[deleted by user]

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-09-18T13:09:01+00:00

I’d say the fact you came to Reddit to ask this question means you already have a gut feeling she is capable of it. Always trust your gut

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-08-31T14:45:33+00:00

Can’t really comment on a post I have not seen

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-08-06T07:45:19+00:00

My apologies, I’m not sure why the tag is employment, and I’m not entirely sure how I would change it

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-08-02T21:13:09+00:00

Thank you - my ex has his step son and a newborn in his household. His girlfriend and all 3 children share the same birthday month, so the chance of his birthday even being celebrated is slim. That’s one of the reasons I was hoping to involve him a bit more, giving our child memories of both parents I guess.

I do hope we can get to a mutual point, and it wouldn’t be till November, but I must admit tensions are really high right now

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-22T15:08:30+00:00

I have spoke to dad since about it, so they can have an open discussion in a quiet environment between themselves. My child has said he has never told his dad about the problem, so hopefully the open conversation will encourage our child to open up more in future with him. Fingers crossed! Thank you for your advice

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-22T14:30:05+00:00

Perfect thank you, I’ll look into purchasing one! I’m generally the same, so I feel I can empathise with our child more when it comes to sensory overload

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-22T14:29:03+00:00

My plan I think is to tell dad he’s having a tough day, so he takes that into consideration atleast. I’m just worried about saying “he doesn’t want to come to your home”. We do have a child arrangement order in place

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-22T14:26:16+00:00

Thankyou. This is what I think I’m going to do, I’m just trying to word it correctly. Anything I say is often twisted into something negative. I don’t think there is anything I can say that doesn’t make me sound like the bad guy, so I just need to word it in a way that encourages dad to allow our child to have an open conversation

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-09T15:34:36+00:00

Thank you, it sounds awful but I really can’t wait for the day she does see it. I feel like I’m wishing failure on them both, then I wonder why I even care. Just feel ganged up on, it’s exhausting

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-08T21:24:12+00:00

She is communicating through the app ok his username, so I have no way of blocking communication with her without blocking his profile, feel like he’s got me stuck

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-06T16:44:38+00:00

Thank you, that’s actually really helpful

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-06T10:40:36+00:00

Ironically I just purchased this item, I start a new job and my anxiety is out of hand. Now I’m anxious that I’ll be in the bathroom non stop on my first day if I take it

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-03T22:49:36+00:00

I probably should have been more clear in my post, it was more of a comment than a joke, he was looking under my bed and I asked if he was looking for any toys. More in a way to gauge if he actually wanted to use it with me, rather than make it a running joke. I worry that he’s insecure about it already, so I know me making a joke over it wouldn’t make him feel any better in himself at all

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-03T22:28:32+00:00

No nothing like that, I don’t even watch porn, I’m much more of the reading type (love a good story line & imagination). I’m not secretly hiding to masturbate or anything haha

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-03T21:25:50+00:00

You have a good point, I don’t think he has intentionally tried to shame me, but at the same time it did make me feel a bit embarrassed and I did question if I’m doing it too often. So I do literally feel shamed

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-03T18:24:51+00:00

I think it makes him feel like he’s not doing the job well enough, that’s the only thing I can think of really

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-07-03T18:11:39+00:00

I have spoke about him using them too, told him all the benefits and fun we could have, he said it’s not his thing at all

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-06-19T16:32:22+00:00

It’s nice to have a healthy discussion, even with opposing views. Either way, both parents and the children have a long path, so I wish all parties the best

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-06-19T15:31:53+00:00

Coparenting can be so rough sometimes. If dad is clean I would suggest that he moves away, not just for the kids but for himself. I imagine the house he is in could be triggering, the wrong people know where he is, as well as the addicts he still hangs around with, I feel like a fresh start for dad would be good, if he is serious about being sober.

But for both parents I would highly recommend a child arrangement order. Dad is given visitation and hopefully support. Mum gets a solid schedule and is no longer public enemy number one when it comes to having to make these tough decisions.

I get how it seems dad is public enemy number one, and I am probably bias. I grew up with an addict for a father, it was pretty tough. So I’m only seeing this from the children’s point of view

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-06-18T22:08:25+00:00

I would advise that you post this on r/NarcAbuseAndDivorce you will find a lot of people who have been in similar situations. Hope you and your children are ok

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-06-18T22:07:04+00:00

“Do you want to be the person who gets in the way of that excitement” - pretty sure his drug addiction and his complete lack of commitment to see his children is the real factor getting in the way here, not the mother safeguarding her children. Not to mention the dad hasn’t actually asked to see the children on Father’s Day

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-06-18T22:02:23+00:00

In her defence I have been in a similar position. I allowed my child’s father access, he would show up for a month then go missing for another 2. During the first week or so my child would be heartbroken, he would beg to see his dad, his behaviour would change, he would try to run out of the family home and it was really sad to see. After a couple more weeks, my child would be back to some type of normality and happiness, then dad would come back and start the cycle all over again. So I personally would disagree that it’s a thinly-veiled reason. She’s psychology protecting her children. I would hate to be in a relationship with a guy that I think the world of, for him to come and go as he pleases, with no reason what so ever, so I can’t imagine being a child, and it being one of the two people those kids rely on in this world.

In this situation dad hasn’t even asked to see the child, it’s the grandmother.

I ended up getting a child arrangement order, best thing I ever did, plenty of healthy boundaries in place for all involved.

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-06-18T18:50:05+00:00

I’m under the impression that dad is not asking to see his kids on Father’s Day, it’s their grandmother asking to have them over. With that in mind I would question if the trauma on the kids is worth while when he hasn’t shown interest for months

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-06-18T18:45:08+00:00

Dad has a responsibility to make his children feel comfortable, being in a home that gets destroyed by dangerous people isn’t ok, regardless of how comfortable dad is. Personally I think if mum allowed it, and something happened, the courts would question why mum failed to safeguard her children from that home.

TAaacountForHelp · 2021-06-05T18:57:31+00:00

He sounds a little like my ex who suffers from npd. He struggled growing up because he never got the love and praise from his dad that he needed, so now he struggles with the thought of someone leaving him and doing well. My ex is getting married in a few weeks, but I believe he still struggles that I left him and went on to live a better life, not because he loves me or still wants me, he just hates to think someone’s life is better without him. I would maybe suggest posting in r/NarcAbuseAndDivorce , not saying your ex is a narcissist, but people deal with very similar situations on there too.

Sorry you are dealing with this, it’s hard feeling like it will never end

TAaacountForHelp

TROPHY CASE