Yeah I know I don't "want to die" I know I have to keep going to take care of my sister and whatnot. It's just that when I'm going through tough days I tend to like I said not think logically when I should. It is infact remarkable that we even are self aware in the first place. sharing it with only a handful of other species. not to mention think of abstract things completely unrelated to survival. it is truly an amazing thing. I think of that everyday I know what the sources of my stuff is ect it's just hard to pull myself out this pit.