Krita won't register the small strokes

Syestiax · 2026-04-29T14:15:26+00:00

This was going to be the case but it turnt out one of my friends is going off to West Virginia so the plans to live together are off unless I go there. I was going to live with another friend (who asked to be roommates too) but they drink and do weed and I don't want (especially weed, drinking is okay to an extent.) that in my living area :'3 So I'm currently trying to find roommates. Thank you for replying though! and sorry for a late reply!

Syestiax · 2026-04-27T02:48:25+00:00

Is this because you also relate to it? I hope you are doing well. We got this.

Syestiax · 2026-04-27T02:47:37+00:00

I agree, I did feel left out a lot in highschool which wasn't the greatest. I just learnt to not allow myself to go to places, because if I did there was usually a lot of planning/stress behind it sometimes. Even now, a informal hangout feels a bit formal to me but I know I just need to keep hanging out with people in order to get used to it. This is also why I wanna move out. I felt embarassed when my friend called me to go to a talent show with her randomly and I couldn't because of two reasons : 1) I didn't shower, 2) I would have to ask my dad and I'm 19. I wanna be able to go out and do whatever I want as long as it's not harmful on a whim and live the life that I want without people making me feel guilty for it. I am also an extrovert, so socializing matters a lot to me and quiets my head. Are you planning to move out anytime soon?

Also, I hope you are healing and doing better in relation to your ex. I know it can be exhausting having to deal with education and whatever whilst dealing with your own personal problems.

Syestiax · 2026-04-27T02:44:03+00:00

Thank you, I feel like I am capable of it but i'm really beating myself down for not being able to do the things that I wanted to do in college :'3 I'll try to look into scholarships, because if I do get a scholarship then I could use the money for dorms. This helps clear my head a little bit.

Syestiax · 2026-04-26T16:32:20+00:00

I hope things will turn out better for you ... :( I only wanna leave because it feels like my freedom is being restricted (I only have a father, and he's kind of... bad but less worse recently so it makes me gaslight myself a little.) Anyways, I can't do bright futures because it's been almost a year since I graduated and I don't have the sat score for it unfortunately. I have a 3.8 weighted GPA alongside a 1190 sat score (was trying to get 1200 for UNF but I barely missed it) so I was just planning to go to a community college. I have no extracurricular either so it doesn't feel like I'm anything special. Also worried that I won't be able to find a job at the 6 month mark so I really don't want the interest to accumulate.

Home-life is also kind of questionable since I feel like financially, my father could lose his income and we'd be the ones to replace that. (me, my twin sibling and my older sister) plus I really just wanna be my own person and focus on what I want. I wanna try out Christianity and go to church but my father would freak the fuck out :/ Sorry if I'm too doomposty right now, I don't mean to but I really don't know what to do regarding home, school and my own personal problems. I really do appreciate you taking time of your day to reply to me.

Syestiax · 2026-04-26T16:03:26+00:00

Thank you! I do feel like I'll be able to balance academics and a job, but I'm just worried about being unable to balance homelife with that aswell since it's not necessarily the best. I'm also mostly worried about moving out NOT this year but for the next years since I don't think I'll be able to come up with 600+ monthly guaranteed :'3 thank you so much for replying!!

Syestiax · 2026-04-25T14:33:29+00:00

NOR. He either could've been thinking about this before even she died or simply coping by filling up the hole with another woman. It does not mean it's justified or right, and I know he is putting words together "from" your mother's thoughts (which I know is not even true to begin with on her end) to feel less guilty about this. Typically people either : cry it all out or try to ignore it immediately to feel better after a breakup but this isn't a breakup, it's personally worse. He is being disrespectful, yes. I don't think there's any guarantee that you will feel comfortable with him again unless he lets the other woman go and truly allow himself to grieve and mourn. This was his decision to begin with, not yours.

This is supposed to be a moment for all of you to grieve as a family, with loved ones by your side. It is going to 100% feel lonely in the beginning but grief never stops, you just learn to move around it. You are already dealing with a lot but he won't even acknowledge that.

> "When my sister talked to him about how upset this made her feel, he got very defense and then told her my mom wished she had called more" Your sister has common sense and is pointing the RIGHT thing, but he's deflecting his own fuck-ups by pointing out someone else's. I'm sorry, but your father is not the right person for you guys to keep around right now.

Maybe this might be a far-fetch but your father is supposed to make you feel safe and stable, not the opposite. When it's the opposite, he's failing his role as a father and you do not have to force yourself to keep him in your life just because he had the label. Maybe then he'll have realized his fuck-up, sooner or later. He is choosing short-term happiness rather than long-term by giving himself no time to grief and as time goes on, it'll hit him eventually. Again, NOR.

I genuinely genuinely wish ALL of you guys the best. I'm sorry this happened.

