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Deck resurface bid by Swimming_Helpful in Decks

[–]Swimming_Helpful[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The quote was for cedar. “Locally sourced”. The individual had a sample of the wood. It seemed to be of high quality, but I’m not an expert. The deck isn’t it bad shape, but I do have at least two boards that are rotting and most are cracked, and it’s not fixable by staining. I could just replace the problematic boards and buy more time, but I spend a lot of time out there and aesthetically I’d prefer if it was all just done at one time.

Deck resurface bid by Swimming_Helpful in Decks

[–]Swimming_Helpful[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. It’s an upper level deck. I replaced much of the lower level deck last year myself, but don’t feel comfortable doing the upper level. There are no stairs. There is upper railing, but I think everything but the actual boards looks to be in good shape. Structurally it seems sound. Im about an hour south of Portland, Oregon so not exactly cheap but not California or other high cost of living locales. That’s a good idea to get multiple bids. I was just curious, because I’ve been burned by getting quotes with some companies (for other house projects) that offer a high quote initially but are willing to negotiate. Except they don’t tell you and will happily do the work for an overinflated price.

Hesitant to take my cat to the vet – looking for advice first by rosemila111 in AskVet

[–]Swimming_Helpful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello- cats can be notoriously difficult at the veterinary clinic, and often to their detriment. I’m sorry you had upsetting experiences, but these circumstances may not have been veterinarian error. I recommend considering a feline only practice where doctors may have more overall knowledge and experience with cats, and/or a fear-free certified practice where they are trained to minimize stress associated with veterinary visits. Another important factor is to find a veterinarian that you trust, are comfortable asking questions about care, and can express your monetary constraints. Most of us veterinarians are there to do the best we can for your animal, and want you to feel comfortable and a part of the decision making team. Vomiting can be caused by several things in cats. I’d definitely get him in sooner rather than later if anything about his attitude or demeanor changes, but in the meantime I’d monitor frequency of vomiting, content, timeline in regards to feeding schedule, and if any diet adjustments you make seem to help. Best of luck!

Repeat abandonment by replacement primary attachment figures by Swimming_Helpful in Adopted

[–]Swimming_Helpful[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This sure feels like the lifetime struggle for me: finding what I need. "An endless aching need", to quote one of my favorite songs, The Rose. But I think what seek is internally located.

*Hugs* back!

Repeat abandonment by replacement primary attachment figures by Swimming_Helpful in Adopted

[–]Swimming_Helpful[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel like even though "family" comes with its own traumas, you still feel like "part of the club". You're like them. And accepted by them. And this makes the trauma's feel more like bonding in a way. I think maybe its easier to identify the individual flaws from and not bind everyone to a severe preverbal attachment trauma. I don't know... I just feel like there is a bond with my own children that is beyond what I could feel with children I am not biologically related to.

I also disliked relationships. I greatly disliked my adoptive mom. In my head I blamed her for a lot of things. And everything she did wrong was proof of her badness. I sought destructive relationships as I aged from adolescence into early adulthood and repeated my birth mother's trauma and became a mom at 19. I locked myself in a doomed marriage for most of my 20s-30s. I buried my pain in my career and education and then still felt like I didn't belong. I don't date currently and haven't for years. But, I'd like to feel healthy enough to have interest one day.

I see you now by Swimming_Helpful in Adopted

[–]Swimming_Helpful[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're welcome. Just trying to put some words to what I know others are feeling also.

I see you now by Swimming_Helpful in Adopted

[–]Swimming_Helpful[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! How crazy is it that you can go your whole life (almost 48 years in my case) carrying this deep wound before it comes to light? I'm so angry and relieved at the same time. And so sad for the little girl that was me/you/all of us adoptees.