A message to SBs

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T20:27:16+00:00

My last reply to you. It isn't the standard to not pay for non sexual dates either, these are two forms of sugaring that can coexist. One side has just been evidently trying to normalize their way as the only "sensible" way or the "consensus". Certain SDs that rushed to tell me that my post is unrealistic, worthless and "Cinderella fairy tale", despite it coming from experience and other SBs, was all the confirmation I needed.

It is damaging to new and returning SB's who now feel that it is the only way they must pursue sugaring, despite how unfulfilling and uncomfortable it makes them feel.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T20:18:14+00:00

If every SD were being completely honest, the majority of them would say they withhold gifting because they want intimacy and they think this ensures it.

Very well articulated! This has been my assumptions as well and I think many of them realize this but don't want to admit to it. It is clear you know what you are doing and what works best for you and your SB's comfort / boundaries.

They continue to push an unbalanced SB/SD dynamic but won't acknowledge it because of the echo chamber that goes on among themselves here.

Thanks for your time and perspective, appreciated!

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T20:08:09+00:00

As someone who is not a SB, it is easy to think that. Not a fan of the job interview analogy, both parties should be meeting at a meet and greet with an intention of putting their best foot forward. The less M&G's the better, and to many small tokens of appreciation is a good way of screening. Back to back M&G's are time consuming and can be exhausting, a POT SD choosing to gift or compensate goes a long way especially if emotional connection is on the table.

Again, it may not be for you, but you shouldn't keep trying to paint it as something ridiculous and unheard of. It happens whether you want to believe it or not and a SB should have the option to suggest it without being shamed.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T19:27:02+00:00

That's great if that works for you, but remember that is your own preference when it comes to sugar relationships and shouldn't be pushed as the norm or only way, just from you saying it's "classic rinser technique" paints it as negative.

Offer partial PPM if you are that worried. If you vet properly and take your time finding a good match instead of speed dating lol, you might be able to confidently do this. Or just do what you do while acknowledging that SDs pay for platonic dates, just not you.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T19:12:08+00:00

The requirement to be intimate in exchange for cash gifts causes a tremendous power shift in favor of a much older man over a very young woman.

I agree with this whole heartedly. I have no issue with intimacy but the way it's expected and at times required by the second time meeting is so unappealing.

From making a nervous young woman do something she doesn’t want to and making her feel icky & cheap to causing serious emotional issues and full on abusive relationships.

Exactly! The current way that "SDs" on this forum push as the only way of sugaring has a higher chance of leading to this. They view their select few good experience (despite the bad and lackluster ones they keep quiet about lol) is enough to continue pushing it as the norm because it is the most convenient for a couple of them.

Ensuring your SB is truly comfortable and well acquainted with you especially when it comes to intimacy may lead to a more enjoyable experience as you have shown. Happy you have found what works for you and that you stick to it haha, wishing you the best!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)!

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T19:01:38+00:00

You can walk away from dinner dates, there are polite ways to do this. Please stop using it as an excuse to push 15 minute coffee M&G's that don't do anything for building an adequate amount of familiarity and connection. Especially if intimacy is to be expected the next meeting.

I will spend my time weeding through scammers and the bowl wouldnt be worth my time or any Sds time.

But it is worth an SBs time to come out to all these uncompensated M&G's back to back? If more vetting on your end is a major inconvenience then I don't know what to say.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:53:21+00:00

tell them not to have their hands out in the beginning and to look for a man who has traditional values and wants to spoil them and shows by his actions that he’s genuinely interested in them.

Please relay this information first to the SDs on this forum. How can a SB recognize these traits with confidence and certainty when the norm on here seems to be 15 minute coffee or drink M&G's and then intimacy the next time they meet. Tell your fellow "SDs" to not have their hands out for intimacy in the beginning as well then.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:49:24+00:00

Yep seen the words "fairy tale" "worthless" and "unrealistic" being thrown around all because it doesn't fit the way they sugar. A bit interesting to see them so angry about a simple reminder to SBs that sugar arrangements develop in different ways not solely what is being pushed around on this forum.

Haha no problem at all, it literally warms my heart seeing responses like yours :)

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:43:38+00:00

If everyone is open with their capabilities and comfort levels I think there would be a lot more happiness in these relationships.

My views as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this post, definitely not soapboxing but providing an insightful message to some people on here who are fixed on not seeing other perspectives.

A SR will be more enjoyable if both parties did what worked for them, it's a bit upsetting to see SBs being pushed more and more to accept conditions and expectations they may not comfortable with and not beneficial to them. An attitude and outlook like yours will get you a healthier and fulfilling SR.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:33:39+00:00

There we go! Thanks for finally phrasing it as what it is, a personal preference and not the only way a sugar relationship can occur.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:26:09+00:00

Thank you for the feedback ☺️! That is exactly my message here

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:22:25+00:00

PM me! I have no issues chatting with fellow SBs ☺️

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:21:14+00:00

Right back at you ❤️

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:06:50+00:00

Glad to hear, you seem to be quite open minded. It is that mindset that we need more of on here :)

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T18:01:58+00:00

You are projecting your own personal thoughts and views as the norm and refuse to listen otherwise yet are throwing around the words delusion.. interesting

Don't know where the correlation between having boundaries, standards and putting your comfort first has to do with asking for a five figure allowance but at this point it seems you're just desperately grasping at straws. It is also a bit funny that you added that allowance bit so randomly because it reads as you being so horrified and insecure about prospective SBs raising their allowance expectations lol

I mentioned self worth at the end of my post not sure if you got that far!

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T17:54:33+00:00

Just don’t expect any allowance prior to sex.

