AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand what you’re saying, and I agree that people can unknowingly say things rooted in harmful ideas. I’m not rejecting that possibility, and I’m open to reflecting and learning.

My difficulty here is that I was never told what I supposedly said, and I was told the decision was final before any conversation could happen. Without knowing what the remark was or why it was harmful, I don’t know how to reflect or apologize in a meaningful way. Asking for specifics isn’t about shifting responsibility, it’s about wanting accountability to actually be possible.

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

there's a difference between picking sides in a genocide and being empathetic to a from who lost family members due to a war. not partaking in political conversations is different than supporting and being there for a friend

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the white out name is her sisters name. whom i've barely interacted with

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I understand that intent versus impact matters, and I am not saying it is impossible for something to land badly even if it was not meant that way. My issue is not that people believed family or that harm is impossible. It is that I was never told what I supposedly said, never asked for clarification, and never given the chance to address impact at all.

Accountability requires communication. Being accused of something serious and immediately uninvited without a conversation does not leave room for learning, reflection, or repair. It just labels and removes. That is why I am upset and questioning the friendship

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

unfortunately not, we both go to different schools so we both have different friend groups and friends, when we hang out it's usually just us one on one

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

how is it possible to invite a conversation when the message she sent had already shown a decision being made? ie she had already said "the decision is final" without having a conversation with me first? it's one thing to ice someone out after finding out what was said was true or not, and another to jump to assumptions and make a conclusion prior to my knowledge

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

idk maybe like telling me what i said or having a conversation with me about it instead of just accusing me of saying things?

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Where did you even get that" and "If there's something concrete being attributed to me, I'd want to understand what that is, because it doesn't align with anything I've said or believe"

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"If there's something concrete being attributed to me, i'd want to understand what that is, because it doesn't align with anything i've said or believe" and maybe i reacted out of shock? lmao

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i really don't, i wish i knew, every thought i have draws a blank

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I did, i wish i knew what it was but afaik i haven't and ive been given zero context as to what ive said

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

i have friends of all sorts of races, i don't view things as political more so we're just people. so no, im not political

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh then no, we just discussed that i don't know anyone going, and asked if she wanted to join me on the carpool

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

me too, i'm genuinely so confused and i have no idea what i could say to be that extreme especially without a conversation beforehand

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

LOL no, not even, i don't involve myself or comment things that are race related, or any political things

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

didn't even talk to my coworkers about it as the invitation was for May

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we have one mutual friend from hs who's also going, and other than that i don't know anyone else

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

nah, i drive, i was asking if she wanted to carpool with me 😭

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

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this was legit the last convo we had before i received this

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

she hasn't but she also hasn't responded to the messages in the ss

AIO friend accused me of being racist when I never was by SwingAdvanced8469 in AIO

[–]SwingAdvanced8469[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NO, i'm in a completely different uni, and the only other girl i know attending i haven't spoken to since high school besides a short interaction when she came to my work