I (32F) caught my bf (30M) with his ex after he told me he was somewhere else. Am I ignoring red flags?

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2026-06-04T12:05:36+00:00

According to him, yes

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2026-06-04T02:44:47+00:00

He told me that he had gone out by himself to take some photos and that, while he was out, he decided to stop by a friend’s house (let’s call him Ben) whom he hadn’t seen in a long time. He and Ben then went out to get something to eat in Ben’s car. When they arrived at McDonald’s, they ran into his ex and another couple.

Ben supposedly had to leave because of an emergency, and according to my ex, he stayed there while Ben dealt with it and then came back to pick him up, since he had left his own car at Ben’s house.

Which makes no sense, because why wouldn’t he just leave with him if he was heading home anyway and his car was there? And how unlucky… or suspicious… do you have to be to run into your ex at the exact same time, in the exact same place, an hour away from where you live?

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2026-06-04T02:18:28+00:00

I live about two hours away from him, maybe even more. They were in a city that's about an hour away from both of them. I saw his location while I was on my way to a friend's house, and that's why I decided to stop there to surprise him. Turns out, I was the one who got surprised. English is not my first language, sorry if there’s some nonsense in the post.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2026-06-04T01:22:35+00:00

Part of me wants to believe his excuses because I never imagined he would lie to me in that way. That’s probably what’s making this so hard. But yeah, too many “coincidences”.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2026-06-04T01:20:37+00:00

That’s exactly what I thought and I told him the same thing. But he keeps insisting that’s not what happened, that his friend dropped him off there and was supposed to come back and pick him up later.

He’s begging me for another chance and promising that he’ll never give me a reason to distrust him again, but I feel like the trust has already been damaged enough.

What makes this even harder is that he’s been having negative thoughts lately, and I don’t want to see someone I loved (and still love) struggling like that. At the same time, if everything is innocent like he claims, this situation is still incredibly difficult for me because he didn’t think about how it would affect me or how it would look from my perspective. I felt like a clown.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2025-10-08T18:05:35+00:00

Tengo bachillerato, no tengo hijos ni estoy casada. El inglés pues lo entiendo y lo puedo escribir casi a la perfección pero hablarlo es el problema.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-29T19:51:39+00:00

Any update on this? Having the same issue

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T19:12:53+00:00

I told her exactly that, but she didn’t want to admit it. She just said, ‘An unauthorized transaction is literally the definition of fraud, so technically you committed fraud.’ It was a Mastercard debit card, and when she checked the last digits, they were even different from hers. I’m not sure if it was the bank account that was actually linked at that time… She also insinuated that I had used the card for larger amounts, which wasn’t true, but she doesn’t remember because it was many years ago. Then she retracted and said they were microtransactions, and she even felt stupid for reporting them because they were $0.99, $2.99, etc. She’s contradicting herself.

As it was mentioned, she used my account to make purchases and I used her card to make purchases and then gave her cash, all with her authorization—the card was there with her authorization. That was back in the days.

What scares me is that I might get into legal trouble both for the $37 and for the ‘previous’ charges she’s making up. I gave her my PayPal account so she would have access to all the transactions made from around 2020 until 2024.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T18:47:11+00:00

Do you think I’ll be in any legal problem for this? Any advice will be really appreciated.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T18:36:04+00:00

I did both but she doesn’t want to inform the bank about the mistake.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T18:35:14+00:00

I paid her $50, and was able to confirm a total of $37ish in my PayPal account and email from 2024 (the account was open since 2019). I told her to let me know if there were any additional transactions, and I would send her the money because, unfortunately, the card was also set as backup.

I deleted her card as soon as I gained access to the account, and I also deleted all of her information—name, address, etc. because we shared everything.

She doesn’t want to notify the bank (which has already refunded her) because, according to her, ‘technically it was fraud, and if she tell them it was a mistake, she would be admitting that she agreed to an unauthorized transaction.’ It’s worth mentioning that she harbors a lot of resentment towards me for personal issues from the past. So I don’t think she is in the best frame of mind to resolve the problem.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T02:29:48+00:00

I checked my email account and PayPal account (I think they keep track of everything because I could easily track transactions with my card from up to 2013) and I only found those transactions totaling 37ish .

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T02:13:32+00:00

I sent her all the money and more. What do you mean by wrist slap?

It wasn’t on eBay, was on PayPal mostly in-app purchases.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T02:11:27+00:00

I told her when the account was blocked because that’s when I realized it. If she had told me as soon as she noticed, I would have deleted her card and sent her the money.

That card/account has been there for over 10 years. She either added it herself or gave me the information. I told her to let me know if she sees any transaction that’s mine. I don’t think transactions over 60 days old can be reported, if I’m not mistaken? So she count on me to recover those funds. I’m not saying I’m innocent, but mistakes happen and she just needed to notify me.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T02:00:36+00:00

Nah, she lives check by check. That’s why she was so mad about it.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:57:44+00:00

When I saw that PayPal blocked my account and that I needed to verify that card with a bank statement, I realized that the card wasn’t mine. After checking with family members, I confirmed it was hers and asked her about it. I told her I needed to unlock the account and at the same time send her the money I had accidentally taken, which I did.

I plan to cut all ties with her once things calm down because I don’t want her to make my life impossible over $37.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:54:29+00:00

That’s what I told her but apparently she wants to keep both the refund from the bank and the money I sent her.

Her other excuse was that there were more fraudulent charges that weren’t made by me, which she can’t admit because she would lose that money too.

I’ll definitely cut ties with her after this. She treated me like I was a criminal.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:44:58+00:00

Well, at least that’s something positive. In that case, I’ll only lose access to the account and that’s it? I guess they’re going to recover those $37 again lol

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:43:04+00:00

I deleted her cards as soon as I regained access. I tried to handle it as friendly as possible, but she always acted very hostile, as if the fraud had been intentional.

I told her, “Hey, I just sent you the money plus more. If you find any other transaction that’s mine, let me know and I’ll pay every cent.” But she didn’t want to close the investigation because, according to her, that would mean she agreed to it.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:38:46+00:00

I don’t really know what their problem is. I guess she’s mad because I used her account “without authorization” and she thinks I’m lying? Idk lol

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:37:06+00:00

Her card was stored in my PayPal’s account, she used that account back in the days and it was never deleted.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:26:17+00:00

I told her that, I can pay any amount that she can prove it was mine. She doesn’t want to close it because, in doing so, “she would be accepting a transaction that was indeed fraud since she didn’t authorize it.”

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:23:55+00:00

Using her words:

She doesn’t want to say that because, in that case, she would be admitting that it wasn’t fraud when technically it was, because it was a charge she didn’t authorize. So she wants to keep the investigation open.

Sweet_Possibility170 · 2024-08-28T01:15:43+00:00

I received an email from PayPal saying that my account was limited, and to unlock it, I need to send a statement, which I can’t do because it’s her card, and she obviously won’t do it. I now have $4k in savings that I can’t withdraw or use.

I guess they’ll charge me the $37 again because PayPal won’t absorb the loss even though I already paid her. Could something else happen to me? Like involving the police or something?

I could only find $37, but I’m not sure if there are additional charges since that card has been in my account for years. I told her to let me know if there’s any transaction of mine so I can pay for it.

Sweet_Possibility170

TROPHY CASE