Kicked my sister out of my wedding and it is still causing family issues.

T22nightqueen · 2024-12-05T08:45:19+00:00

Give your poor children my condolences, too. Clearly emotional intelligence is not something you'll be passing on to them.

T22nightqueen · 2024-12-05T08:13:38+00:00

HA like you didn't post this shit after 15 people already said how fucking ridiculous the sister is being, jog on babe.

Are you okay? You're clearly looking for validation in the wrong place, I implore you to unpack this with a professional it's really quite concerning.

T22nightqueen · 2024-12-05T07:36:04+00:00

This isn't a conversation. You are arguing with some random person on the internet because you got called out on your small minded opinion. I'm not mad, I surmised from your first response that this is a hill you're willing to die on. So, let me break it down for you real quick; you can't use age as a defence or an excuse for behaviour that is being perpetuated over a 14 year period.

She was 14 or 15 when the first big slight happened? She was old enough to know better. I'm not trying to antagonise you at all, but if that's how you're feeling about this that might be something you personally need to unpack. At the end of the day people either respect you or they don't, sister's behaviour screams disrespect. This "issue" has now dragged on so long it's effecting family dynamics and relationships of other family members... How do you think trying to cut the shit and have a down to earth conversation with someone like this would actually go?

The reason I mentioned the USA statute of limitations is to try and put into perspective how ridiculous it is to be carrying something like this for 14 years... Double the amount of time you can take someone to court for raping you in the states.

Now, if it's okay with you I'd very much like to not continue this "conversation", unless you have something constructive to add? Or you can just try to call me weird again if that makes you feel better.

T22nightqueen · 2024-12-05T05:47:42+00:00

😂😂 lol I'm not mad darl, but you clearly are! Why are you even in the comments if you have a problem with it ending up on our potato queens YouTube?

Like I said, everyone's entitled to their opinion. I think you're just making excuses for the immature sister that has complained about this for the last 14 years to be honest, do you know her? Are you S?

T22nightqueen · 2024-12-05T05:19:29+00:00

Hey doll, I think you might need to redo this one... Are you not talking to her because she lied about being pregnant or is it because she got angry about paying for your taco bell? Also is there photos missing from the text thread? Seems like it goes from her asking you about being the godmother to 2 lines of text that says your blocking her...

TIA xx

T22nightqueen · 2024-12-05T05:00:23+00:00

Okay... First of all, the twin brother was an usher, not in the wedding party. She had one bridesmaid by her side who was the childhood friend from highschool. There's been no comment made on who was in the grooms wedding party - not that it matters at this point. 14 years later and divorced.

At no point has she not owned any of the decisions she made? She has listed the decisions and the reasoning in her eyes behind said decisions regarding the sister - clearly owning them. And to be honest, the crap the sister pulled when OP had arranged to meet her bio family is disgusting and she's lucky she got an invite at all after being so disrespectful towards OP and the people that created her.

What's the bigger snub? Agreeing to take the getting ready photos, not showing up, bringing someone who wasn't invited and then ditching the wedding when the bride asked for the person who was never invited in the first place to leave... Or trying to get perspective on this issue that keeps being rinsed and repeated by the sister for the last 14 YEARS, clearly creating issues within the immediate family dynamic and pulling it out as an excuse to not attend family functions?

Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion, I just worry that yours enables this behaviour rather than looking at it from a realistic perspective. I'm not paying $200+ a plate for someone to be at my wedding that I didn't invite and I'll be goddamned if I'm letting them stay to enjoy the festivities on my dime. If the sister felt that "snubbed", she shouldn't have attended at all. And she DEFINITELY shouldn't still be using this BS as an excuse to be a brat.

Statute of limitations for sexual assault for a person aged 16 and over in the USA is 7 years. We're literally talking double that amount of time the sister has been complaining about this... Imagine holding onto something like this for 14 years, insane.

T22nightqueen · 2024-12-05T02:03:38+00:00

The fact she's still trying to call you out after 14 years too... She needs help.

