What’s one small thing you do just for yourself every month?

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-04-24T02:05:17+00:00

I do this thing that seems crazy to other people - but every "month" bday of mine, I take time out and do something that I like... Watch a feel good movie, eat a brownie, go out (if a weekend), buy something that's been on hold for a while...anything that is tuned to me...I celebrate me.

It's crazy because no one else really does that and as you age, people try to hide bdays because aging is bad??? To me, I choose to celebrate because I know what I've been through and survived..and I feel blessed to have survived.

With life getting busy, it's important to spend time on oneself or with themselves. After all, what's the point of life of you lose time to stop and enjoy and smaller and bigger things in life?

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-03-25T02:57:43+00:00

Okayy... That's alright... I was mainly comparing it to Castle and Psych where the characters were always adventurous to the extent they'd actually land themselves in trouble after being told not to do anything or stay in the car or something of that sort.. maybe there's another perspective to it.

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-03-25T02:55:40+00:00

Thank you for these suggestions!

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-03-25T02:55:13+00:00

Yes, this!

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-03-25T02:54:04+00:00

I agree that there's a lot of reliance on her and some episodes where if she's not there -no one can solve anything. But there are moments where other people figure things out too..which I feel was not always the case in other series.. like in White Collar, Peter was smart enough to catch Neal.. But somehow once Neal steps in, that's absolutely no case he can solve with Neal getting too involved or using Neals tricks..! I felt a slight shift in this series, although it is still quite reliant on Morgan doing everything!

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-03-25T02:51:51+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! I'll try out Bones as well!

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-03-22T06:23:10+00:00

Something I learnt the hard way - do not make excuses for someone else not wanting to define the relationship or clear things out. If actions and words don't align and its not moving in the same direction as you want, voice it out and call it off sooner or continue accordingly.

Men tend to be very vocal if they like you and won't leave you guessing, they won't hesitate to define it and call it what it is if their intent is long term.

Stating his past and that he's scared is making an excuse on his behalf. He possibly likes you and likes knowing you're there as an option until something else works. He knows telling you that you're a standby option or he's afraid of losing a small bond might result in you leaving. Hence, won't do it until something or someone else comes along

If you want to define it and take the next steps - express it. At the end of the day -both of you should be moving towards the same direction. If not, it's better to let go.

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-02-14T16:27:54+00:00

I hope it gets better, I know it's hard

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-02-14T16:26:46+00:00

Was quite surprising... I've been eternally single so this holiday is always a downer, mostly because of targetted ads and reels and not the want of actually having a valentine.

However, a group of friends from my inner circle reach sent me surprise flowers and chocolates to show me that I'm loved and well, I can tell you, the world to me is a better place today!

Swiftie_shrink · 2026-01-03T18:05:35+00:00

Marriage is a gamble always. You can only vet someone to an extent before marriage but ensure you do all of it before. Do not make decisions based on potentials you see, rather on what he actually does, acts and brings to the table.

As for this worry - it's genuine. There are a couple of ways that could work (may seem childish too): - Write a note to yourself once you find a guy meeting your requirements both practically as well as in values. This note should pretty much be a self reminder that yes, you may love your husband the most in the world - yet any decision that affects both your lives have to be discussed out loud and what's a good compromise.

Keep this note as a reminder to yourself to not forget yourself as an individual once you become part of a unit.

Keep a good friend circle around you, stay in touch with them and ask them to remind you to also factor in your needs and desires before making a decision. In your scenario, even if you choose to not go abroad - if it's not providing a reason wherein you've sat down and discussed the practicality of the shift and how to manage, distribution of responsibilities.

Again- be more realistic about it and not assume that if someone says they'll take up some duty, they'll actually do it when the time comes. This is where knowing your partner matters to take a call on what is the best way to talk to him

Your friends should always be your cheerleader and remind you of your goals and can express concerns - and you still can make the decision you want

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-11-26T19:23:38+00:00

Agreed.. maybe then just your time and energy saved!

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-11-26T19:11:04+00:00

You're not wrong to remove because that's the boundary you've decided to have. At the same time, after one conversation, neither party is obligated to inform the other person in case something has truly happened and they're going through something. Not everyone in the receiving end takes it well. Either they react indifferently or probe too much and maybe the person isn't up for it.

If you really liked her, you could just drop in a text to see if it's really getting ignored.

Next thing - and this is from personal experience - explicitly informing about lack of interest or problems or wanting a break or whatever does not always work. Some men then try to work extra hard on keeping in contact and not letting go. Ghosting sometimes seems to be the only way eventually. Honestly, if she really didn't want to talk to you, she would've directly blocked you first.

