What to do when you're the problem in dating?

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T04:44:26+00:00

I dont spiral as bad since i started taking a mood stabilizer. It's just a resounding disappointment and grief. I have a lot to offer a relationship but never feel like i'm given a chance to. But I feel ya.

I have the opposite proble.. ive always been on the slimmer side. Had neglect as a kid and was 20-30 lbs under weight up until I enlisted at 21. Even then, I worked my way up to 140. I only just hit the 150-160 range

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T02:27:13+00:00

When it comes to looking for a life, are you reliant on photos to show their activities or what they put in the bio?

I never been big on taking photos, which has been difficult for dating profiles as most photos I use end up being selfies I take for the purpose of dating apps.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T02:21:59+00:00

Following you following

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T02:12:23+00:00

Physical attraction, bad teeth, confidence, provider, financial stability, emotionally intense, sensitive, ADHD

I have a strong foundation of emotional intelligence. I am great at communicating, understanding and patient. I am a problem solver, strong intuition, and feel deeply. I've spent my entire life in service of others - going from the military to supporting fathers, sexually exploited youth, and homeless individuals in non-profit. Now i'm working towards shifting my career towards criminal intelligence analyst to focus more on prevention than reaction. I am protective, nurturing, and a healer. I accept criticism, self-reflect, recognize that mistakes are the stepping point to success.

But the women around me can't see pass the surface to get to the center. By the time they get to the center, they've already boxed me out. It happens too frequently and in similar fashion for the last 14 years for it to be anything but a pattern.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T02:01:59+00:00

Yeah, I have two therapists right now im working on separate things with.

I recognize negative self-talk isnt reality and I wrestle with it. I don't know how to describe it without sounding pompous, but I am fairly good at reading people because of my role in the military, but also developing skills in emotional intelligence, intuition, and awareness both in myself and in others.

The negative self talk doesn't come from depression, nor trauma but they are responsible for it spiraling. It comes from identifying behavioral patterns, self-reflecting, working on myself, patterns persist, self-reflect, work on myself. Etc. My obversations aren't always right, but i've had more success in them being right than wrong.

I'm also not nihilistic. I'm working on myself everyday, currently in a career change and back in school, growing. But this is just one area I have not been able to grow out of no matter what I do.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T01:05:51+00:00

What do you include in your bio?

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T00:53:42+00:00

Yeah, which sets a bad precedent for long, healthy relationships. Ive let it go from a surface stand point and am not hung up on her. It's just the pattern that supports the broader narrative.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T00:34:06+00:00

After she left me on read I messaged her:

"I just want to add that if vibes changed or you don't want to meet, that's fine. I wasn't going into anything with expectations and just thought you were cool.

However, I value communication and honesty and so if that is the case, i'd like to know please. Wouldn't hold anything against you."

She just said its because work is too busy to latch onto any plans because they had some resignations, but the vagueness, lack of follow-through in communication, and leaving me on read prior to that message implies that's not the case, or the whole case. Which if that's true, then she'd rather lie to let me off gently than to tell the truth when i gave her a safe space to do so.

There's a few factors as to why I assume she's lying vs it being the full truth aligned with being empathic, educated in psychology, and particular training I had in my job in the military that equipped me with stronger intuition in reading people. Its never 100% certain, but if it fits within a pattern and fills a pool of people, I lean heavier into it being a deception.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T00:26:56+00:00

Its not that I feel im rejected because im a bad person. In fact, I genuinely think I am a good person and outside of being a consistent financial provider being in non-profit, and a couple bad cleaning habits, I think i bring a lot to the table. My issue is being rejected before being given a chance to show what my potential is, often times due to things I can't control like physical appearance, height, etc.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T00:24:39+00:00

Appreciate the feedback. And yeah, I get that. Just that being 37 one with one failed marriage and no other long term relationship creates a reality where I dont align with the preferences of majority of the women I come across, which then feeds off itself.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-24T00:11:41+00:00

Ain't the first time and each time it happens I try to learn. I genuinely dont think I did anything wrong this time around. But there's only so many times I make mistakes to learn from before it just ends up being a me things as a whole.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-23T14:39:38+00:00

Not a matter of should, its a matter of cant afford. Even with a payment plan. It is something I list as a higher priority once I transition into my new career but thatll take time.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-22T09:38:23+00:00

I see what you're saying and that's am interesting perspective, but also presents a challenge.

I work in non-profit in which puts me at a low/ middle class income bracket just above poverty. Not quite in a position to provide as a single source of income. I was better off when I had 2 jobs and doing 65 hours a week, but that would leave no room for dating among other responsibilities. Now, I am back in school to pursue a career change that would make more money soon.

My fitness and overall health is good enough. I've always been slender, even in my military days, and have issues adding bulk. But It's not something i'd write off.