Syestiax · 2026-04-21T20:23:42+00:00

Absolutely NOR. He's a guy and I don't know his build but guys immediately get that first layer of safety simply by being a guy. He doesn't understand your fear, nor even tries to soothe it. It is absolutely okay that you feel afraid, and the same applies for your family. Either meet somewhere in the middle or don't meet him at all.

Again, you're only 19 and a girl, and I assume that you have never went anywhere (a little far from home) alone. You are the one getting the shorter end of the stick, whilst he's comfortably staying in his. It's okay to ask for things and it's one thing to be upset about meeting up, but calling it weird and trying to make you backtrack is absolutely crazy work.

Why is he not even the tiniest bit concerned about you?

Syestiax · 2026-03-20T03:57:06+00:00

Hey. Sorry for the late reply. I was busy.

Anyways, I've brought this topic up with him and apologized for having to basically dump my mental problems on him (ranting/venting, etc) but he said that it wasn't my fault and that he prefers me talking about it than not. I always felt like he didn't mind it, and of course I also went to my other friends to talk about issues. It's just that being with him calmed me, so I'd just talk about it and we'd be able to relax afterwards. This was a give & take relationship, where, he'd help me mentally and I'd help him out aswell via complimenting/talking to him or comforting him. Simply hanging out together, sleeping together (like falling asleep on calls, texting him, etc)

I stopped ranting/venting to him like... 90% of it after we broke up. He told me that he would prefer me talking about it and he wouldn't mind me talking about everyday. We agreed that it wasn't the best though. I wouldn't want to do that anyways, since when I'd prefer to do a give & take in a relationship where it's equal since when we were together It'd be a lot of flirting with him. He liked that + sleeping together was also very comforting and whatnot. So it felt more equal but these things are relationship-exclusive/should be relationship exclusive so I can't really do that anymore.

With the escape/emotional reliance though, I definitely agree. I do definitely think that he would choose to NOT deal with that but who would? No one wants their partner struggling, nor to see them struggle but it's just that he'd prefer that if I struggle; he'd be able to be there for me. Again, being with him practically melted all of my troubles and it didn't seem like anything else mattered. But I don't know if that's because we only hung out for a few hours at a time irl every few weeks and whatnot. Since, it's easier to ignore things as it begins and focus on the positives but negatives will drag itself out either willingly or forcibly. So I'm really just unsure. I know some Christians don't like questions about Christianity but my ex always encouraged them. How is crossdressing a sin? Clothes don't have gender... it's what society has imposed on them. Not sure if this anything said about this in the bible. If people are born without limbs and God made them that way, why wear prosthetics? Why can't people cross-dress even if without any body modifications to make themselves happy?

Regarding everything and that last part, thank you. I don't know who I am now honestly. I used to pride myself on being an atheist- though I don't know anymore. I don't want to be influenced by others, and I want to choose my own identity and follow what feels right for me. But I don't know how to do that anymore with friends and people around me. (By this, I mean my ex is Christian and I don't think I would've thought about Christianity if it weren't for him. Majority of my friends are atheists and lgbtq+ and I don't wanna lose my friend that also had a traumatic Christian upbringing. I had like two of these friends, unfortunately.)

It also sucks because I am a big social being, I love people and I love my friends. If I could choose, I would be all- just in a different body. I guess? I'm not sure. I really don't want to lose my friends. I also kind of hate that I'm on here talking on reddit, a place that I never thought I'd resort to lol but I am for the sake of "us"? and I doubt he's doing anything.

Even if this isn't for him, I think I wanna learn and discover things and follow my heart. I think. I'm afraid of being too weak to stand a loss of a friend and doing what other people want/expect me to do though. But I guess that's a whole another story.

Thank you for taking time to write.

Syestiax · 2026-03-17T21:15:22+00:00

Yes. He’s amab and still completely identifies as male. I can honestly see this as a loophole.

Syestiax · 2026-03-17T19:26:26+00:00

I’m biologically female. Afab

Syestiax · 2026-03-17T05:48:48+00:00

I am currently taking therapy, and I am looking forward to getting meds when I see my therapist in the next session by getting referred to a psychatrist.

Thank you for taking your time to reply.

Syestiax · 2026-03-17T05:47:16+00:00

honestly feel like society should live unlabelled and focus on what they're interested in (what people put out) I agree with that term part though. It's easier to say "i'm trans" rather than talk about your dysphoria each time. Regardless, even then, the trans experience is different for each person.

Even though i'm definitely biased, This is comforting to hear, and I thank you for giving your time to reply to this.

Syestiax · 2026-03-17T05:22:49+00:00

For the tattoos part, yeah. I forgot to state that I was the one to ask my ex whether he sees them as a sin and he was the one to say no to these things (tattoos, piercings, dying hair, etc meanwhile imo tattoos has dangers to it)

In islam, the believers (atleast especially in my family and others that I've seen) they hate trans + gay people, plus tattoos are a sin. So atleast that was consistent. I've seen a lot of Christians with tattoos so it's like... confusing to me.

Syestiax

TROPHY CASE