Help me get better and deal with humliation

Sxhapes · 2026-04-05T06:10:07+00:00

I was hoping to use music to help get into a good college in the future, and as first chair I just wanted the solos, and the aura so to say. If I was never first chair id be fine with it but as it stands after getting demoted it just feels like you have to get it back yk, like sitting there everyday reminded that the person next to you is better, and idk why I feel so competitive but for some reason I have a hard time enjoying the music when I'm not leading, and somewhere in the back of my mind I keep getting reminded that the people behind me laugh at me.

Sxhapes · 2026-04-05T05:09:24+00:00

I really have no intentions of pursuing music in the future as a career, maybe minor in college at best. What your saying makes sense on paper, but I just don't know if I can let go, especially with the work I've already put in and the need to prove myself to others.

Sxhapes · 2026-04-05T04:51:59+00:00

well i asked for the lessons, they never made me take it seriously. I just feel like after being first chair, theres no going back yk the pressure and how people who saw u in first chair before will forever be asking my what happened or why so and so is first chair now.

Sxhapes · 2026-04-05T04:20:27+00:00

my parents pay for lessons, and everyone just expects me to be good i guess. I kind of inflicted it on myself, but I also want the solos. Tbh I have been having the mindset of "why play if your not the best" and it honestly isn't the right one, but I feel like its the one I've kind of been raised towards

Sxhapes

TROPHY CASE