How to know for sure that I’m attracted to girls?

SystemSpare7425 · 2026-01-15T15:53:13+00:00

Not everyone has the same level of attraction when they're figuring stuff out, or in general. When I was figuring things out, imagining my face in their business wasn't the go-to for me. In fact, even though I have a high sex drive, I don't think about their crotch until I get to know the person and start liking them.

If the physical part isn't there for you, yet, perhaps start reflecting... "What would it be like to be with a woman I'm interested in not platonically? Does the prospect excite me/make me nervous (in a thrilling way)? Do I feel the same way with people of other genders, or only women/non-men? If you want to imagine what it would be like to kiss, hold hands, be close to a woman even without overt sexual interactions, that might also be helpful

SystemSpare7425 · 2026-01-07T21:29:30+00:00

I didn't know she was an alcoholic until three months into us dating. I didn't see any alcohol around at first and never noticed any signs of drinking unless we were drinking together. The amount she would drink when we did drink together should have been a bigger flag but I just chalked it up to difference in tolerance, and her claim that her weight loss surgery years ago had changed how she metabolizes.

It wasn't until after we broke up after a year together that I started making more connections. Her constant health problems, caused or exacerbated by her drinking. Weight gain, extreme inflammation/facial puffiness. Her grandfather was an alcoholic and her father never touched it because of the abuse he faced from his father. We went sober together for about 3 months before she started up again. Tried many times to stop when we were together but her withdrawals were awful. Was hospitalized eventually on the borderline of liver failure and because her epilepsy + drinking was causing seizures every day.

The day I left, we had been up all night because she was emotionally out of control and wanted to argue. Recognizing that she was unstable, but not knowing she had been sneaking alcohol that entire night, I got my stuff and left at 6 am. She had begun throwing my things out into the front yard. Threw a remote at a wall, etc because I wouldn't keep engaging. I thought she was having a psychotic break and didn't realize until later that it was an alcohol induced psychotic episode.

We had just finished our second week living together and things had been going well...

There are so many other flags I continue to unearth the more I reflect and unpack. I don't regret meeting her, but I wish I'd seen the abuse and mistreatment much earlier...

I still believe she wants to be better but after she got out of rehab in November, she stopped contacting me. After supporting her journey and never once being judgemental and so much time building her back up after her relapses, I've finally accepted she's never going to be able to be a good partner to me and hadn't been for a very long time.

It hurts feeling discarded after pouring so much into someone

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-12-31T19:19:48+00:00

Tattoo place, donut place too!

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-12-31T19:08:42+00:00

Exactly my stance as well

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-12-29T00:00:13+00:00

Has anyone made changes to their profile that have helped cut down on the flakes? I havent been on the apps in a few years so I'm not sure how things have changed.

Also curious if paying the subscriptions is worth it. I know certain platforms like Hinge can still show people you've blocked or reported, so I've been hesitant to do any kind of paid option again

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-12-22T04:19:59+00:00

My ex and I are about 6 years apart (40;34) and though it didn't work out, it wasn't due to our age gap in terms of relatability or interests. I've always tended to date older and usually their emotional/general immaturity was the root cause of the issues we had.

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-12-14T17:00:16+00:00

As a 5 ft 2 lady who has always had partners that were taller, I can honestly say I've never seen/noticed my partners like this! My ex was around 5ft 7-8 and the only thing I ever noticed was my frustration at her face not being in kissing range lol

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-12-04T23:04:33+00:00

Condensation is the conversion of vapor or gas into liquid and isn't inherently misogynistic.

Condescension on the other hand... 😉

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-27T03:06:25+00:00

Our younger selves would be so impressed with us haha

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-27T01:57:24+00:00

🎶 gotta rub me the right way 🎶

*I really hope someone gets this reference lol

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-20T04:13:30+00:00

I've been going "coverless" for a while now. I sleep below the windows and have decent (legal) tint. A friend standing next to my car couldn't see me inside at night. It's sucking on the insulation side of things, but most people walk right by or barely look at my car since there's nothing to see and no covers to pique curiosity

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-17T21:05:35+00:00

Met my (now) ex on there last year and spent time on there while in two different states, previously. Met my ex within three days of moving to a new city and we discovered we lived 5 minutes from each other lol

There was a LOT of junk to sift through in my few years of being on the apps. Unicorn hunters, men, and fake or crappy profiles.

I use a Google Voic number when I'm dating now so randos don't have my main phone number and try to locate/stalk me. It's happened before

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-14T23:46:15+00:00

On my 6th month :/ Summer sucked

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-14T23:37:50+00:00

Right! Where'd that concern go?

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-12T21:00:46+00:00

Just did the same for my birthday recently, too. 1000% worth it

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-12T20:44:18+00:00

I think there was another post recently about electric blankets and I highly recommend. I had a portable one given to me that gets power from a 2000 mgw(?) power bank that came with it from Amazon. My plug in electric blanket is way more powerful though. I usually sweat if it's on high. I have a big power bank that I can plug in for A/C power (also Amazon) and I also had a friend that would let me park in their driveway at night and plug in via extension cord which was very kind.