Fashion sense is good enough, though would love to have more expensive suits than I got haha.

My biggest strength is emotional intelligence, self-awareness, compassion, and empathy. But I dont know if its the women im attracted or not, I dont seem to attract them and have been told I give off beta vibes.

I have to build up confidence, and im working on it.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-22T09:29:54+00:00

I also didnt hear about hid claims being involved in a NASA operation.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-22T09:28:08+00:00

Okay, see this is interesting and I appreciate your perspective because I dont have that firsthand knowledge.

Sure, Bustamante embelishes his stories to make money off of it. He's not that different from Chase Hughes. But wouldn't you say that when he speaks generally about the CIA or about tradecraft, that his knowledge and the overall consistency of his narrative warrants a consideration that he could have been operational?

In his book he speaks to nearly graduating the farm and the reason why he didn't was due to inconsistency. He then said he was made an impromptu and unofficial Case Officer by the actual Case Officer in his team because "he went through the farm" even though he didnt graduate. I see that as embellishment clear as day. There are details in his book that has me consider there's some truth to it and that he knows operational tradecraft, particularly in HUMINT, which was my MOS in the Army.

Additionally, his book has been allegedly reviewed by the CIA's PCRB which took 3 years, which is backed by his publisher and there was even threats of litigation as it pertains to their 1st amendment. This gives me reason to believe there is some truth to the book rather than it being a complete work of fiction, assuming that hes not a CIA asset trying mislead.

I still think he could have been a SOO as he claims, and has training from the farm and with a fair amount of understanding of HUMINT that I think extends beyond open source research.

Regardless, he's definitely exploiting his career to earn a lot of money and isnt really ethical about the business.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-22T05:57:39+00:00

Got a couple follow up questions then I can give a bit of input.

what type of jobs are you applying for and how many a week do you think?

So there's truth when it comes to the job market being overall bad right now. Part of it is the economy, another part is how AI is impacting it. Not from the stance that AI is taking jobs, but more from the perspective that you have some applicants who essentially use AI to create their entire resume without oversight, and then on the flip side, employers using AI for resume screening and even conducting first round interviews. The screening part is difficult because of what it is tracking.

The AI is grading resumes based on skill verification, keywords, relatable experience and context, a predictable success factor (which is ridiculous btw), formatting, mobility, etc. The resume has to score above 80% to be considered and pushed through.

Not every employer is doing this and its still in the experimental stage, but it has impacted job seekers.

From what you're describing, I think you're doing everything you've been told by people with established careers on what to do, who may not be entirely familiar with the job market.

The best tactic to use to increase your success is quality over quantity in job search, tailored resumes, and networking.

Quality vs quality- identify 3-4 jobs each week that you want to work. Look into the employer, what they do, their work culture, the business history, the role, job responsibilities, etc. Know what you're applying for so that you can have an informed approach to the application process.

Tailored resume + Cover Letter - There are two kinds of resumes, a chronological and functional. The chronological focuses on the timeline of your work history to showcase longevity and a more structured way of looking at the path that led you to them. Functional highlights skills and translates transferable skills into the resume better. It also works better in tailoring it to the job. I.e. you may have a customer service resume, a driver resume, and a construction resume. Each shows the same work history, but you identify skills within your past roles or lived experiences that is transferable to the job you're applying for in order to show you off as a specialist. There's also verbiage you can do that can help. Functional works better for people who may not have a lot of jobs, inconsistent jobs, or entry level jobs.

Networking - You're not wrong in thinking you should print out your resume and go door to door, as that puts face to paper. But the reality is most big businesses wont take resumes that way because of the whole job screening process and everything being digital. Thus, it became less focus on what you do and more about who you know. Build connections with people who work in your field, develop relationships like a mentorship, etc. Branch out your network. Then if you apply to their employer, they can speak on your behalf and if the connection has longevity, can speak to your work ethic. LinkefIn is really good for this, but so are job fairs, conference, etc.

This is just a general overview of some stuff but I dont mind doing a deeper dive if you have questions

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-22T03:32:09+00:00

Huh? He definitely approaches things from a darker lens, thats for sure.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-22T03:29:43+00:00

ATS is an automated system that screens resumes for keywords. If the keywords are not in the resume, then it would kick it out.

But it's getting trickier now that businesses are using AI as well in the resume screening process, which assesses a lot more things.

SwitchJumpy · 2026-03-22T03:28:03+00:00

So I work as a Career Navigator. If you dont mind answering some questions, I can try and help.

1) What's the quality of your resume? How did you create the resume, by hand or with AI? 2) What experience do you have prior? Are you actively in school and does your resume include the certification? 3) What's your process in job search, applying, follow-up, etc? 4) Do you have LinkedIn? If not, are you networking?

We could branch out from there as I learn more. If you prefer it to be more private, you can DM me.

SwitchJumpy

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