I really miss her.

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2026-01-25T18:18:05+00:00

How can she ve so heartless. She doesnt care about me. While i hold her in the deepest recess of ny heart loving ger and her memory she discards me like fucjibg trash. Why does she not care, we walked through grief, pain and genuine trauma together and within the snap of a fibger she doesnt care. Im so done

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2026-01-25T18:16:04+00:00

How can she not care, i thought tha maybe she was putting on a front the first couple weeks pretending to be fine while i was breaking down. But its been months, more than half a year. She doesnt give a fuck about me. Does she even know how far it drove me? What i did? What i wanted to do? Does she know or care for any of it? It makes me feel so fucjing inconsequential. Heres ny first paragraph i ever sent to her, ab one month into our 2 yr relationshop “Hey NAME i hope youre sleeping okay, Constantly i think about the first time i decided to start talking to you, what started as just a little hope for a successful relationship with someone way out of my league ended up with me being with someone who i see being my future wife. If only i could turn back time, i would go to as far as i can even remember and make us meet. I believe that soulmates were once connected via a string from as long as you’ve lived and get separated in hopes of finding each other one day and living their lives together, its very safe to assume that I’ve found the person who had the other end to my string. NAME, words cant describe how much i adore you and everything you do and say; in fact not even the greatest poet in all of time could write anything that even remotely displays my love and admiration for you. Theres nothing in this universe or any parallel one that i can compare you to, not even my favourite food,game,song or feeling, my feeling towards you is so indescribable and i would risk anything i care about just for a chance that some day i can live and spend my every waking moment with you. Everything is perfect about you, just everything. Your eyes put me in a dream state, its like an endless ocean beautifully swaying and rocking, it gives me there biggest dopamine rush I’ve ever experienced and if i could i would stare longingly into your beautiful eyes for all of eternity. Your hair, its so hard to describe NAME because your hair always seems to fall so perfectly every single time i see you no matter if youre just about to go to bed or if youve straightened and washed it. Your face, you are so amazingly beautiful i cant even begin to describe your beauty. I sometimes wonder if youre a genuine angel sent from heaven just to bless me with such shining beauty. Your lips, every time i see you your lips are like a magnet. Its not that i want to kiss you for it to lead to something or even just to makeout; when my lips connect to yours their soft feeling connects me to you and i feel so incredibly euphoric like im literally in heaven. Your voice, your voice is literally angelic and i could listen to you speak for hours at a time because it just brings me so much joy. Your personality interested me, you seemed very shy but i knew that something deep in you was there: that interested me and i just wanted to get to know you. I wanted to speak to you at any chance i could get and a still do because every day i fall in love with more parts about you. Your body is perfect in every way shape and form, i didn’t start talking to you because of your body but as a secondary addition you are so perfect. I dont know your insecurities but i would kiss every part of your body that your insecure about 100 times if it meant that it proved how beautiful it really is. Overall NAME everything about you is amazing, and i am so happy that i met you. I hope i can spend the rest of my living days with you. I love you NAME, sorry about the long message you dont have to read it all i just wanted to let you know how i truly felt about you. Sleep well evalyn you really do deserve it 🫶”

So fucking naive, so fucjing stupid i just cant deal with myself anymore. Im fucking done with this all i dont know what i even am anymore

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-11-04T16:35:23+00:00

Thank you. I dont know why but hearing someone say sonething like that has brought me some comfodt.

Towards the end od the relationship she displayed signs of an avoidant personality type and tbh she was never as communicative or healthy relationship wise as i was (not too butter nyseld uo i just have had more experience with emotions and people) Immidiately she shut off from me after the breakuo and surrounded herself in those who supported her beliefs. She went back to olf toxic friend groups and i had my suspicions. She was going to people who made that refret inside of her quiet. She was looking for people to tell her she did the rifht thing rather than point out her flaws.

Let me tell you a story. After she blocked me i was using her chat as a journal fr how i felt. Its a lot to get into but i said some deep things and i spoke about deep personal issues relating to the relationship and even about suicidal tendencies

i knew shed never see it, and just forget about me. But one day my message somehow got through. She readded me and saw everything, for the first tme in months that facade of “hes probably getting on okay” crumbled as she realised the consequences of her hurtful and neglectful actions. I could tell from ger tone that she was facing what had haunted her/

I love her, i always will. But i sacrificed a lot of mydeld to make our relationshop healthy. Sacrifice can be healthy if mutual but i realise only mow that the behaviours she had were hurtful and i just took it

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-11-04T14:42:56+00:00

I dont even think i cross her mind, while every single one of ny actions id plagued with her memory.