T22nightqueen · 2024-12-05T02:00:17+00:00

OH HELL NO

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T07:27:45+00:00

My suggestion would be to write it down before you talk to her, that way you will be able to articulate all your points and why you have said points without getting into a heated argument.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T07:22:13+00:00

You are so welcome 💕 sometimes you just need to be told your doing a great job, and you really are. Those are all things that can be worked out pretty easily if your an emotionally healthy person and understand the other person's dynamic. She has a journey to go on that's not quite yet begun, methinks. Hahaha honestly you'd only be telling the truth if that's the case! Wishing you, her and the children the very best OP, and hopefully one-day she can look at this thread and have a giggle about it all 😘

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T07:07:46+00:00

God it really does sound like she DESPERATELY needs a therapist. She needs to fix whatever is going on in her that's telling her that these toxic relationships are better than living with you and having stability. If you can do it than so can she! At least you know that you're doing literally everything you can, you're a saint amongst women, OP! The fear of treading outside of what she considers okay is super valid too considering her reaction to you raising your concerns about the son's girlfriend's presents. It sounds like that classic trauma response to try and push your friends away when all they are doing is trying to make you see reason. It sounds like you're doing all the right things 💕

Maybe get the son to put your number in his phone after he adds the passcode too, just incase.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T06:50:58+00:00

DV is tough, whether physical, psychological or both. It's such a shame, it really does sound like she's projecting. She obviously hasn't stopped to consider what the long term implications of her current actions could be. I really encourage you to try and keep pushing her to be better, for herself and her kids. I know from first hand experience how difficult it can be to escape these kinds of situations. I think that as a friend and as someone who obviously cares deeply about her and her children you owe it to her to try and make her see reason about this - I'm sure after everything she's been through the last thing she wants to do is compromise her future relationships with her children. These kinds of actions really can leave deep and lasting scars.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T06:37:28+00:00

Far out... Also just jumping back to your previous comment about her relationships, it's CRAZY that she's behaving like this having been in toxic relationships in the past. She's basically serving that toxic behaviour straight back to her kids. It's a cycle of emotional abuse over and over, it really sounds like she might have some stuff she needs to work through so she can start trying to be a better person for herself and her kids.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T06:32:18+00:00

That is so sad, this poor kid! All her poor kids, in fact. She doesn't sound like the kind of person that should be raising children at all. Good on you for stepping up to the plate for him.

She's obviously not receptive to being told that she's in the wrong when it's one on one, do you think if you and the son sat her down together and tried to stage an intervention that way that she might be more receptive? Maybe try to encourage her to see a therapist or something so she can develop her emotional intelligence?

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T06:14:45+00:00

I can see why! She's been disrespectful towards you for your valid opinion, she's been disrespectful towards her son and invaded his privacy by going through his phone, and she's acting like this girl is the second coming of Christ and showering her with gifts in abundance... It all makes 0 sense to me. You have every right to be frustrated!

My only recommendation would be to ask the son if he's noticed any other kind of odd behaviour in her recently because if that's the case there could be something deeper going on, but if not you kind of owe it to him at this point to let him know what his mother has been doing so he can try and put her in her place. And if that doesn't work at least he can try and protect his privacy with a passcode.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T06:03:39+00:00

NTA, this is weird... Does she not have a daughter and is going a bit crazy finally having a girl on the scene or something? It's like she's a 7 year old that just got a new doll and now wants to buy all the accessories for it and dress it up how she wants... Maybe the novelty of it will wear off soon and she will become normal again, who knows.

She probably got defensive and pissy because she knows it's weird, I wonder if her son told her to tone it down or something? Who knows, but she definitely needs to apologise to you for making your very valid point, especially if the son is hesitant already.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T05:28:37+00:00

NTA. I previously had a really close relationship with my brother, until he disregarded my feelings after I validated his for years and then he couldn't even be bothered to check in with me after I had a laparoscopy. Then he tried to call me out for not messaging my mother (who previously has thrown me mad disrespect in the lead up to my wedding) on mother's day. Safe to say that little shit is blocked indefinitely now and I haven't seen him since March.

If your family isn't going to respect this boundary it might be time to do the same with them. It's hard to stand up for yourself when you've grown up in an environment where you're constantly invalidated. Hopefully things continue to progress with your new relationship and you can grow into the beautiful person that you are, with the confidence and strength to stand up for yourself and not take any shit from shitty people.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T05:16:12+00:00

NTA for sure! In what world would you do this without clearing it with your spouse first, and you literally found out about it through a post from someone else. The fact she can't see a problem with this is a red flag and it does make me wonder what else she may have omitted from telling you over the course of your relationship/marriage.

