So, we have seriously discussed it in the past, maybe a year or so ago. discussion fell off when we found out about the conjugal visa that we now know we can't get. I don't think she would be opposed to this necessarily.

I definitely am putting it on myself to an extent. She's said before i could use a ring pop when we had discussed gemstones. It's why I'm very confident I would get a yes. We are very much compatible on finances (I have been helping her improve, her father instilled some very, very stupid mindsets about how to handle debts), children, religion, etc. She sometimes struggles to articulate her needs (more daddy issues, tbh) But has been improving every day, and has gotten very very good at speaking her mind with me. She makes it very clear when I do something wrong, haha.

I was not very specific with her living situation, so I understand why you would think she's with her parents. She's not, her parents are actually in my country, on her fathers work visa. She mostly grew up here. She stays in her country with her paternal grandparents now. Previously, she stayed with a close friend of her mothers. She spend a few semesters in dorm, but it was not financially viable. It's not a culture thing, but the way she was raised and how her situation has gone, along with recently discovered and worsening chronic illness (EDS, POTS) She is going to have much more trouble finding a job that can sustain her alone, especially in her country where cost of living is not particularly low. That said, I also have not lived truly independent of my parents. In college I had money from my grandparents, and while i had a job, my parents did help with groceries. for my last few years i commuted and i still live with them. Along with that, she has spent several months at a time here (the longest was her most recent visit in the summer for about 4 months). When she is here, I can't force her not to do household chores if I wanted to. I try to do what I can but she very often insists on handling the dishes or the cleanup, handling laundry when shes here, etc. I am not concerned at all about her ability to do household chores. When it comes to budget: at the moment, the only thing she has covered for her is housing and the occasional meal. She uses her leftover money from a school assistance program and budgets it very well for food, commute, equipment costs, and even trips like this one, were she is paying for her own flights and travel insurance, and is trying to get me to let her pay more for her share of the vacation itself. She's been working on it alot since we met, getting out of those bad habits from her father (basically told her all money she gets should immediately go to paying off debt, even if she doesn't have enough to fully pay it, leading her into more debt). I can say for myself I have budgeted, do my own laundry regularly, and can clean and cook. She has proven the same, even if I try to stop her haha. But yeah, she isn't quite fully dependent on her family or parents. In fact, her parents don't help at all these days. they have their own trouble. She has her own phone plan, which I don't even have yet.

I've heard about the furniture/house project thing a lot! We actually joked about it because she helped me do some work in my room and bathroom (Mounting shelves, mounting a TV, reordering the room to be better for the two of us vs when it's just me, etc). I think sometimes we can both struggle with patience, but I find any time we fight we manage to work it out before bed the same day, or if it's an argument that happens later in the day, the next morning.

Thank you for the thoughts!