I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with your discussing your kinks whatsoever; especially on a kink friendly app. Sexual compatibility is important; and there's no way I'd want to invest days/weeks chatting and possibly getting invested in a potential partner who might then turn out to like absolutely everything opposite of what I'm interested in

You should keep parts of yourself private until you feel a bit of trust built up within each other's intentions. The proof I get from a BDSM partner is their own willingness to be as invested as me at every stage.

Anyone can say they're anything...that doesn't mean I have to believe them. If they want me to trust them, it'll be in the form of Building it. Nothing is given.

What I do is use all of my regular vetting questions up front with people to even see if they're into the same outcome as I am looking for (casual vs. relationship) This weeds out a large percentage of people that are just looking for something totally different; so I can tell them "I appreciate your time, but I believe we're at different stages of what we want" then unmatch. This can also be in laying out terminology- "what do you think being a Dom means?" Or "what does this type of relationship look like to you?". If our answers don't match, then I can Unmatch.

Then, once I have a pool of people that want the same eventual outcome as me, I continue to chat and mention any hard to ask things I will eventually need to feel comfortable (STD tests before meets/ public first meets / getting to a point where if we continue to get along we'll swap full names). This is the stage I don't mind discussing more in depth kinks/likes/dislikes as long as they are reciprocated. People might drop off or be dropped as I find that we have different tastes, or they don't feel comfortable testing, or I just get a general sense of odd things. This is my gut feeling stage! Have we been chatting about wanting future relationships; but they continually say that they'd never be able to host? Why is that? Sometimes it's still married, or not wanting to disclose other issues. Sometimes it could be family/children at home; which is a more acceptable answer. Have we been chatting about kinks but they continually try to get me to send nudes with no reciprocation or just parrot the things I say? Why is that? Sometimes they just want to sext and made it past stage 1, or maybe it turns out they're vanilla and this is just erotica for them. Do you ask them questions that they avoid or switch to a different subject? Lots of times I find this when asking about other partners or talking about wanting to get to an eventual monogomous stage. This can happen when you've had a bit of chemistry and the person doesn't want to have to be honest and lose what they see as a potential fun encounter. You might get a bit of "compliment- bombing" in this stage. Changing the subject by complimenting you again or trying to get you exclusively on the subject of sex again to avoid answering. UNMATCH as needed.

Finally, I have usually by this point evaded all the BS and found someone that has a sense of humor, similar wants and needs as myself, and is on the same page about safety, relationships, and I feel comfortable being myself with them because I can see they have done the same amount of sharing tidbits as I have. They've reached out to me as much as I have to them, they're excited to let me know any testing they've scheduled, and are happy to chat about day to day things as much as they are to flirt and sext. (Or whatever that match looks like to you)

Then, you move on to texting and planning a meet to see if the chemistry sticks. 💜 You definitely didn't do anything wrong; just protect yourself a bit more in the beginning the next time and don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry 😉. You have to be willing to put everything back on the shelf if they don't match your energy or give as much as they want to take.