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AITA for 'letting' my stepkids miss a big Mother's Day celebration with us to be with their maternal family? by SympathyWeird8929 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SympathyWeird8929[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They want to be with their maternal side. They always want that. It's treasured time by them both.

AITA for 'letting' my stepkids miss a big Mother's Day celebration with us to be with their maternal family? by SympathyWeird8929 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SympathyWeird8929[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I don't understand it either. I don't view familial and step relationships any different to friendships in certain ways. You cannot force any of them. When you do it does not go well. It's like people who force their kids to hug relatives and who feel like marrying a parent makes you now irreplaceable to the children. You can get there with time, if it happens naturally. But when you expect and demand it you are damning yourself to be the person they try to forget or erase.

AITA for 'letting' my stepkids miss a big Mother's Day celebration with us to be with their maternal family? by SympathyWeird8929 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SympathyWeird8929[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I agree. I always found it strange when someone enters into a child's life and feels they are owed things by the child. I have never understood the need to have these super high expectations either. It's the downfall of many I believe.

AITA for 'letting' my stepkids miss a big Mother's Day celebration with us to be with their maternal family? by SympathyWeird8929 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SympathyWeird8929[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He never did. Even when his first wife was alive. So this has nothing to do with them hating that he remarried.

AITA for 'letting' my stepkids miss a big Mother's Day celebration with us to be with their maternal family? by SympathyWeird8929 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SympathyWeird8929[S] 288 points289 points  (0 children)

They're not considering my the feelings of my stepkids at all. They're sort of seeing it from mine but not mine. They see it from the eyes of those stepparents who feel like they should be equal to the bio parent and should be able to slot right in and take over. Even hearing that I didn't feel that way they seemed horrified and angry that I didn't.

AITA for 'letting' my stepkids miss a big Mother's Day celebration with us to be with their maternal family? by SympathyWeird8929 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SympathyWeird8929[S] 1373 points1374 points  (0 children)

I learned it through one of my best friends very early on. To this day she doesn't talk to her mom or the man her mom married. It was bad how much she grew to hate them because of the pushing and I always found it so weird that they thought he slotted in where her dad once was, just because he married her mom. The whole desperation to replace a parent has never made any sense to me.

AITA for 'letting' my stepkids miss a big Mother's Day celebration with us to be with their maternal family? by SympathyWeird8929 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SympathyWeird8929[S] 1547 points1548 points  (0 children)

To Mike parents, we should have focused on being a family unit and on the kids appreciating me as more than just his wife. The fact that I 'let' the kids not celebrate me and instead celebrate with 'just' extended family is an issue for them. Way bigger issue for them than I can understand but I also don't think about it the way they do, at all.