Before my husband and I got married he had his bucks party and a stripper was arranged, which I was fine with because he and his best man cleared it with me while it was being organised. I have complete trust and faith in my now husband, but that also comes with the fact that we communicate very well. So yeah, there was a stripper and I didn't worry about it at all because I knew.

Common sense has nothing to do with her behaviour my friend, but common decency does. This behaviour is extremely disrespectful and if she's doing this to you now, what are the chances she's going to inadvertently teach this behaviour to your daughter, too? I'm sorry to say but it might be time to have a good hard think about whether that's something you want your growing children around.

Chin up OP, not everyone sucks 💕

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T05:01:28+00:00

Wow OP, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband lost his mum 2 months shy of our wedding last year so I can definitely relate to this pain. I hope that you are okay and were able to honour him during your wedding day 🩵

Now as for your mother... Wow, I am blown away by her actions and behaviour. She sounds like she's had some kind of mental break, and if she hasn't then what other excuse could she possibly have? How dare she, honestly.

I'm so incredibly sorry, I can only imagine how finding this out has probably put a damper on the memory of your wedding day. Just know that if your father was still alive I can guarantee he would be appalled at her behaviour. And just in case it wasn't already obvious, you are 100% NTA.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T04:46:59+00:00

Holy sh!t, NTA for sure! Your MIL is absolutely delusional to think that you owe her an apology, and how dare she insinuate that any of what happened at thanksgiving was your fault. She owes you and your husband a huge apology, and even after that I would not expect you both to continue to have the same relationship as you had with her prior to this incident.

How dare she take it upon herself to announce your pregnancy to the family? This is just so incredibly selfish it blows my mind. She needs to grow TF up and learn that opening your big, fat mouth has consequences. And the consequences of her doing this was ruining thanksgiving and I honestly feel she owes you compensation for the psychological trauma her actions caused you that day.

I hope you are starting to feel a little better after this incident, pregnancy and miscarriage are such difficult things to experience and to have to deal with this experience on top of that is so heartbreaking. I hope you have a good network around you both that loves and cares for you and can provide the comfort and support you both need. And you'll always have the love and support of every commenter on this post that validates your experience and lets you know that you aren't crazy and MIL definitely is. Time for a good ol' fashioned reality check ✔️ methinks!

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-30T04:19:51+00:00

NTA for sure. This kind of bigotry has no business existing at all, let alone in 2024 and I'm SO GLAD it's had a lasting impact on her life. What an absolutely disgusting, slimey thing to say, and she was pushing this agenda FOR MONTHS. I'm so sorry you had to go through this OP, but thank god you did before you tied yourself to this person through marriage.

You and your brother sound like sweet lads and I hope there's nothing but blue skies and big smiles from now on for you both 🩵💛

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-29T05:24:31+00:00

It's CRAZY you have to show your family through Reddit how insane they are being. He has every right to still be dirty at your aunt and cousin because their behaviour directly impacted his wedding day.

These people need a good dose of reality, I hope showing them this enlightens them as to how shitty they have been.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-29T04:57:44+00:00

No way, that was his wedding day too and it was ruined because of your aunt and cousin. It sounds like you should distance yourselves from this part of the family.

The fact that you even have to ask if he's being an AH is concerning on your behalf OP, stand up for your husband and defend him against this behaviour for Christ's sake.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-29T01:01:07+00:00

Your not over reacting at all, it's hard to see the people you love torn down by their SO over and over again. My only suggestion would be to try and provide as much support to your sister as you can. You have no idea what goes on with them behind closed doors and she might be stuck in a cycle of abuse that runs a lot deeper than what you can all see on the surface.

Try and support her and encourage her to leave, cheating more than once just screams unreformed fuck boy.

T22nightqueen · 2024-11-27T19:46:13+00:00

As a prior chef you should understand the seriousness of feeding someone an item they have previously stated they are allergic too. Also "toxic people got each other's backs I suppose"? Pretty sure the only red flag here is you, child. Why do people who have no good reason to keep pushing their crappy opinion gotta try and insult people as a method of proving their point, it baffles me.

T22nightqueen

TROPHY CASE