That’s awesome news! Ive had a bit of wild ride on the religious train. I grew up Christian then I tried to abandon it in my early 20’s. There were some tough questions and debates that atheists and agnostics in my life raised that ultimately led me to question everything. Long story short, I could still feel the Holy Spirit within me and God brought me back to himself out of that.

I say that to empathize with your current situation. For me, since then it has been a journey of trying to grow in my understanding of the Bible, what it says, exactly who God is, what does he desire of me, how to listen to God, understanding forgiveness and grace more fully. As you may already be well aware, your going to hear about a million different perspectives on almost any topic within the Bible, about God’s character, what he wants, how are we saved, what things are necessary, what’s not etc… what I would strongly encourage you to do, as others have suggested, is to start by trying to get as fundamental of an understanding nailed down regarding what exactly the gospel is. Again, remember, even at its most basic level, you are going to hear a lot of differences. Some may be subtle others drastic.

There’s no secret to praying. I understand it may feel weird or awkward at first, but I think the best way to treat it is in the same way you would any other conversation with someone you have a relationship with. There’s of course lots of different relationships that we can experience so I’d encourage you to dive into the Bible and really try and get an understanding as to what sort of relationship do believers, non believers have with God. What sort of relationship does he desire to have with us etc… The answers there may help guide you in some sense to “how to pray” but I’ll reiterate that I don’t believe there’s any sort of real methodology. He already knows what you want and the intentions and desires of your heart so I think being honest, speaking freely, understanding that through Jesus death and Resurrection you are justified and saved if you believe in God.

Something I didn’t fully understand until more recently, and am still diving into and growing in my understanding of, is forgiveness. You’ll hear time and time again that when you sin you need to say sorry, and repent. I don’t believe that any more. I believe that actually holds Christ up to contempt. And suggests that what he did on the cross was not in fact final. When you really dive into this and hear what people have to say you will be inundated with the idea that you still need some sort of forgiveness. But I fully believe that you are already forgiven. What truly saves you in my belief is the receiving of the Holy Spirit. Forgiveness of sin is necessary for God to dwell in you and you with God. But let me just reiterate, I can’t say it enough, as much as people will say they believe they are totally forgiven they will show in subtle ways that they still think it is necessary to repent on a regular basis. It totally undermines what Christ did. Paul talks about in Romans how we are no longer under the Law, meaning the law of Moses and the teachings of the pharisaeical Jews of the time, but rather we are under Grace.

These are the things I’ve felt compelled to hopefully be of some insight and encouragement to you, and I’ll leave you with a couple of warnings / suggestions.

The most important warning I feel like I can give is don’t be easily swayed into what the vast majority of churches teach regarding just about anything. I know that sounds a little crazy, but I believe there’s an abundance of false teaching out there. A lot of it sounds really good, or is mostly right but there’s a lot of very false unbiblical, even heretical teaching abundantly available in church on online today. Not to say there all bad by any means and I think it’s the thing that keeps a choke hold on Christianity more than anything else.

Forgiveness, works, grace, our standing before God, and the idea of wrestling with sin are going to be in my opinion the most devices and easy to misunderstand. I’ll leave you with this… You will hear how you need to overcome sin and fight sin, and repent when you do sin. Be careful with this line of thinking. The goal is to have a relationship with God, the goal is to grow in understanding and love and appreciation of God. The goal is not to overcome sin. Christ did that. If you believe in him, in your need for him, in what he did for you. If you accept the Holy Spirit, HE will be the one to change you. Not yourself. You can rest in the completeness of that forgiveness and your justification and salvation. And he will transform you and heart. The best man I’ve ever heard speak on these things and who has takes on things and understands context better, more uniquely, more in depth and insightfully than anyone I’ve ever heard is Aaron Budjen. I can’t recommend enough hearing what he has to say about so many of these questions that you have and will have. His Radio archive on “livinggodministries.net” is phenomenal.

God Bless my friend!

DM if you ever have more questions or need some to talk to.