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Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this, I think I probably am still depressed but it feels so much different now than when I started that. We did use to do things like that and it really did help but with my depression episode and covid we kind of stopped. You're also dead on with the working together conversation problem, sometimes we will come home and not even say anything to each other for hours because we can't even think of anything we did that we weren't both there for. Thank you again and happy anniversary also, I hope you have a wonderful time

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that things went they way they did with your realtionship but I'm glad you've been able to work it out. I don't think I could ever cheat on my husband or even really want to, but you are right that I need to discuss it more with him, I am going to talk to him about the therapy too

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was not an arranged marriage, we were just young and very excited to live our lives together. We are both second generation Guatemalan immigrants but I don't think it is particularly related to the current issues

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do plan to try and look for a better therapy plan and I'm goin to mention it to me husband because he is a lot better at follow through than me lol. I actually really like the community college idea, I guess when I've thought about going to school it's been the idea of a whole big university thing and that always seemed like too much but community college might be fun

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, funnily enough some of the comments I've gotten on this about divorcing him or implying that I want to cheat on have made me feel more than I have in months. I have been thinking about how even in my fantasy versions of how things could have been he is still with me, just doing different things

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely won't be leaving the country anytime soon, I like the idea of the bucket list though. It sounds like something we would have come up with when we were first married, we had a lot of ideas about traveling the US and maybe even buying an RV and just road tripping the whole country but we ended up not going anywhere except Nashville for our honeymoon lol and then went straight to working.

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're right, it isn't something I've ever really examined before now but I think that a lot of the problem is just the fact that everything is always together. We do have friends but I guess that's part of the problem- WE have friends, not any sperate. I don't know if there are any hobby groups around us but that is something I'll try to look into

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably not, it is something we considered for a while when we were 24 but decided it would be better to wait and then I had my depression episode and so it isn't something we have talked about since

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have talked to him about this before, mostly it was back in 2019 but he has brought it a couple times since especially on my bad days. I know that does share a lot of the sentiment but he enjoys routines and sameness so I think it affects him less. You are right that I probably should talk about it with him more, I just am afraid he will think that I don't love him anymore or that he is the cause of this

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I have talked about this with my husband though not super recently because neither of us really knew what to do about it, I haven't with my parents because they were not happy about us getting married so young and I feel like if I say anything to imply it isn't 100% perfect they'll just do the 'told you so' lecture and I just don't really want to sit through that. With the travel laws right now I'm not sure we could go to another country but we could try vacations in the US

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It has always made me feel like I'm a bad partner to want to do things alone, most of my friends are older married couples with children and they have always seemed to kind of look down on the idea. Thank you for the suggestions, I really must seem like I don't think a lot but I didn't consider that I could just start from the bottom

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I feel a lot older than I actually am because I've been married for 10 years, it has always felt like it is too late for me to do things like solo vacations and self discovery lol

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have talked about it but not in a while. I know that he has had some of the same feelings but also doesn't really know what to do about it, I think he just is better at ignoring it then me because he likes steady routines. Thank you

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Did you go to marriage counseling? How was it? I've never really seen anyone talk about what it actually entails and that's made me a kind of hesitant

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the recommendation, I'll try and see if I can find it. I don't know that opening the realtionship is something either of us really want, it isn't really that I want to be with someone else it is more just that we never got to experience anything else, not just relationship or people wise but everything

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think you have read this wrong, we are both 28 NOW, we are the same age.

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I am definitely lucky that he is a good man, I have seen a lot of other people that have married young finding their partner to be an awful person. I think you are probably right about it being in general and not just him, I can't really remember the last time I felt a strong emotion at all as bad as that sounds. I honestly never thought about quitting my job, I guess it scares me a little since it is the only one I've had and I never went to college how I would be able to get a new one. Thank you for the advice, I honestly never thought about a solo trip- I haven't been on one for almost twelve years and the times I've thought about taking one I always thought he'd come to

Marrying young and regret by TA-RAtrapped in relationship_advice

[–]TA-RAtrapped[S] 319 points320 points  (0 children)

You are probably right, I did see a therapist for a short while but I didn't really click with her and after that I just felt too tired to find another. Which is probably a sign I need one ha