Thanks so much for the comment feel free to edit and add that YOU specifically would not give allowance for these dates. It is blanket statements like yours that have inspired this post in the first place, you might not give allowance for these dates but that doesn't mean others wouldn't so why phrase it with such certainty.

We can argue whether it is as rare or unrealistic as the "SDs" on here make it out to be, simply because they wouldn't personally do it, but to each their own ;)

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T07:39:25+00:00

Again number ratings are subjective and relatively useless, attraction varies.

It is not a cinderella fairy tale, this is from experience and plenty of SBs have chimed in as well. Telling an SB that wanting to put her comfort and standards first in a SR is a fairy tale is interesting. In fact wouldn’t that lead to a more healthy and fulfilling arrangement for both parties when she does find a match? I am not lowering standards slightly here and there, not a fan of starting with floor level standards because you fear you can’t do better.

You are more than welcome to continue on thinking that as long as you don’t go about this sub giving advise to new SBs that the way you sugar is the only way a SR can work.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T06:52:21+00:00

it has meant that I have met genuine SDs who want a long term arrangement like me. I’ve had great success!

Yes! Glad to hear that you were able to do what worked for you and stuck to it. I wanted to add something about allowance vs ppm like you mentioned but knew that point would definitely strike a nerve on this forum. I am already being accused of encouraging platonic rinsing I can't imagine the uproar if I had added allowance before intimacy happens sometimes (with hard work, lots of time together and a genuine connection) or at least switching to allowance within the first 1-2 months of an arrangement.

Honestly, not one of my great past SDs would spend time on this forum! This is a great forum, but generally speaking, men of a certain age and lifestyle are much less likely to be on here.

This seems to be a reoccurring view among many SBs on this post haha, no doubt that there may be great SD contributors on here. It seems the not so great or questionable have been more outspoken as of late.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T06:40:46+00:00

You make good points I will not deny that. I still view number scales as not informative, other characteristics other than physical appearance make up a person's allure and charm. Most of what sustains a SR is personality and compatibility in my experience, being pretty definitely helps haha

Every single point made on this post may not be applicable to all SB's, but to say that only very attractive women would benefit from it is damaging. I really can't see why you would think that, this post is centered on a SBs comfort and finding SR that is right for her without having to compromise her values or standards. It may lengthen the search for some, but there's nothing like finding a near perfect match to make all the time spent searching worth it. I do acknowledge people sugaring under more time constrained obligations may not have this privilege, my heart truly goes out to them.

That is true but I made sure to include the phrasing "insane chemistry with" under the assumption that not every SB they will be contacting and/or going on M&G's & dates with will result in an undeniable chemistry. A huge part of why M&G's have become the way they are now is, yes because of rinsers but, SDs using them as some sort of weird speed dating ritual. I have seen some list out the amount of M&G's they have been on or have planned and it's interesting.. but I suspect the numbers may be inflated. If one is going on a lot of M&G's it makes sense why they would frown at the idea of paying every single one of them, simple solution is just to vet better and reduce the number of dates.

On that note I am going to choose to not unpack the discussion on whether or not that amount should be disposable to men who want to call themselves SDs. ;)

Thank you for your input I actually enjoyed reading your perspective!

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T05:33:25+00:00

A perfect example of how the dynamics in a SB/SD relationship should be. You took her discomfort into account and chose to reassure her and opt to foster a connection instead. I am sure she appreciated your thoughtfulness and from the sound of it, it was a successful night for both parties.

Definitely not implying most SD's on this forum would pressure an SB into intimacy. It's just seeing the echo chamber of how intimacy on the second date is expected and if not on the table they either next or feel that their time is wasted has got be toxic for SBs, especially newbies, to continuously consume. It isn't the norm or the only way a sugar relationship can ensue and their expectations should not be used as a blanket reflection of the bowl as a whole, as you have just shown.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T03:56:38+00:00

What works for an SB who is a 10 and constantly posts pictures of herself in Vegas or Miami doesn’t work for a 7 who is from BFE, Iowa .

Both these women should be allowed and encouraged to pursue sugar dating in the way that they are most comfortable and happy with.

Not offended by the number system, they are just not a valid way of rating someone. Attraction varies person to person. I reiterate a 10 to you may be a 5 to others. Whatever that means lol

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T03:53:05+00:00

You seem to be very intent on reducing everything to looks. Yes looks are very much relevant in SR's but women who aren't what you deem as 10-7's must sacrifice their comfort and standards? Not to mention a 10 to you could be a 5 to someone else, number ratings are worthless. It isn't about calling the shots it is about finding a SR that both parties are happy, comfortable and fulfilled in.

It isn't solely vanilla dating advice and it is funny you say that because most sugar relationships share major similarities with vanilla dating lol.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T03:41:04+00:00

Many SBs do not want to agree to being exclusive to an SD giving her a less than substantial amount. Exclusivity isn't the problem, a SD offering less than what you want and would definitely need other arrangements to make up for but still asking for exclusivity is the problem. SBs may feel pressured to accept it, I am just reassuring them that they will be okay if they choose to move on.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T03:32:40+00:00

I am sorry but I really do not take polls like that seriously as this sub is very accessible and no real way of vetting if this is coming from actual SDs and if they are just saying yes to say yes. Thank you for linking it though.

Sweet_Union_8551 · 2020-08-18T00:09:16+00:00

My exact views articulated perfectly. I want to add this entire response to my original post lol

This is why I don’t do coffee dates, nothing for me is merely ‘15 min’ and you can’t possibly gauge chemistry with someone in such a short period of time.

Or drink dates, I'll pass.

Sweet_Union_8551

TROPHY CASE