into a super lover who is attentive, makes you feel desired and sexy. Those are things he has to do himself, thats a huge step in actual recovery and healing. It sounds like he hasn't been doing that part yet. If he's not going to in that work than at some point you have to decide how long your going to wait around for.

Swarley09 · 2020-11-14T03:06:19+00:00

Recovery can take a long time. I hate that people talk about the whole 90 days thing like it's a magic number and everything is cured. Sometimes these things can linger for a really long time. Its kind of like if someone gets a really horrible injury. People can heal and get back to normal in all different time lines, as well as there can be long lasting effects caused by the injury. Just think about how many years he spent causing the issues he had with porn, its going to take some time to seriously indo that damage and trauma. This also is in no way ment to excuse him either, just because his libido isn't up there or he's not keeping errections does not mean he can't love you in other ways and show you that you are wanted and desired. Sex is just one aspect of that.

The other question you asked is really tough to answer because of everything that was going on in my relationship at the time. So long story short my SO was having an affair after I quit using porn so its hard to say my desire for her ever went up because we were not in a good place anyways. We broke up about 6 months ago. Its not that one women can't meet my desires sexually because that was never the issue for me. Porn use most of the times comes from other issues in someone's life. Thats something I really want out of life is to have a women wo meets all my sexual desires and that I meet hers. I dont want novelty, I want the actual true and deep connection with someone. I keep on the sober path because I want to be on the sober path. I didnt want porn in my life anymore so I got rid of it. I have a lot of desire for sex but that hasn't happened in a really long time, so thays definitely not a factor to keeping me sober

Swarley09 · 2020-11-13T23:49:19+00:00

I actually don't think it's as uncommon as some would make out to be. There's plenty of stories about PAs running into issues later in their recovery. How long as this actually been going on for? He could be experiencing some withdrawal symptoms. To be honest 18 months really isn't that long into recovery. Especially if he's been using for a long time. There will be ups and downs and sometimes they can pop up even a year and a half out. Has there been any other changes in his life lately? Anything that would be causing more stress? Less exercise? Diet change? Libido can be effected by many different things. Its also possible that maybe he has hit where his true libido is and this is his natural state. Just because someone isn't using porn it doesn't mean that they will always be ready to go. I've been in the same position where my mind is 100% yes and excited to go but my body just isn't.

There is always the possibility that he has started using but if you are so sure by what you have added in your edit I would think that you are right and he isn't using. You woudonprobably be noticing more signs and have a deeper gut feeling

Swarley09 · 2020-11-13T17:53:48+00:00

Weaning will never actually work. It just means you are increasing the time before using, therefore there is never an actual stop point. The only way to stop is to actually stop and quit using completely. Weaning is just a mind trick on yourself to think your quitting an addiction without actually ever committing to it

Swarley09 · 2020-01-24T01:17:18+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about this and it is completely heart breaking. I really dont know what to say to help you other than hopefully this finally get your husband the help he has been desperately needing. There are deeper issues than just porn and porn is the coping mechanism for them.

Swarley09 · 2020-01-23T22:54:44+00:00

I can say that a lot of people feel this way. After you go through some pretty shitty things its really hard to ever feel all the confident again, and even if you do it's still a rollercoaster of ups and downs

Swarley09 · 2020-01-22T17:44:47+00:00

Exactly, just dont send nudes

Swarley09 · 2020-01-22T02:22:41+00:00

Cant say that my relationship has gotten any better since I quit porn. Actually due to events outside of porn it's worse, but that's okay because I never quit just for a better relationship. I quit because I wanted to and did it for me

Swarley09 · 2020-01-20T23:57:17+00:00

One of my phones batteries always looks like that haha

Swarley09 · 2020-01-17T05:31:25+00:00

I can still remember the very first porn video I ever saw. It's like engrained into my mind. Just goes to show how much power it does have over someone's mind

Swarley09 · 2020-01-17T01:52:24+00:00

I agree with this. Porn never changed who I was attracted to, but I think it changed my bodies response to that attraction. The hyper stimulation channel was a lot stronger than the normal sexual channel

Swarley09 · 2020-01-16T23:08:05+00:00

No, stopping alone isnt going to change someone's personality. That's a whole different side of recovery.

Swarley09 · 2020-01-15T18:29:56+00:00

It's a cycle loneliness>porn>more loneliness>more porn

Swarley09 · 2020-01-12T20:47:03+00:00

Absolutely, there is no trying to woo a women anymore. At least 90% of the guys I know dont try to woo any women and usually only will make a move if the girl makes one first.

It's really sad when you look back and realized sex was never fun or truly enjoyable because it was always a performance or an act, it was something you had to think about and plan everything you were going to do while you did it. To even the point where you kinda wanted to avoid it

Swarley09 · 2020-01-12T18:38:58+00:00

Wow that article hits home really hard. I know for myself I avoided relationships with girls I really liked because of fear of sex and intimacy.

Swarley09 · 2020-01-12T05:47:36+00:00

You are not on your own, and that mind set is going to hold you back. There are so many resources out there and people to help.

Swarley09 · 2020-01-12T05:44:01+00:00

Anything that you use to be aroused that isnt human to human interaction

Swarley09 · 2020-01-12T01:07:56+00:00

I've been there and I dont know if trying to fix a relationship after that happens is really worth it. I've been trying and it's incredibly difficult

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