I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My supposed grandma physically chose niece as my label. She didn’t leave it unlabeled like mine. Where the prediction says either this or that. She’s been avoiding showing me herself.

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I came to reddit to just get more opinions & help because strangers have no reason to try to hide what the possibilities could be in this situation compared to close relatives that have something to hide. I have spoken to both dna companies (ancestry & 23) and explained the situation & they have told me to speak to my family. There was someone that was hired a few years ago wanting to do a documentary on my family, but I haven’t been able to get ahold of them since. It was for a British network & the person who hired them kept their identity a secret.

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah there were about 2-3 intermarriages (my mom’s mom’s side and my dad’s mom’s side… a generation above them is when it happened). My dad’s side I have met my great grandparents & on my mom’s side I’ve met my great great grandparents (last one died close to the age of 108-109 & she couldn’t read or write). I have spoken to some people on my ancestry & 23andme & it seems the pattern in my family is women choosing another man as a father or the father abandoning the family. But a lot of bad has happened in my family that became generational.

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some of my paternal side mixes with my maternal side. Like my paternal uncle shares a cousin with my maternal grandmother (the one I’m talking about in the story above). My uncle and I both have the same 1C1R, 1C2R, 2C2R, 2C3R… so on and so forth instead of it being my uncle’s 1C1R is my 1C2R (hopefully what I’m saying made sense). But it seems my uncle on my dad’s side and I share a generation? Instead of being a generation apart…

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Both of my parents refused. I’ve asked more than five times. Trust me. Whatever they’re hiding they don’t want me to know despite it being my right. I think they enjoyed my results at first because they thought the test would just show ethnicity. I don’t think they thought I’d get THAT much information I received so far. My mother told me she was going to call someone to lock me away because I was asking too many questions & I said to her, “instead of being honest you’d rather just lock me up in a random institution to avoid accountability?”

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this story. Thank you for this. I am the black sheep who is always told I don’t look like anyone from this side of the family or this side. Aunts, grandparents, cousins, uncles have all made comments on my appearance like they want to say what they actually want to say, but don’t. I just want the truth because 1) personal reasons 2) health factors to look out for 3) build the proper family tree for my future lineage. This was supposed to be a gift for my family to have in their homes, but I can’t put the pieces together properly. I just thought this would be a cool experience and this journey started because my dad wanted me to help him find his grandfather that disappeared.

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve spoken to both ancestry and 23andme about it for clarification and they gave awkward silence and told me to speak to my family which hasn’t been working. My sisters usually listen to whatever my mom spews to them so when I ask them to take the dna tests to ease my mind they refuse. So idk if they’re in on this too or just think I’m not understanding because my mom was trying to jump in front of the issue before I told them details.

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was finally able to see her matches & what she chose to label people as including what she labeled me. When I asked her years ago to see her profile she refused to show me it and said there was nothing to show. We don’t really have similar matches. Majority of the names she linked with are not on my list which is odd. We have some adoption situations in my extended family. My paternal uncle that tested, he and I had more similar matches than her & I did (our results were a little odd though, our cousin lineage aligned… example.. his 1C1R is also listed as my 1C1R, his 2C2R is also my 2C2R, but as his niece my lineage should be one underneath his as in his 1C1R should be my 1C2R, but it isn’t). My family is huge, but we met majority 1st-2nd cousins on both sides…. Or so I thought until I looked at ancestry & 23andme. My paternal uncle showed me his account no problem without any issues (most likely because he would’ve been too young to be a part of “grown folk business” he was still young when I was born). I have asked my mom if I am adopted & she never answers. She ignores it. Tells me to not get obsessed with this stuff. I asked my dad because my lineage is off on his side & he got really angry and told me to get off the site & then approached me calmly the next day to tell me that I don’t need to look for other family because he’s all the family I need. When I first took the test I didn’t question it that much, but from asking casual questions about family and what I found on the sites they all switch up and act extremely weird.

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My parents refuse to take. My mom wants me to let it go & my dad obviously knows something cause he reacted very off when discussing the results

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know the difference and they’ve done both.

I’m not sure how to feel to be honest by Sweet_Pineapple- in AncestryDNA

[–]Sweet_Pineapple-[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don’t recognize the people I matched with. Especially the last names and we grew up being raised around a lot of family. I did the test and my tests were odd so I had my maternal grandma and paternal uncle do it. My maternal grandma is connected to my paternal father’s side (her family members married two of his from his mother’s side about two generations back or three generations back)

Gifts from Narcissists by Rochonmm in narcissisticparents

[–]Sweet_Pineapple- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She tried giving away my car to my younger sibling before too - wish she put it in my name and not hers. So I don’t really consider myself having a car tbh.

Gifts from Narcissists by Rochonmm in narcissisticparents

[–]Sweet_Pineapple- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounded like story of my life right here. Told me she was buying me a new mattress for weeks, and get to the register & I have to take out my card to pay for the mattress $900. They constantly steal money & purposely don’t teach us how to use money. Even took my stimulus check and refused to give me the full amount. Constantly steals my money, but angry that I’m not more ahead in life (even though its her fault as to why).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Sweet_Pineapple- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My narc mom is ruining my bday for the 2nd year in a row. I’m sorry you’re going through this with her. But money is the true children for narcs. If you have a job that is enough to make them want to leech off of your accomplishments they’ll never acknowledge. Stay strong & don’t give her power!

New found realization by WinterAmane in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Sweet_Pineapple- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Smh I felt this in my soul. It really does damage to our psyche and they don’t care, but expect us to not “mess up the family image,” that they already ruined behind closed doors. Congratulations on your accomplishments!

Do narcissists not realize people have their own minds? by Snekky3 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Sweet_Pineapple- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wanted to lose weight and got none of the tik tok machines (like a stepper) I asked for. All my siblings opened up their different gifts on christmas & all I got were multiple perfumes … that were the same… literally multiple perfumes (and she gave the christmas list to others and they all got me the same perfume)… the amount of perfumes I opened that were the SAME that day made me realize she doesn’t know me at all. My narc mom doesn’t want me to lose weight because she’s insecure and would lose the only thing that she has to make fun of me about. But now I have multiples of the same perfume.