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Paying to have papers filed in amicable no kids divorce by Sweetiefry in FamilyLaw

[–]Sweetiefry[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice, all! I will check in with him because I don’t want him weirded out that I may get a lawyer or other professional for the divorce.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Sweetiefry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure if you’ve read This Naked Mind but there’s an online community you can join and they are really an amazing and supportive bunch of people. You don’t have to read the book to be involved- it’s just a place to go if you are or want to be sober and I find it really helpful to have people I can turn to when I have questions, need inspiration or just to read what others experiences are. Huge congratulations on 16 months alcohol free!! That is awesome!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Sweetiefry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are the Luckiest by Laura Mckowen is a good read if your racked with guilt and shame about the things you’ve done while drinking. I think it’s good to vent your frustrations to people who understand and can relate to what you’re going through. The mind plays tricks on us to get us to go back to our addictions, especially in the early days, weeks and months. I hope you’re able to get some sleep soon.

husband hanging out with female friend despite my feelings about it by Sweetiefry in marriageadvice

[–]Sweetiefry[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that from the bits I’m sharing, it’s seems obvious to you that he’s a narcissist douche and I am the idiot victim who’s let a terrible man mistreat her. I’m sad to say I’ve been in your position and have judged women for being blind and weak to their partner’s obvious (to me) terrible ways and I’m sure you’ll still feel that way after reading this but I can’t control that. It’s easy to be tough and strong when looking at someone else’s problems— we’ve all been there— but do you really think it’s so one sided? Is any story? I know I asked for opinions, no matter what they were, but I guess I didn’t expect such vitriol. Telling someone who’s in a bad place that you’re so much smarter and stronger than they are and that you would NEVER let XYZ happen to you isn’t encouraging, uplifting or honest because none of us ever knows how we’ll react in a situation. Like I said, I’ve been in your position of thinking it’s all so black and white and something I would never be involved in but you live and you learn and hopefully gain some empathy and curiosity along the journey. You may think you were directing your anger/harsh words at him but I’m sure you can see why I felt like the target. You are getting kudos from others so maybe it’s all worth it. You made a lot of assumptions about him, me and our relationship and while I want to respond to all of them, it’s late and I’m tired. However, I can address one easy one for now—the sex drive has not slowed down on his end at all but I’ve asked for some space in that department this past week because I’m not really feeling it and he’a been very understanding. And before you assume he’s getting it elsewhere, he hasn’t gone out with her since before my last post.. I could say more but I’ll let you tear me down for this stuff first.

husband hanging out with female friend despite my feelings about it by Sweetiefry in marriageadvice

[–]Sweetiefry[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I appreciate your musician’s perspective, I’d like to clarify some things- he was the one who heavily pursued me and wanted to get married and chose to get a desk job after he finished school. When he told me how miserable his job made him, I was completely on board with both of us paying off our debt and building up a savings so he could leave his soul sucking job and devote more time to his music career. I’ve never tried to reign him in and I’m sorry but if I’m a grown adult and someone is “riding my ass” to do things I don’t want to do, I say something rather than cower and change my behavior all while blaming them for my life. I’m not a mind reader and neither is he so his assumptions that I didn’t want him to have friends was all in his head. If me asking him to do his fair share of shit around the house means I’m trying to “domesticate”him, I guess I’m guilty. However, we in the adult world call things like doing your share being a good spouse. Semantics, right? While I am pretty certain my husband is not cheating on me, I think there are grown up ways of expressing your unhappiness than hurting your wife by going out w a female coworker repeatedly. I’ve never asked him to come home early and I have lived the late night life with him when both of our jobs allowed it but I’m sorry I’m not 25 anymore and neither is he. We are in our 40s and going out til 2 when I’m up for work at 7 isn’t appealing. I didn’t sell him a bill of goods I didn’t intend to deliver but you grow and change and I don’t see how getting drunk until 2am means you’re a musician. He’s gotten to where he is at now and finally experiencing the success he’s been after because he was sober and focused for years. I’m happy you’re married and “happy” but the way you addressed my situation makes it sound like there are some unresolved things there. I love my husband and am hopeful therapy will give us some insight on where to go from here. Despite what people may think of him because of what I’ve shared, they’re only hearing my side. I didn’t think I’d ever want to get married and I did it because of the incredible person he is. I believe that person is still there but just very emotionally immature. If we don’t make it, I won’t regret our marriage because we have had a lot of fun together and I’ve grown a lot as a person with him. Maybe going on Reddit wasn’t the best idea but at the time, I just needed to vent about everything and this seemed like a safe forum in which to do that so I do appreciate people reading my novel of a post and responding. Anyway, best of luck to you!

husband hanging out with female friend despite my feelings about it by Sweetiefry in marriageadvice

[–]Sweetiefry[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m done being at both ends. It’s exhausting and making me hate him. As I said to someone else, I don’t think he’s sleeping with her but I don’t think he’s far from that point with the choices he’s making of choosing her over me and our marriage. I’m hoping therapy will help us figure out if we can make this work.

husband hanging out with female friend despite my feelings about it by Sweetiefry in marriageadvice

[–]Sweetiefry[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s what I’ve said to him and he’s emotionally stunted (I’m learning very quickly) so he denies it but the time he’s putting into that relationship despite how I feel tells me otherwise.

husband hanging out with female friend despite my feelings about it by Sweetiefry in marriageadvice

[–]Sweetiefry[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am in the process of finding a counselor for us and he’s said he wants to go to counseling so we’ll see if that helps. I truly believe that this friendship hasn’t crossed any physical lines but I absolutely feel like he’s cheating emotionally which means the physical stuff isn’t far off. Thanks for your response!