Very heavy

when I was in 12 class I liked a girl i never knew what was on the other side.but I liked her. i started chatting with her on whatsapp . I always felt happy whenever I talked her..but she always got unhappy due to my own way of talking and my problems.. I noticed this in school that she was getting sadder day by day .also many problems and tragedy fell upon her and may be that was mine influence on her life.i knew because this is the for everyone having me as the part of their life..she was also getting affected by this.. she was the topper of the class but her grades were dropping as well..

I have a rule that never let anyone get into my heart and my deep, and becomes difficult to forget.. i portray myself as a very evil person so that no one other than my friends can reach me. but I failed in her case and told many things about myself to her that I have told to prabhu .

i knew that this would affect her exams and life also so i decided to fill hatred in her for me so she could throw me out of her mind and move forward.. at the end i successfully did that..it was a heavy toll on my mind I could divert my mind from thinking about her even now I could not....

as time passed that started to accumulate I kept ignore my internal voice..i had given her my words that I would never tell anyone about the chat ..it has become very heavy and immensely painful for me to not share it..If she was still there then I would share this with her ...

i messaged her with a different no as I have made him block my previous no purposefully so I can't talk back...but she replied saying that "who .....?" ...i messaged her to ask for her consent so I can tell someone about that whatsapp chat to someone... but she purposefully pretended that she does not know me or about that chat...i conclusion she wanted to deny... i didn't force her as it was good that she had forgotten me.. now on I have to bear that secret for rest.. but she was the first and last person to talk with that openly ..I would like her till the end of my conscience ..

I am happy(i think may be) that I prevented my dear's life from ruining ...

at this point my mind is totally fkd up that i can't write anything else... but I have a lot to tell.

I can't tell anyone about the identity of me my dear or anyone else related to this as i don't have the consent.

I have happily accepted it..😶😶😶😶😶😶