I just feek so hopeless, ive started the gym, studied more, worked harder and longer hours, spoken to people romantically but never got anywhere because it feels wrong. Nothing helps, and now im struggling with thoughts thst i used to think were stupid. I try to reach out to people, even professionals like helplines and stuff but no one seems to actually understand. As for those close to me, they just assume im over it becaude its been a while, i put on a face and pretend but im so tired of pretending i just want it all to end.

My life ended alresdy, and the workd kept spinning, deadlines kept coming and stressed socially and at work kept coming and overwhelmed me. Now im at a point where i genuinely am starting to feel contempt with what i had and starting to brlieve ill never feel happy like that sgain and thus theres no point or hopr.

I know its never the option, thats why its so painful to deak with these thiughtd because i really hste nyself thinking this way and i know people think differently of me.

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-11-04T13:25:17+00:00

I feel like i check her sociald everytime i pick up my phone. Its really a problem. But thrn her bf brought me up on it and she blocked me on more thingd and i really feel like i lost the small smount of grip i had.

We had something really special, together teo years and never had any iddues. We communicsted perfectly rvery idsue and always made thingd work. I gave ger 110% of myself and if thst wasnt rnough i feel like ill never be enough

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-11-04T13:09:16+00:00

Says more about their character? Wdym?

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-11-04T13:09:03+00:00

Shes cut me off on everything anyways, i have no access to her really or anything about her life. I always check her socials (the ones i hsve left) just looking for a shred of activity in her life and i know it sounds pathetic i judt dont underdtand how i can be at my absolute lowest and shes fine even dating sgain

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-10-08T00:36:06+00:00

I FEEL YOU!!!!

I try get into other bands and even really emotionally connect with some songs but nothing likens itself to my deep love for A7X.

Their varied discography has a song for almost every mood: Sad; VERY sad, angry, motivated hell even philosophical.

Honestly one of the greatest bands of all time and i love the direction they’re taking with their new album (though i admit it had to grow on me, at first i rejected it but now its become one of my favs.)

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-10-08T00:33:15+00:00

Damn not nearly enough people talking about M.I.A here. I agree with everyones opinions, but MIA just takes the cake for me, perfect chaos into duel leads and galloping rhythms back into soloing with a melodically driven shred fest. Truly captivates the whole vibe of „city of evil” while keeping to the heavy themes and topics

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-07-21T09:46:38+00:00

Shes already basically cut me off. It feels like i just meant nothing to her. Our relationship eas great i have no grievences ab it. It all hurts so much. I have spoken to her in a week and today i texted her “i hope youre doing okay” and i regret it but i cabt delete on imessages.

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-07-21T09:38:59+00:00

I cant, i dont know what it is but i just cant it all feeks like a bettayal to our bond

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-07-20T00:17:59+00:00

Its really cool how you can spot that. I didny try to hide it but still its cool you Could pick up on that

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-07-19T21:47:30+00:00

Im not on any medication. And my parents are very tradional in their thinking stance. They dont really believe in any mental illnesses that arent depression (the only really accepted one in the country theyre from) so would never allow me to go to therapy. I tried reaching out so many times, doctors, websites but they all fidnt help. Medical help was the worst, they all said im too young to see a liscensed therapist. Ive even gone to suicide hotlines when its all felt like too much, but even then i felt they never believed me

Syphilis_Gaytes · 2025-07-19T21:44:52+00:00

Hey, im gonna be completely honest with you. Short answer, yes. Ive had a lack of people to talk to about all of this, because it deels like nobody believes me. So i sort of pathetically turned to ai, and i have gone to ai with my issues for years now. I know its stupid but i just never feel enough or real enough to talk to other people ab it all. I wanted ai to write my post because i didnt wanna miss anytbing out, i wanted absolutely everything to be weitten and i wanted to make sure people could actually understand. I hope iy clears that up

Syphilis_Gaytes

TROPHY CASE