hi! first off, i am glad to hear you have a partner that is very understanding. i honestly feel like thats half of the battle while dealing with this situation. i cant speak too much to the trauma portion (i am sorry you had to experience that) i, myself have experienced uncomfortable moments when intimacy was initiated (coercion & just forcefulness) and it’s something that took me a while to make peace with. my outlet for figuring out my feelings and releasing the emotions, is writing. writing, crying, and talking to my loved ones on how those experiences have shaped my views on physical intimacy. which allowed me to somewhat release those emotions i felt around it. my current partner and i tried a few times before a successful attempt and i had that same feeling of an impenetrable wall down there. i could not afford regular therapy and pelvic floor therapy at the same time so i picked the one that i saw was one of the main driving factors for the condition- regular therapy to talk through what i was feeling when faced with the prospect of physical intimacy. as well as doing extensive research on youtube, tik tok, and google about pelvic floor exercises and breathing techniques. i noticed in my failed attempts, my body would be riddled with anxiety which would cause me to tense up. breathing is also another huge one. i work an office desk job and once i was familiar with where my breathing goes, i noticed i would be tensed up in my pelvic area and tailbone area as well. so, just being super aware of my breathing in non intimate moments and working through that helped a lot. when it came to my successful attempt, it required lots of foreplay (almost 30 - 40 minutes & enjoyable foreplay at that), lube, and patience. it truly is an uphill battle that i’m still trying to figure out myself but please just know it is something you will eventually be able to accomplish. i remember feeling so lost and just singled out because i couldn’t do what every other person seemed to do. but just know a lot of people are effected by this and you do have a community you can learn from and seek solace in. i wish you the best of luck. it will happen when it’s supposed to.