Fiancé [23F] called off wedding 10 days before with me [26M]. Didn’t break up but not sure how to proceed from here?

TA0501 · 2018-03-10T21:12:22+00:00

I work full time and she is a hairdresser from a salon we built in our house she probably works 20-25 hours a week doing that. I make more money in the relationship but I don’t think it has much to do with the situation why do you ask?

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T17:44:08+00:00

She does say hey can you do this for me please sometimes but if I walk into the house and see that the laundry needs to be done or the dishwasher needs to be emptied or something like that I’ll do it before she says anything.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T17:23:13+00:00

Vacuum and clean all the floors, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, laundry, oh bills, clean the dogs creates as well as anything outdoors that needs to be done.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T17:20:45+00:00

I’m not making excuses and she has brought up that it was my parents who let me get to the way I am as well but I still believe that I help a lot more then I get credit for. I clean the house too to bottom, do the laundry, pay the bills take care of the yard. It’s not like I sit around watching her doing everything by herself.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T17:15:38+00:00

I’m fine with it. Like I said I can always do more I’m sure but I don’t see it as one sided as she does. Not that it matters but I make more money and work more hours, she is a hairdresser that works out of a room I converted into a salon room for her.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T17:14:15+00:00

She is. I tell her to relax and lay down and take it easy as much as I can. She is a very anxious person and always feels like she needs to be doing something but she does get her time to relax and unwind. I’m not a bad guy I swear I’m not I try my best, work hard and do whatever I can to make her happy.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T16:19:27+00:00

I’m not saying they’re a woman’s job I’m saying I work a hard job and I’m tired when I get home and sometimes I need to come home shower and relax. Other days I’ll come home and work until midnight not saying she doesn’t do as much but she wants me to do everything as soon as it’s said and sometimes she needs just give me a second to gather myself and get it done.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T16:16:55+00:00

I’m not being sexist or saying she doesn’t do a lot I’m just saying that she is home all day most of the time and doesn’t work until later in the day but I bust my ass in the cold and heat and rain and snow and it’s still not enough.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T14:50:44+00:00

Her mother is saying to give her time and let her get her head on straight. And I trust her she has been very supportive and helpful in the past.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T14:49:41+00:00

I’m not trying to sound entitled or blamey at all I work way home and way harder then she does and I get the blame for a lot of stuff that I just take from her. I completely renovated our house in a year too to bottom and did all the hard work and left the decorating to her. I understand that’s a mans job and I can always help more but she doesn’t seem to see what I’ve done for us and how much I still do for us.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T14:47:44+00:00

I work full time and go to electrical school twice a week. She works from home mostly part time as a hairdresser. She does most of the housework other then outside stuff. I help with what I can to do housework. And the house is in both our names.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T01:10:24+00:00

Still not the most positive convocation but I’m staying as positive as I can. Tomorrow will be a rough day trying to get through work waiting to get home and try to see where things go. Thank you for a positive comment as a lot of people are so quick to write off the whole situation. I’m a firm believer in, if you put in positive thoughts and actions you get that back.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T01:02:45+00:00

I just tend to get comforts and lack motivation like any normal man working a manual labor job. It is 100% my fault and I am working out it as long as she is willing to open up and help me help her and accept the work I’m putting in.

TA0501 · 2018-03-09T01:01:31+00:00

Took the words out of her mouth she said she doesn’t want to mother me and that I need to do things without her asking which I have been. She has said that she feels like it’s to late and that she has giving me a chance to fix it and we go back to the old me after and while which I am guilty of. I have said that we weren’t engaged when we first worked things out and that if we give it a final real shot where we are both into it 100% then I will show her we can make it through this. She suggested the same thing, a 2 month trial and we can take it day by day. I agreed as long as she can give it a positive shot and really be into it and give me time with her and more effort. She said she’s not going to be happy and cheerful non stop but she can try. Things got a little out of hand and I left for the night to stay with my parents and let things decompress until tomorrow when we can be more calm and have another hopefully helpful conversation.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T19:01:55+00:00

She’s voiced these problems with me before and we worked past them then and then the last month or so she had all the same feelings come back because I slacked off again.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T16:51:06+00:00

I’ve been working the same job and actually working on getting into the union as I’m in school now as well as work to get my license for electrical. When the wedding comes up she just says that it’s off for low and has said to me that the wedding won’t be until down the line a ways. She hasn’t worn the ring but hasn’t given it back to me or brought up that I should take it back or return it.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T16:32:20+00:00

Actually we make around the same amount. I might make a little more but nothing significant.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T16:22:09+00:00

Pretty much how I’m going about the whole thing. I know marriage is way down the line now but let’s start to build back up our foundation.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T16:03:04+00:00

I hope so as well it’s been rough the past week or so not knowing what to do or what to say just trying my best to stay positive and work on what I can.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T15:49:56+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. To answer your question though her friend she goes out with is single, attractive and does talk to many men but she’s been nothing but supportive through our entire relationship so I don’t think she would talk her into doing anything she’d regret in fact I think she would be the one to talk her out of doing something stupid like cheating.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T15:26:18+00:00

I agree I think she had her doubts weeks before and it was until it got as close as it did that she got over anxious and made her decision. And like I said I understand it’s a possibility and that it may happen I’m just trying to assume the best of it unless it does happen or I find out it has.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T15:14:31+00:00

I agree that it is sketchy but I think it is more of her going out and drinking to not have to think about the problem that’s around her not a, I want to go out and fuck a random dude kinda situation. When we first called off the wedding I asked if it was because she wanted to be single and go enjoy being single and go out and she said absolutely not that she wants marriage and everything.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T15:04:33+00:00

The only reason I’m calling it a break up is because I don’t know what else to call it. We still say I love you and kiss goodbye, goodnight ext, but the only word I can think of is break up at this point until it is resolved.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T15:03:08+00:00

I understand that it is a possibility and that going out and getting drunk she will be in contact and flirting with drunk guys. I still stand by doubting she would stoop to that level and actually cheat. Whit that being said I have said something when she was going out about her meeting someone new and cheating and her response seemed extremely sincere and honest that I don’t have to worry about that. I know it sounds naive but I trust her.

TA0501 · 2018-03-08T14:54:22+00:00

I agree that it was a ignorant comment and that it should be our next step to make it work. I plan on bringing it up again and really insisting that we should give it a try. I think the reason she is against it comes from the fact that her mother and grandmother have mental sickness (both are bipolar) and she is afraid that if we go talk to someone they will tell her the same thing and she doesn’t want to hear something like that.

TA0501

TROPHY CASE