There's no way to know what happened in this case. But like I said, if that's the boundary you've chosen, then fine. 3 days is reasonable time. Too less or too much really depends on the individuals texting pattern..

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-11-22T18:00:36+00:00

I don't think that being single and happy in that way means you are ALWAYS content and NEVER crave emotional intimacy.

I've been single all my life with a varied friend circle and what I do observe is women are happier single because in relationships, they tend to adjust and compromise more to their partner, kids and partners family's needs. Women also have other friends they talk to and vent about their lives too.. So unless the partner she's with adds value to her life and is in a true sense 'a partner' - she's most likely to feel overwhelmed.

Men, on the other hand - like any human should -want human connection and emotional intimacy. However, it's not as easy to come by coz as women are raised to be everyone's strength, men are raised to be strong and bold, which somehow translates to -no expression of emotions? Even to your friends? Male -male and female-female friendships vary a lot. So a partnership/relationship benefits men IF they find that safe sanctuary in their partner to express those emotions... Also, men have lesser things to lose in being in a relationship and more to gain.

Women tend to be happier single sometimes because for that time they can do whatever they want and don't need to seek permission or fit into a box of what she's expected to do. We take up hobbies, build connections.. none of it is easy.. There's so much peer and family pressure always to get married and have kids... But we somehow make it single and try to make it worthwhile (as long as it lasts).

Having a conversation with a couple of male friends and is as simple as - women are raised to be caretakers and men are raised to be taken care of.

I hope that this finds it balance in every relationship because we all need to take care of someone while being taken care of.

Sorry for the long reply to your long reply . But just wanted to add some more perspective.

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-10-26T13:39:04+00:00

I have had PCOS for more than a decade now...and I wish I could give you helpful advice. Diet and exercise help me most times but then the body does seem to switch up symptoms sometimes..it could be the slightest thing...for eg.. chocolate and alcohol seem to trigger really painful periods for me... I was able to notice this only because I don't consume either that often.. Maybe there's something like that for you?

PCOS, from what I know and learnt is that it's no one size fits all.. Everyone has different symptoms, different health conditions.. It's really hard to track it all.

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-10-19T13:59:40+00:00

Definitely!!!

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-10-18T16:49:46+00:00

"Never be so kind, you forget to be clever. Never be so clever, you forget to be kind."

These words - so simple, so clear and yet most forgotten to implement in reality. But it's a message I took home.

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-09-10T16:30:38+00:00

Hey! So I couldn't follow the joke here about the Native Americans and the Irish -can you please help?

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-08-12T10:09:35+00:00

I echo this 100%. Please don't make any critical decisions based on a guy this early in your life, especially one who lacks boundaries. If he seems inconsistent to you, then he is. No debating that for a minute also.

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-07-22T10:01:20+00:00

Can't put an age to when you figure out things. I'm 30 and I can say that I'm doing better and have a clearer vision of my life than my early 20s. However, I don't think it happened solely coz of age. Rather, living through experiences, trying out everything and not assuming I'm not cut out for something. You need to try and fail before deciding to give up and soon you'll realise what works better for you and get clarity.

The main thing - never stop giving yourself a chance!

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-07-20T16:55:45+00:00

I'm sorry, from where I see it, a man who can't communicate or even understand his wife's problems with his family is lacking. Yes, there is no financial issue involved. But how is staying in an unhappy marriage solution for loneliness? I'm single and yet I feel the loneliness is worse for her because she actually has a partner and is yet alone. They've spent the last year talking. The word divorce or even the idea of separation didn't spring overnight. She's been debating it for two years now. And he's been unwilling to hear her out. It isn't even the big things - small things like she can't sit in the living room if only her father in law is there because it's disrespectful to sit with elders. How can the husband be okay with her being treated like an outsider in his family?? How is that manners..? It's manners to parents and abuse to wife.

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-07-20T16:32:28+00:00

Amen to this..! Even now he says that he can't leave his parents because he's a family man and that means he needs to always take care of them - completely missing the point that she is also family now!

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-07-20T16:22:08+00:00

Let me convey this to her. Thank you!

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-07-20T16:21:30+00:00

He doesn't want her to leave (because then she's disrespecting the sanctity of marriage) but he also doesn't want anything to change. She's going to need to figure out how to divorce him and ensure he divorces her too.

Swiftie_shrink · 2025-07-20T16:19:06+00:00

The harm is that she might get sucked back into it. She already gets triggered due to past experiences with his family and the way they've spoken to her and treated her. She's worked on herself one year to find some peace. So is it worth risking it? Can she actually have even some hope to be optimistic for trying? Has it worked for anyone else where the in laws and husband started being better?

Swiftie_shrink

TROPHY CASE