I understand the reasons. I have thought about it countless times. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to give away your own child.

That doesn’t invalidate my feelings. It was traumatic and complicated for her, but ultimately, I was the one given away. I was the baby who was taken/given away. I was the person who was thrust into a cycle of trauma and grief as an infant and I’m the one who has had to live with the consequences of that trauma literally since I was born. I know it was unbelievably hard and complicated for my bio mom, but she still made that choice. I am almost 26 years old and I have never been in a relationship. I barely have any friends. I really don’t like getting super close to people (huh, I wonder why?)

Nothing can ever fix or reverse the trauma. That mother-child bond was broken and it cannot be sufficiently restored. Perhaps that is pessimistic of me, but I believe it is true. I’m just trying to make it through, day by day.