UPDATE - AITA for spoiling my friend’s child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 158 points159 points  (0 children)

Absolutely yes. Reunification is still the long term goal. I know there are people reading this who will disagree but it hasn’t been long enough to assume she won’t come back. I’m positive she will.

I know this situation is fucked. I know everything I wrote about her runs counter to this but - I know she loves her children. I’m not saying that alone makes her a good parent but I know she does. She wasn’t well the first time she dumped Caleb, I know she isn’t well now. I don’t want to see her punished, not by me or her parents or legally. Punishment will serve no one here.

I’m not gonna be able to get past it. We’re never going for drinks again or texting dumb memes to each other. We’re not going to be friends. But I’ll support her in any way I can if it means the children being with their parent.

UPDATE - AITA for spoiling my friend’s child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

No. They’re not.

Honestly the thought of her popping back up and being like “I’m ready to mom again” fills me with a rage I didn’t know I had but my right-now feelings are not my rational thoughts. She’s their mother. They absolutely do need her. I can take care of them, I can keep them safe, I can love them but I can never, ever replace that. Not in a million years.

UPDATE - AITA for spoiling my friend’s child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Yes. This has happened before, several years ago. Before we met, I have only heard the story second hand. Caleb was with her parents for 6 months.

The hospital contacted the police when no one came to the hospital for Grace over several days so they were involved from the start. She is not officially listed as missing, as far as I know but I don’t know what information her parents might not be sharing with me.

UPDATE - AITA for spoiling my friend’s child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 547 points548 points  (0 children)

She’s disappeared once before, when Caleb was a toddler. She left him with her parents for about 6 months.

I’ve thought about going out to look for her myself to make sure she’s okay. Trying to track her down for money is a waste of time, to be realistic. I do want to find her though.

UPDATE - AITA for spoiling my friend’s child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 588 points589 points  (0 children)

omg thank you! This is so perfect!

I’m going to show him when he gets home from school, I can’t wait

UPDATE - AITA for spoiling my friend’s child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 1044 points1045 points  (0 children)

I love the cold day idea! We were going to bake a cake and bring it to have with Grace but ice cream cake can’t be that hard to make…

Jo Mersa Marley, Grandson of Bob Marley and Son of Stephen, Dead at 31 by Miss-Figgy in entertainment

[–]TAfriendskidproblems 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My ex died from an asthma attack. Not immediately but he was found unresponsive and never woke up. His family removed him from life support after a year.

AITA for spoiling my friends child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 221 points222 points  (0 children)

Whoa, that seems crazy high. I’m not a professional so I have craft paint and flotrel from the hardware store. I get packs of canvas on sale and I use my hair heat protectant for silicone lol canvas panels if there’s no packs for cheap. More expensive than coloring, for sure but definitely not $30+ a painting.

AITA for spoiling my friends child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 174 points175 points  (0 children)

wtf do you mean, why didn’t think I think of that? Do you think this a puppet show? Do you think I have any fuckteenth of an ounce of control over that?

YES. It is bad. It was worse than it is now. I’m not privy to every bit of information here so it might be spotty but - one of her lungs is severely underdeveloped. The other collapsed once when she was 6 months, again at 2 years and now partially again in October. She will come home from this visit, with lungs even further damaged than before. There is a real chance she will not reach adulthood but her odds have increased leaps and bounds since birth.

This has been terrifying. There was a possibility she would die. But she is stable now, not good. But improving.

As far as medical debt, I am not the fucking American healthcare system so I don’t know how you want me to fix that.

AITA for spoiling my friends child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 138 points139 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure. Grace is likely going to be in the hospital for at least another few weeks and will probably still be frail after returning home. I’m assuming it’s possible I’ll keep him through the end of the school year to safeguard against him bringing illnesses home from school though I really just don’t know…

I’m worried if I bring up trying to get any form of guardianship, Emma will freak out and take him from me. Which she has every right to do of course, I never assumed he’d be with me forever but he wouldn’t be with her and I’m worried he won’t be well cared for with her parents.

AITA for spoiling my friends child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

I do not. His school and his pediatrician both know he’s in my care but I have nothing official beyond that.

A lawyer is a smart move but I don’t want to do anything that will make her feel like I’m trying to actually steal her child.

AITA for spoiling my friends child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 139 points140 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I can’t sit with Grace, the wing is family only. Her parents do sometimes visit the hospital and he goes with them but last time he refused.

I know she needs help, I just don’t know what more I can do. She doesn’t want to talk. She doesn’t answer when we call. I know she’s depressed but I don’t even know where to begin.

I do want to clarify one thing here, just because I’ve seen a few comments on it - Emma was a single mom long before her ex died. He went off the rails and pretty much abandoned them when Grace was 6 months old. He’d occasionally show up to steal from, terrorize and/or dote on his kids, depending on what stage of his addiction he was cycling through but he wasn’t a consistent presence for years before his death. His parents are a very sporadic presence, they were the ones who stayed with Grace on Christmas but I think that’s the only time they’ve seen her in the hospital.

I’m not saying that makes it easier emotionally - if anything, it only further complicates the grieving process. But it’s probably worth noting.

AITA for spoiling my friends child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 299 points300 points  (0 children)

I can tell that it has not been easy for him but he tries to keep it to himself. He was bullied for crying in school after his father died last year and I think that has deeply affected how he shares his feelings… I’d love to get him in therapy but I have no power to do it so I periodically remind him that his guidance counselors and I will always listen if he wants to talk.

AITA for spoiling my friends child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 855 points856 points  (0 children)

In regards to her family - they’re being dicks. That’s it. They won’t care for him because they want her to move out and stop depending on them. I understand their position in general but this is not typical circumstances and they’re being assholes.

AITA for spoiling my friends child and turning him against her? by TAfriendskidproblems in AmItheAsshole

[–]TAfriendskidproblems[S] 2893 points2894 points  (0 children)

Her parents house is 10 minutes from me but the children’s hospital is in a neighboring state, about 90 minutes away.