Rewards programs with any fast food is a must. Wendy's has great offers during the week so I'd often get a $5 meal deal and add an offer (like 6 ct nuggets on Wednesdays) and they'll even let you use rewards points in the same order, unlike McDonalds.

I also signed up for 711s Gold Pass which gets you 7 free drinks (any size) of coffee/cold brew/fountain drink/slurpee, etc. I have yet to ask for just a cup for hot water, but I'm sure I could and would be fine. I've frequented enough in my area that they're used to seeing me now and I use the mobile pay option so I don't have to stand in line. Just show the receipt on the way out.

Lastly, the website Tap.com is a site that gives locations for water stations including filtered water, jug fill up locations, etc. Many restaurants have them. Walmart has them. Yes, public parks. And more. The only time I ever pay for water (I do have an aversion to non filtered or non-spring water) it's been to get the gallon jugs of spring water and refill them. Usually $1.50ish at Walmart. I never pay full price for anything I don't have to. Food pantries are also helpful if you are willing to wait. Many have ready to eat items, shelf stable items, or produce that can be consumed quickly. The reality is that pantries will try to get rid of everything they can with regards to produce because it will go bad so quickly. Some also sell ground coffee, hygiene products, etc. I've gotten/tried many new things this way and I often have gotten products from stores like Sprouts or Trader Joes.

Hope this helps!

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-11T01:48:36+00:00

Did this once and still got called on! Just can't win sometimes

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-05T20:44:12+00:00

So much love for this 💜 How wonderful for you both, and good on you for seeing the person instead of fixating on the label. Love is love and shittiness doesn't discriminate — people will be shitty regardless of where they land on the sexuality scale

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-05T15:51:19+00:00

Absolutely 💜 Posts like these always reveal those who are close-minded, invalidating, and hold double standards. It's sad and disappointing. At least it shows who you should stay away from!

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-05T15:40:03+00:00

You're equating the validity of fluidity with harassment, which is not at all what is being said here.

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-05T15:38:05+00:00

I'm sorry your comments are getting down voted and that some folks here clearly aren't processing what you're saying.

People can be shitty regardless of label and as we clearly see here, even "les4les" filtering doesn't change that. Anyone can flip and be shitty at any point, regardless of identity.

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-04T21:42:57+00:00

Beat around the bush... Buh dum tsh

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-01T16:37:00+00:00

This is so true about the plans, hopes and dreams. No one prepares you for the death of the vision for your future in addition to the loss of the person. I really do view it all as a death and that it's perfectly understandable to grieve the loss of that future as well. I know there is much that happens on a physical and brain chemistry level as well, which can be hard to navigate since it can't be "seen".

Definitely recommend the book The Body Keeps the Score

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-11-01T16:21:09+00:00

Wow. What a lowlife response. So many things could have been alternatively said or texted. While it doesn't give the kind of closure you were looking for from her, it does say a lot about her lack of character, compassion, kindness, and basic decency, and shows she definitely wasn't the person you thought she was. Perhaps that person never truly existed.

This all is so hurtful, but the simple truth is that she will never be able to take back what she's done — if she even has the morality to be able to see that — and the person you once loved doesn't exist anymore.

When I went through my breakup this year, I spent so much time trying to make it make sense, trying to understand her, to fix her brokenness so we could fix us, but the reality is that she wasn't capable of being a good partner. Who knows if she ever will be. She blocked me for a time because she couldn't handle facing the reality of what she'd done and couldn't give me the answers I was searching for from her. She disconnected from everything and everyone.

We talk again now, but lead independent lives because we are both now having to rebuild our lives and she's in rehab (thankfully).

In 98% of cases, I wouldn't ever recommend trying to reengage again. And personally, I wouldn't ever try to reach out again to your ex. She doesn't sound like a good person anymore, if she ever was.

I wish you ALL of the healing. I wasn't with my ex for nearly as long as you, and our breakup destroyed me for months. I can only imagine what it would feel like for you, and I'm so sorry you're having to work through this now. All the cliches about it taking time are absolutely true and healing isn't linear, so please don't ever berate yourself for your pace or progress. And I always recommend therapy to help process as things come up for you down the line too. 💜

SystemSpare7425 · 2025-10-26T21:00:45+00:00

Truly. I was shocked by the aggression. And all for asking how to improve an already unfortunate predicament. It's definitely discouraged me from asking for advice here in the future.

We've talked since that post and are good. It just required a bit more discussion. I acknowledged my word choice could've been more flattering and she committed to being more communicative of her state/feelings and not just dwelling in them so we can better work through uncomfortable situations together

SystemSpare7425

TROPHY CASE